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  1. #51
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    DT75, I hope your DSS is okay!

    I think it would be wise to have a n agreement drawn up because what you are paying is not fair.

  2. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by FrothyFrog View Post
    DT75, I hope your DSS is okay!

    I think it would be wise to have a n agreement drawn up because what you are paying is not fair.
    He will be, poor thing. They're keeping him in overnight.

    She won't sign it, ever. We really don't want to have to do the court thing, as the kids are old enough now to be "involved"... I wonder if I can convince her that some of it is her​ idea...

  3. #53
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    @DT75, I wish there were more step parents & fathers like yourself & your husband. I hope I wasn't coming across as a general way, I wasn't I was just purely speaking from my own experience. My ex used to proclaim to everyone "I pay what child support tell me to pay!"but he wouldnt tell people the amount was $0, while he was working full time and living with his parents rent free, while I was raising our son on my own having to get my parents to help me financially get by week to week because he felt he owed nothing towards his child, yet wanted to see him each fortnight.

    My DF's best friend is a fantastic father that goes above & beyond what is asked of him also, because he loves his two girls and would do anything for them I feel the two of you are the same here.

    While my situation is very different to yours, please don't feel as though you "owe" your step children's mother anything more than what CS has decided what is fair (which imo is very generous, compared to the $100 per month I receive). She shouldn't be signing the children up to activities, expecting you to foot the bill, without coming to an agreement. You two shouldn't be paying maintenance for her house, plus everything else on top of what you guys already pay. Perhaps see if she will agree to go to mediation to come to an agreement and get an agreement written up?

  4. #54
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    -wrong thread-
    Last edited by DT75; 17-02-2015 at 12:15.

  5. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pusheen The Cat View Post
    @DT75, I wish there were more step parents & fathers like yourself & your husband. I hope I wasn't coming across as a general way, I wasn't I was just purely speaking from my own experience. My ex used to proclaim to everyone "I pay what child support tell me to pay!"but he wouldnt tell people the amount was $0, while he was working full time and living with his parents rent free, while I was raising our son on my own having to get my parents to help me financially get by week to week because he felt he owed nothing towards his child, yet wanted to see him each fortnight.

    My DF's best friend is a fantastic father that goes above & beyond what is asked of him also, because he loves his two girls and would do anything for them I feel the two of you are the same here.

    While my situation is very different to yours, please don't feel as though you "owe" your step children's mother anything more than what CS has decided what is fair (which imo is very generous, compared to the $100 per month I receive). She shouldn't be signing the children up to activities, expecting you to foot the bill, without coming to an agreement. You two shouldn't be paying maintenance for her house, plus everything else on top of what you guys already pay. Perhaps see if she will agree to go to mediation to come to an agreement and get an agreement written up?
    We're really not 'all that'. As far as I am concerned, the kids should be treated the same way they would be if DH and ex were still together- i.e. they shouldn't miss out just because their parents don't get along. It's not their fault.

    Your ex is an a$$hat. I will never understand people refusing to provide for (or lying about) their children.

    We do adore the kids, it's hard not too- they are wonderful people. It's a fine line, and sometimes is difficult, but we don't ever want them to feel that. It is up to us adults to make sure that things run smoothly.

    I don't feel we 'owe' her as such. I feel we owe the kids. They deserve to be able to do activities they like. But they also deserve to study and do homework, and show their teachers and peers how clever we know they are.

    We have asked for mediation several times over the years, for different reasons. I am hoping that this investigation (if it ever happens) will kick DH into gear. I can't do anything, and don't want to. He has to be the one to push for it.

  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    We're really not 'all that'. As far as I am concerned, the kids should be treated the same way they would be if DH and ex were still together- i.e. they shouldn't miss out just because their parents don't get along. It's not their fault.

    Your ex is an a$$hat. I will never understand people refusing to provide for (or lying about) their children.

    We do adore the kids, it's hard not too- they are wonderful people. It's a fine line, and sometimes is difficult, but we don't ever want them to feel that. It is up to us adults to make sure that things run smoothly.

    I don't feel we 'owe' her as such. I feel we owe the kids. They deserve to be able to do activities they like. But they also deserve to study and do homework, and show their teachers and peers how clever we know they are.

    We have asked for mediation several times over the years, for different reasons. I am hoping that this investigation (if it ever happens) will kick DH into gear. I can't do anything, and don't want to. He has to be the one to push for it.
    Yeah exactly, I hope your DSS is ok! Hopefully things work themselves out!

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Pusheen The Cat For This Useful Post:

    DT75  (18-02-2015)

  8. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by HappyBovine View Post
    The kids shouldn't be involved in adult matters. Having them hand you bills is not on. I'm gobsmacked a parent would do that. In Qld there are post separation courses run by Lifeline that address this sort of behaviour:

    http://www.uccommunity.org.au/family...tive-parenting

    If there is something like this available in your area, I would be pushing mediation to discuss everything and insisting you all do the course (not saying I think you need to go, it's just my experience in mediation that I had to say we need to do blah blah to improve the situation for the kids and not target exdh specfically).
    The kids aren't handing us bills. Invoices are sent to us via email.
    The school was putting notes in their bags, but have stopped.

    The problem is, that without us going to court and them making her do it, she won't. We have tried everything. She doesn't want to be 'held to action', even if it was something she suggested.

    ETA: I meant involved in the court proceedings.
    Last edited by DT75; 18-02-2015 at 09:32.


 

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