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  1. #31
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    I receive and pay CS. I think it is a contribution towards child related expenses. This includes food, clothing, education, childcare, accommodation, entertainment.
    The CS that FOB pays for my DD goes entirely to daycare fees, there's not a cent left over. Once she goes to school I will put CS towards clothes and food.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleWoman View Post
    Haven't read all posts, in the past the child support covered everything, the paying parent bought clothes for their own house and paid for activities done in their time, we were the receiving parent for dss a while and we covered everything else from school fees to regular activities ie swimming, karate.
    I would never expect bio mum to pay child support AND extra for activities.

    I don't think it's fair for you to keep paying for her classes if bio mum isn't taking her. Is there any way you could take her to make sure she's going but also not making her miss out? If that wasn't an option I would no longer be paying for the classes
    If it was on our day, yes we could take her. But we only have one school morning a fortnight... so she'd miss one anyway.

    Their mother needs to take her, or we cancel the lessons, I think.

    BTW, on the subject of after-school activities- do you discuss with the other parent, activities BEFORE you sign them up (if it means the other has to take them regularly)?

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by LotusMum View Post
    In my case, cs received for three of my children is a nominal amount to cover all direct and indirect expenses as described above. The amount was assessed by child support but he pays me directly and it's almost what child support said to pay.
    My partner and I pay for all extracurricular activities including costumes, instruments, travel, and all extra school fees. I also pay for any birthday presents the kids need to take to parties, clothes and shoes, toiletries, bags whatever for when they're at their fathers house. He occasionally helps with a part of something like he recently bought one of the children a used violin, it was a first! He literally pays for cs and that's it. He mostly takes them to his parents, so he's not even providing food for them at his house.

    As for the second part, I'd stop paying for the music tuition, it's clearly not working.
    Ultimately it would be fair to pay cs as assessed, then half of agreed activities, and then only what's needed for them at your house. I'd certainly be happy with that.

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    My bold- here is the basis of most of our problems. We never know what they are doing, until we have to take them to an activity. Or until we get an invoice. There is no discussion, she just signs the up, gives them our details for payment, and we deal with it.

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollywood View Post
    I receive and pay CS. I think it is a contribution towards child related expenses. This includes food, clothing, education, childcare, accommodation, entertainment.
    The CS that FOB pays for my DD goes entirely to daycare fees, there's not a cent left over. Once she goes to school I will put CS towards clothes and food.
    See, in my head, clothes, food, rent, etc are stuff she should pay for from her wage. We pay for them at ours from our wage.
    If CS is to cover basics, why does she not pay half of the basics for our time with them?
    (I'm not saying she should, but as a concept that is the only 'fair').

  5. #35
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    Default What is it for? (Child Support)

    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    If it was on our day, yes we could take her. But we only have one school morning a fortnight... so she'd miss one anyway.

    Their mother needs to take her, or we cancel the lessons, I think.

    BTW, on the subject of after-school activities- do you discuss with the other parent, activities BEFORE you sign them up (if it means the other has to take them regularly)?
    In the past we organised activities in our own time and didn't discuss with bio mum, we paid for it.
    Now we have a better relationship with bio mum now and yes will discuss. Dss goes to the tutor weekly, and cricket ATM (1 night training, 1 night playing) we had to limit his after school activities to 3 nights a week. Dss gets to choose what he does outside of the tutor, so our 'discussions' are more letting bio mum know what dss wants and if she doesn't agree that's her chance to object. We all want what's best for dss but at the same time have an understanding that we can't keep handing out money, especially since we now have a ds and another on the way

    Is there any way you could organise the lessons to be fortnightly?

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    My bold- here is the basis of most of our problems. We never know what they are doing, until we have to take them to an activity. Or until we get an invoice. There is no discussion, she just signs the up, gives them our details for payment, and we deal with it.
    Well that's not fair and where you will have to say no. If my ex was to pay half, then we would discuss the activities first, however, as he doesn't, I don't. I also chose activities that won't interrupt his time with them very much. So two of the girls do dancing during the week and one does violin lessons at school.

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  8. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleWoman View Post
    In the past we organised activities in our own time and didn't discuss with bio mum, we paid for it.
    Now we have a better relationship with bio mum now and yes will discuss. Dss goes to the tutor weekly, and cricket ATM (1 night training, 1 night playing) we had to limit his after school activities to 3 nights a week. Dss gets to choose what he does outside of the tutor, so our 'discussions' are more letting bio mum know what dss wants and if she doesn't agree that's her chance to object. We all want what's best for dss but at the same time have an understanding that we can't keep handing out money, especially since we now have a ds and another on the way

    Is there any way you could organise the lessons to be fortnightly?
    On our own time is fine, we do that all the time.
    But for activities that we need to bring them to, we don't know unless the kids tell us or we get an invoice.

    No I looked into it originally, as music was our suggestion. But they will only do weekly.

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    Quote Originally Posted by LotusMum View Post
    Well that's not fair and where you will have to say no. If my ex was to pay half, then we would discuss the activities first, however, as he doesn't, I don't. I also chose activities that won't interrupt his time with them very much. So two of the girls do dancing during the week and one does violin lessons at school.

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    We don't mind taking them- it's great to actually see them take part. But not knowing unless the kids tell us/we get invoiced makes thing really difficult.
    We have cancelled so much stuff over the years, because one or the other had regular activities we didn't find out about until after organising things (like our wedding!)

  10. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    See, in my head, clothes, food, rent, etc are stuff she should pay for from her wage. We pay for them at ours from our wage.
    If CS is to cover basics, why does she not pay half of the basics for our time with them?
    (I'm not saying she should, but as a concept that is the only 'fair').
    Technically you're only paying part of those things for at her home, cs definitely doesn't cover the full amount, also when the child is at your home she is paying part of that by the amount she receives is not higher. What I mean is, the more time the child is with you, the less you pay in child support.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    See, in my head, clothes, food, rent, etc are stuff she should pay for from her wage. We pay for them at ours from our wage.
    If CS is to cover basics, why does she not pay half of the basics for our time with them?
    (I'm not saying she should, but as a concept that is the only 'fair').
    I think, correct me if I am wrong but the reason she wouldn't have to pay for basics at your house is because her income is lower and they would have taken that into account when working out CS.

    My Dad paid CS to my Mum for my siblings (I lived with Dad) and she used it for rent, food, clothes. If she didn't they wouldn't have had those things so I think it is perfectly reasonable to spend it on that.

    I don't think she should be allowed to sign the kids up for activities and only tell you later and expect you to pay for them. I would put my foot down about that.

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