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  1. #791
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    That's good that ur DH cones around quickly. It took us a long time but we eventually got here.

  2. #792
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    its going to be a long journey ahead. im overweight myself so my fs told me i have to lose weight before we try for ivf. im going to be doing the sleeve in feb.to reduce my stomach and i cant try for ivf for.at least 6 months after. And all of my married friends have kids now so its hard to just keep waiting.

  3. #793
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    Default @Jasmin1

    Was the donor sperm anonymous or from a family member?

  4. #794
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    Personal choice. I have known people who go with family members. I use anon donor but open identity. This means the child can contact the donor when he or she turns 18 (if they want).

  5. #795
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    @Jojo85

    It's good you have a backup plan of DS. Right now it's not an option for us at all.

    Your poor DH , mine is exactly the same , he gets very depressed at times. He even told me I should leave him . And I am like you, I have so much of my own pain and heartache that sometimes I just can't be there for him. I feel horrible..

    I recently told my mum and she was insistent that as a wife I have to be stronger for DH because he is probably tearing himself up on the inside. It's hard but I'm doing my best.

    Take it one day at a time, try and laugh a little as it will make you feel better even temporarily. Speak to someone who you know will give you support but also be wary of who you tell..

  6. #796
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    Default @MrsSIG

    My DH also said for me to leave him but the thought breaks my heart. My mum and sister know and my BIL, my sister is more understanding than my mum. I think she is just hurting for me. Sometimes i still have hope that i will get pregnant naturally but i know that cant ever happen. i sometimes look at my dh and just cry, i feel so sad for him because he wanted a big family and he wanted to try for kids earlier than me. i try to support.him as much as i can. We still have to stay positive and be thankful we all have wonderful husbands.

    i wish you luck with your journey. Has your dh had mtese? is he on medication or vitamins?

  7. #797
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    @Jojo85

    We have not yet had mTESE.. This is very new for us as well.
    He is on medications and vitamins so hopefully this increases his chances. I'm hoping removing his varicocele also improves things.

    I read that you are from an Arabic background. I know that DS is not allowed or accepted in such instances.. It's good that you were able to come to accept DS for yourselves though. Hoping it doesn't come to that though..

    I think telling my mum gave me the most support. I am still very upset at my MIL for her comments that we don't have a baby because I am putting my career ahead of family. She now knows it's DH and hasn't yet apologized to me. Ah well. In laws can be a different breed at times I think. My concentration at work has improved since telling my mum, which is good. I was worried that I've become quite slack..

    Oh, I know what you mean about coming from a big family, I am one of 5 siblings and we have such a great dynamic! I wanted that. But now I'll be happy to just have one of my own...
    Last edited by MrsSIG; 08-12-2015 at 09:50.

  8. #798
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    Default @MrsSIG

    My MIL used to give us grief about having kids now the comments have stopped. My BIL said he wanted to tell my MIL but i dont think he has told her yet, or if he has he hasn't told her the complete truth that her son is the one with fertility issues (everyone assumes is the female). Part of me dsnt want her to know, as i dont know how my dh family will feel.about ds, as its not really embraced in our.community.

    If my dh wasnt comfortable with ds then i dont know how i would feel towards him. but he himself says it's the person that raises you that counts, but he could change his mind if we dont find sperm, who knows. im just praying we find.sperm.

    Atm we are both trying to lose weight, especially my dh as it will give him a better chance. plus hes on vitamins etc and goji juice. i hope something works! i just want one child too.

  9. #799
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    Congrats on your baby bbhope, great news! Best of luck to everyone else, it's a hard time for you.
    To answer your question bbhope, my DH was diagnosed with Klinefelters syndrome. We had left his tests till last as I just presumed the issues would be all mine as a female. We were shell-shocked when we found out, so unexpected. He wanted his own child or 2 so it was devastating. As I said he had MTESE and to our amazement the lab found some sperm (not many), so we were soooo disappointed the double embryo transfer didn't take.
    We were then going to use one of his brothers as a donor, and went full down that track, samples, blood tests, money paid, counselling, and got to the very last counselling session in the 11th hour where we had a difference of opinion with his wife who wouldn't compromise. Our Dr said she's seen issues come up a few times with the spouse of a known donor at the last minute. Long story short, it made the situation almost untenable and we did a 180' turn and have now used de-identified donor sperm. The situation was very disappointing as I had only got my head around using his brother and then had to completely change course. I think it will actually now be better as there are no ties or complications with his brother or sister-in-law. The child will be able to have contact with the donor later in life if they choose. Fingers crossed everything goes OK, I have a 9 wk scan tomorrow!

    It is still a bit of a taboo in society, better than it was, but that's why I'm not telling too many people, and as I said already regret telling 1 or 2. I don't want to be judged or gossiped about by insensitive people that have never walked in the shoes of someone with major infertility issues. Must be even harder in Arabic culture. Despite now being pregnant with donor sperm, it was obviously still not my 1st choice, and I am still getting my head around it. But it was the only option available and adoption is too hard in this country. So we are making the best of a difficult situation and my DH has now accepted his medical condition as best can be as is really keen on having a child, by whichever means there is. I'm sure he will be a great dad! The clinic did kindly put us in contact with another couple that used de-identified sperm and we asked them lots of questions and it helped put us at ease with using donor sperm. Our donor counsellor has also been a great support at the clinic.
    Last edited by Jasmin1; 08-12-2015 at 12:53.

  10. #800
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    @Jasmin1: phone typing here. Same as you. Lab found sperms. It was more devastating when our only promising embryo took but ended in a chemical pregnancy. It took me a very long time to grief and I suffered from depression. We gave our less promising embryo a shot many months later. By then, DH came to term and we signed up the donor list in a WA. That one also ended in chemical pregnancy although it wasn't promising to start with. It was only then I came to term with it (sort of) and moved onto the donor list in nsw. Geez. It brings tears to my eyes by saying all these. It is still heart breaking. I came across an excellent donor counsellor in WA and had a great support. Few of my local friends knew about us doing IVF but they can't really relate the pain of going through it with the donor. I respect DH wish of not letting any of our mutual friends know. Not that I wish people to know due to culture taboo.

    As for pregnancy, it is completely normal to feel sad about it. I had been there. Not that I don't love our baby but it is a lost I would never forget. I certainly did feel great about it from time to time. DH also went through a bit down time just before our baby arrived.

    Good luck to those who r still trying. If u read the thread back, my DH also struggles with donor but came to term in the end once there is no other option. I make it clear that I want to have a family with him. Also, once you gone to term with donor, there is no guarantee ti have a baby. A lot of us here struggle with that too.


 

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