Tuxcat, have you thought about the other ways you can have children in your lives.
We will foster if the Ivf doesn't work out. When I see my kids playing, I think that's what it's about. Kids are so full of joy. And there are so many poor children who need a loving home and caring people in their lives. Sadly it's on the increase.
It is not the same as your own, but if it doesn't work out, it may be a way to heal the heartbreak.