Luckyme1 my understanding is that each time you ovulate several eggs are prepared to go, but once the first and biggest one does, the rest are reabsorbed.
@maxcat and @Bongley, that must be hard not being able to raise these things with family. I'm really battling at the moment with not being able to get any real advice from anyone over what to do next. My family and DP are so supportive but nobody knows all the detail and ins and outs like you guys. Not even my FS. I had that appointment yesterday to discuss with him a double transfer. My FS is a consulting doctor to the IVF clinic, he doesn't actually work from there, so can only refer and advise.
Anyway, some of you might remember last week I spoke to his receptionist/wife twice trying to get a chat with him and I told her exactly why and what I want to do. Anyway, it was apparent yesterday that she relayed EXACTLY my feelings and plans to him and it seems like he's gone in with all guns blazing to help me out.
So, he spoke to one of the clinic doctors and even though it is a 'rule' that they won't transfer 2 from a younger woman, they have kind of agreed that some rules may not apply to all cases. They are telling my FS that they don't want to because I've already had a pregnancy from this donor. YES but it was chromosomally abnormal !!!!! That doesn’t count. At this point I really started getting riled up because I was expecting a no. Anyway, my argument is of my donor's 8 donated eggs (3 to somebody else), so far 5 have not worked, and I've used the best 2 of my 5 already. I have given them well over $80,000 now and just can't keep coming up with this kind money (I can, but I'm not telling them that). And emotionally I’ve just about had enough.
He argued to them that I have stuck with their clinic for a few years now and could easily have gone elsewhere and I have done back to back cycles over that time and paid a fortune for nothing. He also said that if I end up having to do another cycle they have to give me financial relief. I told him they have done that a few times already and my donor cycle was to be around $22,000 but I only ended up paying $19,000 and he was SHOCKED ! Yes, I think it’s a ripoff too.
He also made a phone call to an old specialist friend of his who works at their Brisbane based clinic (same company, different office) and he said he can't see a problem transferring two for me and he is happy to do it if the other clinic won't. My FS pointed this out to the Dr at the clinic who don't want to do it and that Dr has said for my FS to give him another ring after he has spoken to me to see if I still feel the same way.
My FS has always said he can't believe how calm and realistic I am about all these cycles but yesterday I came soooo close to crying in his office because I was just so worked up about this. I feel like now it’s just about money to that clinic and I think and that’s making me bitter, but I reckon I have earned the right to make this decision for myself.
Anyway, hopefully I will hear today whether they agree to 2 or not without me having to transfer them into the Brisbane office. And it better be a yes, or I suppose I have to stuff around transferring them and I hope there is time to organise all of that over the next week before transfer date.
So. My question to you guys. I have told them I want to culture to 5 days and if there is one great one, then I will be happy to transfer only 1, but if they are average, or there are any that aren't suitable to be refrozen then I want 2.
HOWEVER, as I was leaving his office, his wife and I had a chat and she asked why I wouldn’t just transfer 2 at 3 days, just in case I lose any by culturing to 5 days. Ahhhhhhhh !!! I haven't really considered that because I have been so sure they won't let me transfer 2.
Option 1 - transfer 2 x 3 days, not really knowing what the quality is like
Option 2 - transfer 1 great or 2 not so great 5 day embies, having a better idea what the quality is like, but risk losing some or all of them.
Please someone give me some direction or advice here. DP nods and says all the right things, but he keeps saying that ‘you’re the one who knows all about this stuff’. Well, you guys do too, so any comments would be appreciated. Sorry for the long me post….
Leyshoja – just coming in to comment about when to transfer.. I have had these thoughts lately that if I only ever get 2 blasts maximum then why not just always transfer both at day 3, then I feel like I have more chance and what are the odds of both working anyway. When I spoke to the new FS about this she said they prefer to transfer on day 5 because they are transferring to the correct environment. I guess in theory on day 3 they would still be in your fallopian tube. In saying that, there are plenty of people getting pregnant with day 2 or 3 transfers. My bfp cycle was actually a day 4 because of the clinic's Monday to Friday epu and et hours. Not sure if that helps at all?
Is there also a theory that putting 2 in can hinder your chance of pregnancy? Im not sure as Ive never been offered the choice and therefore its not even spoken about.
@leyshoja thats a toughie, I always prefer day 5 so that you can get an idea of the quality of the embryos. As @tuxcat says there is some debate about whether putting embryos back before day 5 is advantageous or not (as they would be in the tubes not the uterus)
If you think you would regret the decision to grow them to day 5 and none make it then transfer at day 3. (I believe that if they die off before day 5 they wouldn't have made it anyway) Bung two back in at day 3. As long as you are happy with the idea of twins and the risks.
If you are worried about the risks of two then grow to day 5 and put the best back in. If the second one is good they will freeze it. As I said, if neither make it, I don't think they would make it in the uterus anyway. Perhaps I have too much faith in the lab!
To be honest I'm not concerned about the risk of twins. If we end up with 1, 2 or 4 we will still get by. You have to. In all my transfers I have never had a 5 day transfer, only ever 2 or 3 days. I wonder why.. I guess I'm just packing it that I may end up with none left at 5 days. I have an appointment with the scientist on Friday to discuss the pros and cons. I'll be so glad when this particular cycle is done, I'm tired of stressing about it.
Your doctor sounds great. So great that he is supporting you on this.
I would grow them to day 5 as I think they probably wouldn't last anyway if they wouldn't last past day three in a Petri dish, than I'm not sure a uterus is a better chance.
If you're happy with the risks with twins then do it. If you are pregnant with twins you'll be a high risk pregnancy. But looking at her failure rate I think the odds of twins are lower.
$80,000 is a hell of a lot of money and doctors should stand by the hypocratic oath to put the patients well being first. Financial ruin is not in your best interest. Your FS know what is best and if he thinks two is ok, then two is good.
I'm here if you if you need to chat leyshoja. Such an emotional roller coaster..
I get you about twins who cares right now. But be aware the pregnancy will be more stressful as one might not survive or you could lose both, or they could be premmie.
But I think the risk of you having twins are low.
I think you're going to have to wait for their response and also how they thaw/look on day 3 and make a decision then. It's a can of worms isn't it?
Personally - I'd grow to day 5 if possible but that's just me xx
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