+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 6 of 6
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    663
    Thanks
    127
    Thanked
    220
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default I think my husband is depressed, how can I help him?

    My husband has been different for the last 2 weeks. Not his usual self. Shut off. Blank. No emotion. Non communicative. Easily agitated. Not helping me with home duties, just sits there on the couch doing zap.

    I've noticed this change in the last 2 weeks and I have been trying to get him to talk to me about it, but he just says I'm fine, or nothing is wrong. It's very difficult to have a conversation with him as he gives short responses.

    So today it came to a bit of a head when we were driving into work together. I basically called his bluff & told him I think something is wrong & that his "blank wall" is effecting me & our daughter. I told him he needs help. He admitted something is wrong, that he feels flat & he doesn't know why. I guess he didn't have much choice as we were bailed up in the car !

    There is a strong history of depression & mental health issues in his family, so it's not taboo for us to talk about this topic. But he does avoid the discussion & will never admit he needs help. He has never received help as far as I'm aware. He is stubborn & doesn't like to talk about his feelings.

    So my question is, how can I help him? I believe he needs to go and see his gp for a referral to a psychologist. But how can I help him do this without making him feel like he is being forced to do it?
    I'm not about to give him an ultimatum, but at the same time something has to change. It is not healthy.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Gippsland
    Posts
    14,654
    Thanks
    1,207
    Thanked
    3,833
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Look up Mensline
    http://www.mensline.org.au/

    My DP was a victim of an assault recently and they called him after being referred by the police. DP has been going through a tough patch and it did actually seem to help to have a chat with the guy who rang. It's a bit less full on than going to a psychologist first up.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    663
    Thanks
    127
    Thanked
    220
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Thanks @Hollywood

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    3,232
    Thanks
    461
    Thanked
    1,153
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    It's tricky to explore the subject. Most people don't like to admit their might be something 'wrong' with them.

    We had a similar issue a few yrs ago with myself and df. His mood was so flat and low and he just wasn't himself. I didn't know where my happy go lucky guy went and thought for a long time he wasn't happy in our relationship.
    Eventually I did the same as you and just said - wtf? I can't keep playing this game where we all pretend everything is fine. It's clearly not and it's affecting everyone in the family.
    He confessed he had been feeling like your dh and didn't know what to do.

    I called our gp and made an appointment to get a mental health plan. Which meant we got up to 10 Medicare rebated appointments each year.

    I told him I loved him-good and bad and assured him I didn't care what the issue was and why I just wanted him to be happy and he clearly isn't ATM. So I didn't mind if he resented me for it at the time, he would thank me later. But I booked the app and told him under no circumstance was he to miss the appointment.
    He was actually very relived that I listened and took positive action.

    We got the plan and a referal to a psych. I let him attend the appointments and didn't harass him to ask what they spoke about and so on. I tried to let him know that if he wanted to talk he could but I wasn't going to pressure him.
    He ended up on antidepressants and continues to see his psych on a regular basis. I try not to make a big deal of it. I couldn't think of anything worse than to have someone asking me every day 'how I feel' or 'am I ok today' etc. It was prob a bit blunt but it's who I am- I told df I wasn't going to treat him any different. He still had to be apart of the family and pull his weight but if it all got too much then all he had to do was say so.

    I think he was lucky that his psych is pretty chilled and they don't do the whole 'tell me how you feel' chat. They mostly just talk about his work and home and anything that's bothering him. It seemed just having a safe place to talk about whatever he wanted really helped.

    It has also made be more aware of how his behaviour changes and how I can help. When he is overwhelmed i will book a massage for him. Or just make arrangements on the weekend to take the kids out with me so he can have some quality Xbox time etc. he doesn't ask for it so I tend to have to push him into some 'me time' to help him relax and unwind.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    663
    Thanks
    127
    Thanked
    220
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Thanks @MadeWithLove I've spoken with Dh again, I actually got him to read an article on men's depression. It mentioned some symptoms that I believe he is displaying. Anyway, he completely disagreed & told me he doesn't think he has depression right now. We had a good chat about a few things going on at the moment which was good. So not much I can do right now for someone who won't help themselves. I'll keep an eye on him & keep talking to him, see how we go. Thanks everyone.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Snooze For This Useful Post:

    MadeWithLove  (27-02-2015)

  7. #6
    SuperGranny's Avatar
    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    sunshine coast qld
    Posts
    6,140
    Thanks
    4,541
    Thanked
    2,719
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    hi snooze, does he have family close by, or a good mate, he might be willing to spend some time with. ?? often men just like to go fishing with a mate and talk whatever bulldust, and they will magically feel better afterwards. that is why the concept of 'men's shed' has been so popular. I hope this all works out for you both. marie


 

Similar Threads

  1. Depressed
    By Jeshika in forum Prenatal depression
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 11-01-2015, 18:16
  2. 40 weeks and depressed :-(
    By webby in forum Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 22-10-2014, 08:59
  3. Being bored makes me depressed.
    By Nomia in forum General depression and blues
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 01-06-2014, 10:30

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Ro&Co
Share magical moments this Christmas with this gorgeous gingerbread house. Exclusively available in Brisbane, with FREE delivery in Brisbane Metro areas. Each Christmas Centrepiece is unique and made to order, from $240.
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
Sarah Tooke Childbirth & Parenting Education
Providing private, personalised antenatal childbirth & parenting education to expectant parents in the comfort of their own home. Sessions are flexible, including everything that hospital based programs cover. Click to find out more!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!