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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheerilee View Post
    I agree with Louise ^^^. Child support should be for anything to do with raising the child/children.

    I don't think your DP has to keep paying for what he is currently paying for. Especially if you are paying for something that is being wasted.

    I think the $800 per month (or whatever you pay) should be spent first. If your DP wants to pay for more well I guess that is between your DP and his ex.

    I would first say you are unable to pay the 50% costs for things at her house and keep with the 50% costs of schooling things. Then go from there and see what happens.

    I get no child support at all. He doesn't pay and if he does get assessed to pay something I get abusive text messages (and he doesn't pay, until they threaten court action). He refuses to buy the children clothes for his house, so I send those as well.
    It is $500 from now (well from Sept last year but we have only now been informed) until the end of next year.

    The problem is that , legally, it is only DH who is liable for any costs. But because of all the activities and expectations, I am paying for them too. Now, I don't actually mind as I view it as 'our' money, but their mother expects it. And that is ridiculous. It is just not sustainable. Hence the lawyer.

    Yes, we also told her that we would no longer be covering costs at her house, as she does not cover anything at ours during our time with them.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    It's not part of the school's activities. The tutor is an ex-pupil who they have allowed to use a room outside of school hours. There was no 'school tutor' for her instrument. So, no, no lunch-time lessons.
    Oh bum, sorry, I assumed it was a school thing. I was going to say it would be sad for her to stop her music lessons, until I read that she was doing 8 after school activities! Poor little thing must be so busy and tired

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  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    I was the kid in the middle too- mum never got a cent though.

    Thank you.
    Yep, Mum also never got a cent. That prize of a man has now left my step mum for a 26 year old Vietnamese woman, moved to Vietnam, and told CS he has no money therefore is not required to pay CS again after leaving her with the mortgage and two teenagers in private schools. *******.

    I think you are doing so much for the kids. Good luck with new bubs too

  5. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise41 View Post
    that is alot of activities... Do the kids have any down time? Why are they doing so many? I think you and your hubby need to make a list of what you will pay for and then discuss with her and if needed compromise...
    The only down time they have is with us (up t 5 nights a fortnight)- and their mother complains that we are not keeping them active. Their homework is only ever done with us, so they are behind in school work.
    She wants them to do it, because she thinks they want it.
    Don't get me wrong, they are all activities the kids have expressed an interest in, but there is just too many! They are exhausted and sick all the time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by preggasaurus View Post
    My child support arrangement is very different to yours, however, I'll answer. My ex dh doesn't pay for anything like lessons or whatever, he just agreed to give me 'x' amount of money every fortnight to use as I see fit. Before we agreed on the amount, we both wrote out thorough and honest budgets including all of our expenses and came up with a figure that suited us. With no child support, just paying rent and bills, my expenses exceed my income on pps and ftb a and ftb b.

    I used the money as I see fit, when I see any of it, but that's a whole different story..
    I wish we could trust her to do this arrangement. I am very glad it works for you.

  7. #16
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    Maybe a compromise on their activities? One primary activity a year (so music lessons) and one other per term if they want, which they can change each term if they want to.
    I wouldn't be able to attend a before school music lesson if I was that exhausted either. Waking up would be hard enough. So maybe before canceling the classes, reduce what she's doing. It might be she's not making her classes and instead opting to sleep in.
    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    The only down time they have is with us (up t 5 nights a fortnight)- and their mother complains that we are not keeping them active. Their homework is only evuer done with us, so they are behind in school work.
    She wants them to do it, because she thinks they want it.
    Don't get me wrong, they are all activities the kids have expressed an interest in, but there is just too many! They are exhausted and sick all the time.

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  9. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    Yep, Mum also never got a cent. That prize of a man has now left my step mum for a 26 year old Vietnamese woman, moved to Vietnam, and told CS he has no money therefore is not required to pay CS again after leaving her with the mortgage and two teenagers in private schools. *******.

    I think you are doing so much for the kids. Good luck with new bubs too
    Wow, he is all class, I'm sorry
    Thank you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    The only down time they have is with us (up t 5 nights a fortnight)- and their mother complains that we are not keeping them active. Their homework is only ever done with us, so they are behind in school work.
    She wants them to do it, because she thinks they want it.
    Don't get me wrong, they are all activities the kids have expressed an interest in, but there is just too many! They are exhausted and sick all the time.


    wow thats crazy, the poor kids... can you , your DH and the EXW to mediation and discuss it all with a 3rd party? i know how heated things can get and we found mediation to nut out the issues really helpful.. we both wanted different things and in the end we compromised and its worked well since.. (although i cant wait until the end of this year and i dont have to deal with him as much lol)... I really think the kids need to have more down time... has anyone asked them how they feel about the activities? This would be good for mediation, get the person to talk to the kids about it , as kids will often tell a parent what they think they want to hear - does that make sense?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    Maybe a compromise on their activities? One primary activity a year (so music lessons) and one other per term if they want, which they can change each term if they want to.
    I wouldn't be able to attend a before school music lesson if I was that exhausted either. Waking up would be hard enough. So maybe before canceling the classes, reduce what she's doing. It might be she's not making her classes and instead opting to sleep in.
    No, that is not the case. She is on the school premises at 8.15 am always- they get signed in. She is then supposed to take her from school sign-in to music and the tutor walks her back. Some days her mother does this (hence 15 late) and some days refuses to walk her to music.

    We are thinking of suggesting that they continue with swimming and two other activities. So, 3 each.

    ETA: we do not want to encourage the per term thing, as it would be a nightmare. They both are very 'in the now' kids. So, we would rather they do activities they actually want to do, rather than whatever takes their fancy.
    Plus, it's hard to budget for activities without knowing what they are doing, and it takes them months to decide that, yes, they do want to do that.
    Last edited by DT75; 16-02-2015 at 10:05.

  12. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise41 View Post
    wow thats crazy, the poor kids... can you , your DH and the EXW to mediation and discuss it all with a 3rd party? i know how heated things can get and we found mediation to nut out the issues really helpful.. we both wanted different things and in the end we compromised and its worked well since.. (although i cant wait until the end of this year and i dont have to deal with him as much lol)... I really think the kids need to have more down time... has anyone asked them how they feel about the activities? This would be good for mediation, get the person to talk to the kids about it , as kids will often tell a parent what they think they want to hear - does that make sense?
    We have suggested it, but she refuses.
    DH has always said that she will never get anything legalised because then she has to be held to things, and she likes things to go her way.
    I never entirely believed it until this last year.

    I have asked them a few times (they have always been brutally honest with me, whereas with their mum and dad, they say what they think is right at the tme). They both love all the activities, but they agree that they are tired. DSS says it's too hard to choose between them and wants us to do it, and DSD gets upset- while she knows she can't keep doing this many, she loves them all.

    I fear our only option is to say we will pay for half of these 3 (swimming for both, music for both, and another they can pick) and the rest is up to her.


 

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