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  1. #761
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    Has anyone else read this article?
    http://mobile.news.com.au/lifestyle/...-1227299910083
    I'm completely confident in our decision to move to donor eggs but when I read this I get worried thinking "am I being selfish choosing south Africa and anonymous donors but because it's easier for us now?"
    What are your thoughts?

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  3. #762
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    Quote Originally Posted by EmmaJane75 View Post
    I was told I will have to pay for my donor's travel expenses when I nominated her as she lives outside of Cape Town. I am assuming that the thinking behind it is the donor shouldn't incur any expenses in donating to us. That said, it might be worth asking for a receipt if you have concerns.


    Sent from my iPad using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Hi I asked for receipts and she provided them and is happy for me to reimburse when I'm in Cape Town.

  4. #763
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    Quote Originally Posted by wazbub View Post
    Has anyone else read this article?
    http://mobile.news.com.au/lifestyle/...-1227299910083
    I'm completely confident in our decision to move to donor eggs but when I read this I get worried thinking "am I being selfish choosing south Africa and anonymous donors but because it's easier for us now?"
    What are your thoughts?
    I have done quite a bit of research on this in the past as before I met my partner, I was trying to go the solo parent route and went through a couple of treatments using donor sperm. The overwhelming evidence points to donor children coping better when they know their donor status from a young age rather than finding out later in life. For this reason I personally plan on telling them as early as possible. It is unfortunate that the laws in South Africa keep donors anonymous and I will certainly keep an eye on the laws to see if they ever change, but in the meantime I think the donor profiles the agency provide are a great start as something to pass on to our children, so they have some insight into who their biological parent is, especially with the child photos that are provided.

    The one good thing these days is being a donor child isn't the taboo topic it used to be, so parents are more willing to discuss it with their kids and possibly find other families in the same situation. I am sure that children who are adopted go through similar feelings, and interestingly enough my donor is adopted and doesn't know anything about her biological family except she has a bit of info on her mum - it hasn't stopped her thinking that donation is a bad thing


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  6. #764
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    I figure if they grow up talking about it and thinking it is normal it will not seem strange or a shock to them. I'm sure there'll be issues at some stage with the whole 'you're not my real mother' but as someone who found out at 18 that I had another half sibling w ho my mother adopted out I've seen how 'secrets' effect families and would never go that way. I have spoken at length to my half sister as to how she felt while trying to find my mum..she had no genetic siblings as he whole family were adopted and she told me that as long as love is at the base of our family at the end of the day the other stuff will work itself out. I'm just open and honest and won't change that in how I talk to Edie.

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  8. #765
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    I too read the article and had a bit of a concern re CT anonymity but who knows, in 18 years time they may also change some laws...plus we have quite good profile info.

    I also plan to talk to my kids early on, don't know when and how yet but I don't want to lie and then shock them at their vulnerable age. They need to know that mummy wanted them so much but didn't have her own starting seedling so a kind lady came to help out and gave the much needed seed to start our family. There are books that educate us on how and what to tell...one is called 'It takes three to make a baby'

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  10. #766
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    I think I know enough about my egg and sperm donors (school photos in uniforms) and their professions or degrees that in time, with social media, it may be possible to track them down.

    There's no way I will not be telling my child where they came from. All you need is one complex situation and the truth will come out. Honesty is the best policy.

    My donor was outdide Cape Town and I paid about $100 in travel costs. To me that's nothing compared with what things would cost in Australia.

    I have no issue with using an anonymous donor for ease, considering my age, considering a lack of choice in Australia, and considering the attitudes of some donors here and their demands on recipients. I've followed people being elated to suddenly left in the lurch before starting their cycles. I personally want things to be straightforward and organised, and Cape Town was all of those things.

    Hope everyone is doing well.

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  12. #767
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    I saw that article and was aware of the program on SBS? or ABC? last year. When I have done a bit of research a lot of the information seems geared towards donor sperm.

    Can anyone point me in the direction of resources specific to donor egg conception?

    We plan to tell the any children we may be lucky enough to have that they are donor conceived from an early age. I have cousins who are adopted (the closest parallel that I can think of) and they were told early and seemed to have coped well. However my FIL's mother is adopted and it is a sore spot for FIL and not something that she speaks of either. I think FIL found out quite late and was not given much information or support - it is not something we want to repeat.

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  14. #768
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    If you want real research you would need to do a Medline search for research into this topic.

    The internet is full of 'personal' views which is not research.

    And just because research is printed doesn't mean it's credible.....study design, numbers, bias, journal it's printed in. It takes a lot of critical thinking to wade through articles sometimes.

    One of my friends is adopted and has no interest in who her birth parents were. She considers her adoptive parents to fully be her parents. Every personality will deal with things differently. I doubt you would find black and white evidence in an area that is many shades of grey.
    Last edited by KMP; 12-04-2015 at 11:57.

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  16. #769
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    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16500327

    Not full text but medical school library would have that journal. Would cost $20 or more for full text normally.

  17. #770
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    http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/1...871.x/abstract

    This has full text....and says quality of parenting in donor conceived children was superior....

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    Sunnygirl04  (12-04-2015)


 

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