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  1. #891
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    Actually my Perth counsellor told me to read it as a bed time story. Or when they ask about having another sibling if he doesn't have one. I think I will ask for professional help when the time comes. DH is actually quite sad for the idea that people would know after the kid goes to school. And friends kids know about it too. He is still feeling sad about not being able to have a bio child. On the other hand, one can tell the child in a different way that not everyone needs to know. No intention to hide but not making it too special either. That's what the counsellor told me. Also at that age, children might be more interested in toys than talking about making babies.

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    two souls  (25-01-2016)

  3. #892
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    Default Azoospermia #2

    Quote Originally Posted by Barca07 View Post
    @two souls
    Thanks for being so honest

    I was asking because it is something I am already thinking about...How and when to tell our kids.
    I guess I should just focus on getting the baby first 😉
    That's ok 😄 I'm happy to share
    we are all in this situation together and you gals are the only ones who truly understand

    Good luck for Wednesday 🙏 I'm having a FET as well that day though I'm not feeling to confident. My lining was only 6.1 on trigger day. They tell me it can still thicken up but I'm not so sure
    Last edited by two souls; 25-01-2016 at 20:14.

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    JenniwithanI  (26-01-2016)

  5. #893
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    I have spoken to our clinic and know that DD has 6 'half' siblings. It is a bit weird to think about it. As DD will be our only child it is actually sort of comforting to know that she might one day meet people who truly get her situation. As someone mentioned I hope that I can raise a well adjusted adult that will understand all of this and see the donor as a small piece in her large puzzle.

    I have written DD a book about her story and we read it at bedtime. She is 2.5 years and much more interested in the pictures of her in my tummy then understanding how she got there.

    We have never hidden it from anyone and lots of our friends and family know, but it isn't something we discuss much. Even people who do know often comment on how much DD is like DH, so it really isn't a big issue.

    Honestly I think the deciding part was so much more difficult than this part. DH and I are so busy being parents that the 'how she got here story' barely even registers.

    We saw a great counsellor and I would absolutely recommend finding one that you click with. ours was great and I also saw her a number of times after we decided to use ds and she was great through my rather difficult pregnancy.

    Best of luck with your decisions, it really is such an individual decision.

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    Barca07  (26-01-2016),DeterminedOne  (26-01-2016),JenniwithanI  (26-01-2016)

  7. #894
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    Like DJ nett said, we are also very busy to being parents ATM. DS is colic and we are still battling everyday to find a way to help him. Eat, sleep, poo keeps us busy enough. He looks very much like DH as well.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Nette View Post
    I have spoken to our clinic and know that DD has 6 'half' siblings. It is a bit weird to think about it. As DD will be our only child it is actually sort of comforting to know that she might one day meet people who truly get her situation. As someone mentioned I hope that I can raise a well adjusted adult that will understand all of this and see the donor as a small piece in her large puzzle.

    I have written DD a book about her story and we read it at bedtime. She is 2.5 years and much more interested in the pictures of her in my tummy then understanding how she got there.

    We have never hidden it from anyone and lots of our friends and family know, but it isn't something we discuss much. Even people who do know often comment on how much DD is like DH, so it really isn't a big issue.

    Honestly I think the deciding part was so much more difficult than this part. DH and I are so busy being parents that the 'how she got here story' barely even registers.

    We saw a great counsellor and I would absolutely recommend finding one that you click with. ours was great and I also saw her a number of times after we decided to use ds and she was great through my rather difficult pregnancy.

    Best of luck with your decisions, it really is such an individual decision.
    This has been really helpful DJ Nette thank you. I too am looking to create a book using some of the scans and images of me pregnant to explain the conception. I am wondering did anyone go back to IVF counsellor for any extra advise or suggestions or own counsellor?

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    Quote Originally Posted by two souls View Post
    That's ok 😄 I'm happy to share
    we are all in this situation together and you gals are the only ones who truly understand

    Good luck for Wednesday 🙏 I'm having a FET as well that day though I'm not feeling to confident. My lining was only 6.1 on trigger day. They tell me it can still thicken up but I'm not so sure
    Good luck two souls!!

  10. #897
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsSIG View Post
    This is very true, each child will deal differently... Maybe they won't even want to know..

    My DH would probably like it better knowing there was some of his family blood in the child. But it won't be an option for us.

    It's a difficult road to go down no matter the path. At the end of the day I just want/need a baby - and it really is a need because it is literally a physical ache to be a mother!!
    It is very difficult. I understand this need. I can honestly say the past just disappears when you hold your baby so keep focusing on the end goal and it will be worth it. As bbhppe said - you child may not even want to meet them. They may not even care especially if they enter a very loving and protective home. But a well adjusted child should be able to draw their own conclusions and may be just intrigued and that's ok too.

    My DH really struggled with the concept of our child wanting to look for his donor and this is why we discussed all options and went with known. But there was a huge possibility our chosen and only known donor may not have been able to provide sperm. We were very lucky it worked out. Had he not been able to provide or said no, we would have gone with unknown. You have to work with what is most comfortable to you and go through the options together. There are pros and cons of all options. Yes we won't have the situation of hunting down a donor or multiple siblings however we have other things to consider relating to being biologically linked.

    Yes we know the medical history and have embryos to create a sibling, but we are all going to have to deal with 'telling' our children no matter what the process was down the track. I like what two souls said about not making it so special the child tells everyone however a well adjusted child should be comfortable and open about themselves and we have to be prepared for that. I know my husband is not yet ready to tell even his best friend. We opted to hold off telling people except my three best friends and my brother and parents, because we wanted to have the world meet our little one first before casting judgement or opinions or even too much empathy for our plight. We needed/ I needed, that support then. However if perhaps I had my time over, I may not have told my best friends until our baby arrived and when they had a chance to meet the bub without casting a possible opinion. But at the time I needed the support and even now, they never mention it. And often they forget!

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  12. #898
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    Thanks ladies so so much for your insights. It's given me great food for thought. I hope no one minds that I asked this question, it's been playing on my mind a fair bit and obviously you all are the only ones who understand. All your comments really did help me get some fresh perspectives, much appreciated

    I'll watch the videos and do some more souls searching lol. I'll tell DH to talk to his brother in private , who knows maybe he will have a big heart..

    Good luck @Barca07 and @twoSouls for your FETs, sending loads of sticky dust your way!!!!

  13. #899
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    Thanks guys!

    Well I'm pupo again! Last time I was feeling really positive everything seemed to work out well, this time not so much. I fear my lining isn't thick enough and the embryo was still 'collapsed' as it hadn't been out the freezer long enough to see how it would go. Anyway we will see how it goes. I'll start testing next Friday

  14. #900
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    @two souls.
    Are yours 5 day embies?

    Mine are 5 day embies... I was thinking of starting testing next Wednesday, 7dp5dt. Is that too early do you think?

    My beta isn't until the 10th.. 2 weeks after transfer! I thought that was a bit late...I thought the 2ww started from ovulation??


 

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