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  1. #1
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    Default What is it for? (Child Support)

    So, I have an agenda here, but want opinions first.

    I would like to, initially, limit the opinions to those who have/are going through the circumstances themselves- i.e. people who pay or receive child support. Mainly, because I want real-life answers and not 'what I would do if'. Thanks.

    My question- what is child support for?

    Does it cover all child-related costs, or just the basics (and an agreement iis made about the rest).
    I do not want a debate here. I just want opinions on what you think C.S. is for.



    This part is open to everyone

    After that, please respond (and debate if you wish) the following:

    We have always agreed that C.S. is for everything child-related at her house (even though we pay for almost everything else).

    Recently, we learned (from the tutor, and DSD) that DSD’s mother has either not been taking her to music lessons, or turning up 15 minutes late.
    It is never earlier than 15 minutes.
    The lesson is for 30 minutes once a week.

    We have now stated, clearly, that after this term, we will no longer be paying for the lessons.

    Two reasons:
    1. Unless we give 24 hours (or more) notice, we are charged for the lesson, regardless of whether she shows or not, and
    2. She has been doing these lessons for 10 months, and has been to 15 of them… out of (roughly) 40. So, 25 lessons missed.
    Now she did miss, maybe 10, because of illness and a broken hand.
    But that means she has still missed 15 lessons… plus the fact that of the 15 she has done, she has only been there for half a lesson.

    The lesson is on the school premises, before school- a 3 minute walk from their apartment. Her mother chose the day and time, we just arranged (and paid) for it.

    Are we being unfair? We would love for DSD to continue, as she loves it, but it is very expensive (10 week term costs $600, plus the instrument cost $2300). We are now expecting, and want to keep spending to a minimum. So if she’s not going to the lessons, why pay for them? We think if her mother cannot ensure that she will be on time (or even go) that she needs to work out how to pay for them from cs.

    As a note: We have been paying $800 (dropped to $500 this month) a month in cs, 100% of costs at our house, 50% of costs at their mother’s house, and 50% of all school, care, and activity costs. We are getting legal advice on what we do not need to pay (the 50% at hers will go).
    In the meantime, I want to know what you lovely people think (obviously when you're going through it that is all you can see, so other views will help).

    Please, please, please, answer the first part, and then respond to our situation. I really want to know what YOU think cs is for first.

    ETA: of the lessons she missed, DSD is adamant she was not ill, and that they "just didn't go, even when I asked mummy". We got the dates missed from the tutor, and have confirmed she attended school those days. Lesson is at 8am, have to be at school by 8.55am.
    Last edited by DT75; 16-02-2015 at 09:19.

  2. #2
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    I cannot answer the first part of your post. I have only been 'the kid in the middle' of the CS battle.

    The second part, 100% i think you are well within your rights to stop paying for the lessons. If the mother cannot organise herself enough to get her there on time she be liable for the missed lessons herself.

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to heplusme For This Useful Post:

    DT75  (16-02-2015),PomPoms  (16-02-2015)

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    My view is that CS is for all things related to the child/ren..Its not meant to fund the lifestyle of the person who has the child/ren. I would never expect my EXH to pay for my personal things , nor would i expect him to pay for my rent or mortgage...


    My EX husband pays CS , the money is/was only used for uniforms, school shoes, text books, stationary, excursions, after school sports or activities such as gymnastics ,school photos ( his copies), flights to and from to see him. We have had this arrangement for the past 14 years and this is his last year of paying.I never physically received any money, it was a private agreement and he paid the school or sporting assoc directly.. It worked well for us although it was far less than what CSA said he needed to pay me but in the end I was sick of fighting him for things that i just agreed.

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    Don't meet the criteria to answer the first question

    As for the lessons, I woudln't be paying for them if she wasn't going, however, can you get the time changed so that it's either at little or big lunch? I think they do music lessons within the school day don't they? That way she doesn't miss her lessons because her mum can't be bothered taking her to school early.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise41 View Post
    My view is that CS is for all things related to the child/ren..Its not meant to fund the lifestyle of the person who has the child/ren. I would never expect my EXH to pay for my personal things , nor would i expect him to pay for my rent or mortgage...


    My EX husband pays CS , the money is/was only used for uniforms, school shoes, text books, stationary, excursions, after school sports or activities such as gymnastics ,school photos ( his copies), flights to and from to see him. We have had this arrangement for the past 14 years and this is his last year of paying.I never physically received any money, it was a private agreement and he paid the school or sporting assoc directly.. It worked well for us although it was far less than what CSA said he needed to pay me but in the end I was sick of fighting him for things that i just agreed.
    This is what we think CS is for too- though, we are open to paying for half of activities if the kids want to do them, as they're not 'necessities' so we are ok with CS not being enough to cover them.
    On the flip side- DSD is doing 8! activities, and DSS 5... we feel that is too much.
    So, maybe we do need to tell her CS is for everything.

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    Quote Originally Posted by CazHazKidz View Post
    Don't meet the criteria to answer the first question

    As for the lessons, I woudln't be paying for them if she wasn't going, however, can you get the time changed so that it's either at little or big lunch? I think they do music lessons within the school day don't they? That way she doesn't miss her lessons because her mum can't be bothered taking her to school early.
    It's not part of the school's activities. The tutor is an ex-pupil who they have allowed to use a room outside of school hours. There was no 'school tutor' for her instrument. So, no, no lunch-time lessons.

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    I agree with Louise ^^^. Child support should be for anything to do with raising the child/children.

    I don't think your DP has to keep paying for what he is currently paying for. Especially if you are paying for something that is being wasted.

    I think the $800 per month (or whatever you pay) should be spent first. If your DP wants to pay for more well I guess that is between your DP and his ex.

    I would first say you are unable to pay the 50% costs for things at her house and keep with the 50% costs of schooling things. Then go from there and see what happens.

    I get no child support at all. He doesn't pay and if he does get assessed to pay something I get abusive text messages (and he doesn't pay, until they threaten court action). He refuses to buy the children clothes for his house, so I send those as well.

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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    I cannot answer the first part of your post. I have only been 'the kid in the middle' of the CS battle.

    The second part, 100% i think you are well within your rights to stop paying for the lessons. If the mother cannot organise herself enough to get her there on time she be liable for the missed lessons herself.
    I was the kid in the middle too- mum never got a cent though.

    Thank you.

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    that is alot of activities... Do the kids have any down time? Why are they doing so many? I think you and your hubby need to make a list of what you will pay for and then discuss with her and if needed compromise...

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    My child support arrangement is very different to yours, however, I'll answer. My ex dh doesn't pay for anything like lessons or whatever, he just agreed to give me 'x' amount of money every fortnight to use as I see fit. Before we agreed on the amount, we both wrote out thorough and honest budgets including all of our expenses and came up with a figure that suited us. With no child support, just paying rent and bills, my expenses exceed my income on pps and ftb a and ftb b.

    I used the money as I see fit, when I see any of it, but that's a whole different story..


 

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