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  1. #21
    SuperGranny's Avatar
    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    hi heavenblue, mil has crossed the line. she has said her opinion, and given you many hours of advice, now she is still trying to badger you into doing as she wants "because you are putting your child at risk' if you don't. I think you have to just tell her to butt out, and leave you raise your child how you see fit. she is becoming fanatical and if she doesn't stop you will stop spending any time with her. good luck, marie.

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    In short... no, there's no evidence to what she's saying. There are plenty of people who believe that gluten and dairy etc. are harmful to everyone, but the science doesn't back them up.

    I think overall, if everyone ate a 'paleo' diet, then yes average health would improve. That's not because of the diet itself, but because anything which necessitates avoiding processed foods and eating more fresh foods will be of benefit to many people.

    It'll depend on your MIL's temperament, but a strategy that sometimes works with fanatics is to simply tell them "I'm not discussing this with you anymore" and walk away. Keep it up every time she tries to push her views on you, and it may get a response.

    Sounds very frustrating to deal with!

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    Amgine  (25-02-2015)

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    Thanks everyone for your responses. It's helped me greatly. In short, I'm going to keep feeding DS the well rounded, healthy diet he has been getting. I'm happy to include some paleo recipes if she decides she wants to contribute. If the 'advice' or criticism continues I will be discussing it gently with DP. I don't want to offend mil as she does so lovely things for us and she doesn't mean bad. I don't want her to think I dislike her or don't want her around.

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    Quote Originally Posted by HeavenBlue View Post
    Firstly let me start by saying I'm not picking at anyone's choices in food or diet. I'm wanting some advice here but don't know quite how to explain this eloquently. My MIL is quite the health food fanatic and a fan of the paleo way of eating. That's her choice and I'm ok with that. What I'm not ok with is, her harping on at me constantly for the choices I make in food for myself and DS. She constantly insists that I should not be having dairy and excluding it from DS's diet where possible. She also insists I not give DS wheat products. Let me state that DS has no known allergies thus far that I'm aware of at almost 11 months of age. For instance, the other day I mentioned the lovely zucchini slice I made for DS and what a healthy recipe it was. Her response was 'Did you use coconut flour?' I replied that I had used wholemeal flour. She then began a rant about how I shouldn't be giving him gluten and even if you aren't allergic, you will end up allergic. Apparently this is how leaky gut starts and we end up with inflammation in the body etc etc. my eyes glazed over at this point. This consistent food ranting had been going since the day DS was born and she found out that I had given DS cows milk based formula before my milk came in.

    Now my point is that i believe your food products should be as organic and wholesome as possible but your food choices should be varied and sensible. I don't believe I should be excluding food groups or restricting food like that for an infant. I want my DS to grow up with healthy attitudes to all foods.

    This whole thing with MIL is driving me up the wall because she insists she is right because she works in a health food store and knows how to google (makes all of experts, right? )

    I don't know whether she is right and I should be paying more attention to what she is saying or if I am right in following my instinct on feeding DS and also, how to I find a way to diffuse this situation because I really feel like I'm going to just lose it one day. Sorry for the rant and loooong story but I needed to get this out and get some opinions please.
    This is a terrible thing to say but I'd be tempted to bake a nice slice with wholemeal flour and feed it to her whilst smiling sweetly and saying oh yes, it's gluten and dairy free and made with organic biodynamic coconut flour ...

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    Disclaimer - I agree with the sentiment of what your Mil is saying. & she is probably just concerned for the health & well being of your children. The current perception of "food groups", what is/isn't healthy, what the Australian government recommends & what most (not all) gps advocate for are not necessarily current or up to date information - e.g just last week the US updated their health recommendations to say oops, sorry, we were wrong, fat actually isn't that bad, & sugar (ie complex carbohydrates) is actually bad.....so, if you are seeking professional advice/support on what you should/shouldn't be feeding your kids, be wary of social media hype (in either camp!) or old outdated research & findings.

    In saying that, & irrespective of whether I agree with your mil or not, is irrelevant - they are your kids, & it's yours (& your partners) decision what to feed them, & no one else's. She may mean well & have best interests at heart, but she needs to back off & let you feed your kids on what you believe to be healthy.

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    LittleBug'sMum  (25-02-2015)

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    Quote Originally Posted by ScubaGal View Post
    This is a terrible thing to say but I'd be tempted to bake a nice slice with wholemeal flour and feed it to her whilst smiling sweetly and saying oh yes, it's gluten and dairy free and made with organic biodynamic coconut flour ...
    She'd taste it in an instant. Lol. She's a fantastic cook and isn't silly.

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    And can I just add that I don't DISAgree with her - I just wish she would ease off on the constant criticism and ranting when DS is given a small amount of wheat or dairy. I understand that she is coming from a place of concern and only wants the best for us. I'm not disputing that. What I'm saying is that it's grinding on me that she feels I am so incompetent to make good food choices for myself and my family. A couple of wholemeal toast soldiers or a piece of natural cheese is not going to make my DS ill. For every time I make a good choice she will find something in that choice that could have been better or in her opinion was wrong. I don't think anyone realizes that the constant undermining of my choices is affecting my confidence as a mother. She has never made me feel even once, that I'm doing the right thing for my DS. I can't please her.

    Anyways. Im derailing my own thread here and going off topic by getting into MIL relationship dynamic issues. She just winds me up to a point of complete anxiety. I swear being a mum would have been 100 times easier if she'd just give me a break. sorry all, rant over.

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    Default Advice please.

    Can you get your DH to talk to her or do you feel comfortable saying something like - I love how much you care for DS but sometimes you do make me feel insecure and I'm sure you remember what it was like when you first had your kids, I do value your input but id like you to respect the choices I make as his mum and the last thing I want is too feel uncomfortable seeing you

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    Quote Originally Posted by HeavenBlue View Post
    For every time I make a good choice she will find something in that choice that could have been better or in her opinion was wrong. I don't think anyone realizes that the constant undermining of my choices is affecting my confidence as a mother. She has never made me feel even once, that I'm doing the right thing for my DS. I can't please her.

    She just winds me up to a point of complete anxiety. I swear being a mum would have been 100 times easier if she'd just give me a break. sorry all, rant over.
    This is NOT ok. Her opinions need to stop. You are your child's mother, not her. YOU know what is best for your child, your family, and you. I think you should let your DH know this is how she is making you feel, not just about food but about your ways of parenting in general. If it helps, write it down and then discuss it with him once he has read it. I understand he is close to his mum, but as your wife and the mother of his children your husband needs to back you up and tell his mum to back off (nicely of course, but it needs to be said). It might be hard for her to hear but that's ok, she will be ok. It's so hard telling family that you love how you feel about their behaviour, but its often the ones that need telling that can do the most damage! I do urge you to discuss her behaviour though and if you find it hard telling her yourself to stop, then your DH definitely needs to get onside with you.

    FWIW I'm sure you are doing a great job as a mum
    Last edited by Pearlygirl; 25-02-2015 at 17:54.

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    DizzyDaisy  (25-02-2015)

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    Default Advice please.

    "Hey MIL. If I have any questions about DS's diet I will ask my GP who is trained in these issues. Won't be discussing it further with you thanks ma'am!"

    At the same time stop inviting her to comment by telling her in any detail what you feed your DS.


 

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