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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    We have suggested it, but she refuses.
    DH has always said that she will never get anything legalised because then she has to be held to things, and she likes things to go her way.
    I never entirely believed it until this last year.

    I have asked them a few times (they have always been brutally honest with me, whereas with their mum and dad, they say what they think is right at the tme). They both love all the activities, but they agree that they are tired. DSS says it's too hard to choose between them and wants us to do it, and DSD gets upset- while she knows she can't keep doing this many, she loves them all.

    I fear our only option is to say we will pay for half of these 3 (swimming for both, music for both, and another they can pick) and the rest is up to her.

    I think thats the best way to go.. I know if it was me, thats what id do... those poor kids.. i feel for them.... what a shame their mum cant see how exhausted they are

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  3. #22
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    I receive CS for DD1. I get $120 a week for her and thats it no extras for activities or school fees.

    All the stuff that doesnt fit into that $120 a week DH & i pay for. For example school is $46pw fees, dancing $70 pw - obviously we still have to clothe her, feed her, put a roof over her head, transport, health care and thats not really delving into it very deep.

    X offered years ago to pay for her swimming lessons, i gratefully accepted until i found out he meant he would pay for swimming but minus the amount off the CS he pays weekly - not really helpful at all.

    In your position id be pushing for something legal to be drawn up before you guys are broke. You should not be paying for anything at her house and the CS should be being used for school associated costs. The only extra i see as fair is half of the extra activities but id be capping it to 2/3 activities each

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  5. #23
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    I get CS and it just goes into the general pool of money I use to house/feed/educate my child. It doesn't cover all her costs but helps a lot.

    If if she was missing the lessons as you describe I would certainly cancel them. I can't imagine why a parent would pay that much if they didnt make it a priority to go.

  6. #24
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    I can't answer the first question. But if she loves music that much is there any way you guys could take her when you have her? Or are there music classes offered through school? If not, then I think it is okay to not pay for the music lessons.

  7. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by beebs View Post
    I can't answer the first question. But if she loves music that much is there any way you guys could take her when you have her? Or are there music classes offered through school? If not, then I think it is okay to not pay for the music lessons.
    Lessons are on a morning that we never have the kids.
    The only mid-week time we have them is alternate Wednesdays.

    So, in order to do that, she would have one lesson a fortnight.
    No way will their mother rearrange custody.

  8. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by beancounter View Post
    I get CS and it just goes into the general pool of money I use to house/feed/educate my child. It doesn't cover all her costs but helps a lot.

    If if she was missing the lessons as you describe I would certainly cancel them. I can't imagine why a parent would pay that much if they didnt make it a priority to go.
    Their mother doesn't pay for them. We pay for 100% of music lessons, as it was important to DH that they do something musical (the kids wanted to too), and not to her. So she doesn't pay anything towards it.

  9. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by HappyBovine View Post
    I qualify to answer the first part of your question.

    Standard child support should be used as a contribution towards all direct and indirect costs in the raising of a child.

    Examples of direct:
    Food
    Clothing
    Schooling - fees, books, uniforms, camps, excursions
    Extracurricular activities
    Birthday/ Christmas presents
    Haircuts
    Medical (excluding major medical as per CSA COA guidelines)
    Personal items and toiletries
    Linen - sheet / towels
    Bedroom furniture eg bed, desk

    Examples of indirect:
    Housing (mortgage /rent)
    Electricity
    Rates
    Water
    Car
    Car maintenance and running costs
    Furniture
    Household Appliances
    Family holiday

    The reality of course is that it is a part contribution only. Exdh doesn't pay anywhere near half. He also expects me to supply pretty well everything at his house. I often even send food so I know they will be fed something other than frozen pizza or homebrand noodles.

    I'll be back later with more thoughts. I'm at work and having major probs typing up this post as the work computers ONLY use internet explorer and the pop ads make typing difficult.
    We do separate birthday, event, etc presents. As, otherwise, she keeps everything at her house. We share the cost of big parties though.

  10. #28
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    I don't receive child support and am not in a position to claim it so I am speaking in a purely non-biased stand point.

    I would think "fair" would be basic costs of child. This would include a nominal amount for living expenses inlcuding electricity, rent/mortgage, transportation, groceries. Again nominal due to someone could live the high life and call it "basic costs".
    All other costs I would think would be made on a private arrangement.

    In regards to your circumstance, I don't think you should be obligated to pay for the music lessons, however, I would pay for half IF the mother made the effort to get her there.

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  12. #29
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    Haven't read all posts, in the past the child support covered everything, the paying parent bought clothes for their own house and paid for activities done in their time, we were the receiving parent for dss a while and we covered everything else from school fees to regular activities ie swimming, karate.
    I would never expect bio mum to pay child support AND extra for activities.

    I don't think it's fair for you to keep paying for her classes if bio mum isn't taking her. Is there any way you could take her to make sure she's going but also not making her miss out? If that wasn't an option I would no longer be paying for the classes

  13. #30
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    In my case, cs received for three of my children is a nominal amount to cover all direct and indirect expenses as described above. The amount was assessed by child support but he pays me directly and it's almost what child support said to pay.
    My partner and I pay for all extracurricular activities including costumes, instruments, travel, and all extra school fees. I also pay for any birthday presents the kids need to take to parties, clothes and shoes, toiletries, bags whatever for when they're at their fathers house. He occasionally helps with a part of something like he recently bought one of the children a used violin, it was a first! He literally pays for cs and that's it. He mostly takes them to his parents, so he's not even providing food for them at his house.

    As for the second part, I'd stop paying for the music tuition, it's clearly not working.
    Ultimately it would be fair to pay cs as assessed, then half of agreed activities, and then only what's needed for them at your house. I'd certainly be happy with that.

    Sent from my C6603 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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