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  1. #1
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    Default 3rd? Is it a bad idea?

    For every practical reason I can think of, we should be done. I have surprised myself by considering a third - I am not good with new babies, I struggle to cope. But DS is 6mo now and is so easy and fun to look after. DD is 3.5 and awesome.

    We have 1 frozen embryo left. I think if we had none or 20, it would be an easier decision but I feel really sad when I consider discarding that embryo.

    Is it really tough having 3? Is there a lot of sacrifice in terms of time spent with each child?

    Money isn't really an issue for us and we'll be moving into a bigger house soon so no space issues either. I am studying though (via distance, only 1 subject per semester) and want to be able to continue with it, possibly increasing my study load so I can finish earlier.

    If you had control of my life what would you decide??

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    I would try if I had one embryo left and let fate decide. But I love babies and would have 10 if my DH let me.

    What does your DH think?

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    He'd happily have another. I think he would like as many as I was willing to have.

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    If I had one embryo id definitely transfer it.

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    I'm not in your position, I only have DS and am quite content with one for now but if I was and had 1 embryo left Id give it a go. If it's ment to be it will be. 😊

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    I think the fact you are even contemplating it tells me you aren't done. The newborn stage is fleeting so the difficult period for you is short. You both would like another, can afford it, have the space.

    Based on everything you've said, I would transfer that last embie and let nature decide.

  7. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to delirium For This Useful Post:

    zooey  (17-02-2015),~Marigold~  (17-02-2015)

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    Default 3rd? Is it a bad idea?

    I think it's a really personal and individual decision but in my experience:

    *3 is much more busy than 2, just like 2 is much more busy than 1 (der I know but hey)

    *organisational skills need to be pretty good because things pile up quicker (washing, dishes, lunch packing (over time) meals etc.

    *In terms of attention for each child it does become a little more difficult for obvious reasons- spending time in a group mentality becomes more prominent but there are ways around this (having date nights with each child once a week ex: every Sunday take one child out and leave the other two with Dh, alternate which child each week, spending evenings with older kids when smaller kids/kid has gone to bed etc- spending time with younger kids/kid when older kid/kids are at school etc)

    *the house becomes much more full (I think this is a positive personally) but you have to be ready for less quiet time and more havoc

    *obvious things like bigger car/more space etc needed

    *Be prepared to be dealing with a heavier load of potential issues in future (think parent teacher interviews, paediatrician appointments, doctors visits, specialists, extra curricular activities- life will become extremely full/busy and at times very costly (though you mention finance isn't an issue)

    *The love factor is a huge plus. I personally don't think love becomes divided with each extra child- rather- it expands. Every child you have becomes the love of your life and you realise just how infinite this emotion can be- it's a very positive thing!

    *stress load- yeah- this will be a thing make sure you have a lot of good friends, outlets and support- but again, all things can be worked around xo

    I think if it's something you desire in your heart than you should strongly discuss and consider it! I would rather be sure I am done with a heavy workload than a little lighter on work but left wondering "what if"

    Last edited by KiWolf; 17-02-2015 at 16:52.

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  10. #8
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    I'd have ten kids if it were possible, lol.

    You never know, you may find your 3rd time around easier during those first few months you had previously struggled as A) you have experience/know what to expect and B) be prepared for any emotional hurdles.
    I think the whole pregnancy/birthing/having a child is the best thing on earth and considering all other aspects in your life are happy and stable, I say go for it.

    Good luck, I'm stupidly excited for you, hehe

    ETA- just wanted to add, I spent 12 years avoiding having another baby due to my fear that the depression/anxiety I struggled with after my first would hit me again. I actually spoke to my midwife team about it and we were prepared to deal with it should it happen again. I was actually almost 100% certain that it would, I thought it was just me, just my make up. Well, I couldn't have been more wrong. Having another baby was pure bliss and that was such a pleasant surprise! For years I'd been filled with dread at the thought of it and it was all for nothing. Every baby/pregnancy/experience is different.
    Last edited by ~Marigold~; 17-02-2015 at 17:00.

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  12. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Marigold~ View Post
    Good luck, I'm stupidly excited for you, hehe
    Lol thanks!

    I'm sure it would be different, it was definitely easier with DS as his CMPI wasn't as bad as DD. He's also a much more relaxed baby by nature. I had PND both times but was much better prepared second time around. I know it would be different challenges. I'm just scared of getting a really difficult baby and completely losing my mind!

    The problem with transferring that embryo - I wouldn't transfer it unless I was completely sure I wanted it to work. If I was that committed to it, I don't think i'd be able to stop trying if it didn't work and would end up either doing more cycles or be devastated that it didn't happen. Does that make sense?

    All those considerations a PP listed are also what I worry about.

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    Default 3rd? Is it a bad idea?

    I completely understand where you're coming from and can see how you're caught between one decision or another and the reasons behind both arguments. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here.

    The only advice I can offer is to not make a decision right away- take some time out to really think it through, have some discussions with your partner and sleep on it over some time.

    Try not to worry or stress yourself on rushing anything The right choice I think will come to you just in good time and with plenty of discussion/thinking things through.


 

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