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  1. #491
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    Barca.... that's fabulous news. I've always been quite worried about how my DH feels, as he's never one to show much emotion. About a month ago (while 6 months pregnant), he mentioned about him being the surrogate father. I said, "what? you're not the surrogate father" and then I had to explain the whole process and all the terms to him. I think, because I go to 99% of appointments myself, and I do so much reading on the internet and here on Bubhub, that maybe I thought he knew all this when he didn't. Since then he's got his hand on my belly whenever he gets the chance, and absolutely loves it when he catches her kicking. It's kind of the only contact he really has with her, which at times I feel a bit sad about, but I keep going.

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MGC Bertie For This Useful Post:

    Barca07  (19-06-2015),DeterminedOne  (19-06-2015)

  3. #492
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    Quote Originally Posted by bbhope View Post
    @deteminedone: hugs. It is a closure. I assume the decision of using the donor as a back up is to move forward straight away (we didn't at the time). I know it isn't the way we all wanted but am sure that no matter what this baby will be loved. One step at a time. Now u just have to keep hoping these embies make through to day 5. This is hope.
    Your right Bbhope it's a new kind of hope now. We've also talked about holding off transfer we will be making our decision over the coming days I guess we where still holding on to hope and where sure we wouldn't need it. One step/ day at a time 💞 thank you for all your lovely support💞

  4. #493
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malak View Post
    @DererminedOne this makes me so sad. I was hoping so much for good news since our DH's have the same.

    It does make me wonder if spending $10k+ is worth it just to get closure and no baby.....
    Malak I really wished i had good news. I've never seen DP cry before it wasn't much but he did he told me he was sorry and thank you for not leaving him OMG that broke my heart I balled my eyes out for over and hour. A little while later I read the donor profile again last night I am still happy with our choice from what we had at the time. I understand what your saying that's why we had to do this last step. We needed closure and we would have always questioned ourselves for life "what if" DH still hasn't come around to using DS? Adoption maybe? Hugs to you malak 💞

  5. #494
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    Default Azoospermia #2

    Quote Originally Posted by Barca07 View Post
    @DeterminedOne. Sorry to hear! I was you 2 months ago... It does get easier, I promise! I hope you find comfort in having some closure, knowing that you have tried absolutely everything.

    We got our BFP with donor sperm on Monday. I was worried about how DH would take it, but I think he is more excited than I am! He is always touching my belly and talking about it.
    Thanks Barca07 we certainly have closure, after 3 years of hope. It does give us exactly that knowing we tried everything!

    Congratulation on your BFP 🎉🎉🎉 wonderful news! Was that your first cycle and try?

    We had my DP sister with us the last couple of days she has a 9 week old he was so good with her OMG it broke my heart, when I looked at him hold and feeding a lil one. I had a massive break down Sunday night, I carried her from the car she fell asleep in my arms while I walk to the room when I got in the room DP came up to me an asked if I was ok and said we will have one one day well that just sent me over the edge....blubbering mess! Anyway I got over it and enjoyed feeding and putting her to sleep while she was here 💕💕💕
    Last edited by DeterminedOne; 19-06-2015 at 19:57.

  6. #495
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    @Malak: it is not the end. There is still a chance to have a baby. It depends how you look at it. I think once the surgery is done and is clear to us that there is other way to have DH bio child, we have to come to peace with it some how. It was us a year ago, thinking $20k for a closure and not have a baby. Money isn't the big part of the equation because it is more of the emotional part. But I think it worth it in a way that we can finally move on. given the heartache of getting this far of being pregnant and yet worried about carry to term. I am sure that Bertie can relate this. To me, there is no regret of using DS because our ultimate goal is to have a family and get to be parents. Sure, I am still sad from time to time but we make this choice together. There is nothing wrong for adoption. In fact, we thought about it if it turns out me having the problem as well.

    DH was not so attach to the bub just yet because he can't feel the bub kicking. But he was worried as much as me when I had the spotting early on. He went to every single Ob appt with me and every shopping trip (he hates shopping!). We will raise this child not any different than our bio child (other than the telling the donor part).
    @DeterminedOne: yes, only does it if you are 100% sure. It has been a long journey so the desire of being a parent is stronger than the genetic side of thing. We are more concerned about the baby wellbeing than anything else at this point. Xx

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  8. #496
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    Quote Originally Posted by DeterminedOne View Post
    Malak I really wished i had good news. I've never seen DP cry before it wasn't much but he did he told me he was sorry and thank you for not leaving him OMG that broke my heart I balled my eyes out for over and hour. A little while later I read the donor profile again last night I am still happy with our choice from what we had at the time. I understand what your saying that's why we had to do this last step. We needed closure and we would have always questioned ourselves for life "what if" DH still hasn't come around to using DS? Adoption maybe? Hugs to you malak 💞
    Makes me feel like crying just readinc this I feel your pain so much.

    DH won't use DS and I don't think he will ever change his mind. For adoption that is something he would do but I don't want to do.

    I do have an appointment with the FS on Monday for tests. It is kinda like if I have no eggs etc then no use doing the mTESE.

  9. #497
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    To add, I was holding hope when we did the mtese (mainly because of my DH condition is a better case) but also being very realistic of knowing the chance is extremely slim.

  10. #498
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    @Malak: I totally get the part that DH doesn't want to use DS. Perhaps just like my DH who had misconception about it all. While it isn't there yet, when it comes to time, perhaps a counselling session for both you about the process would help. I think it is extremely important to get a good counsellor. If he still doesn't think it is for him, then you guys have to work out an agreement. It isn't a day or two decision. It took yrs for many of us to make this choice.

    Hope u get lucky. As a woman, I always like to have plan B. Xx

  11. #499
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    I know... It It is really hard when you are surrounded by babies! I am constantly surrounded by nieces, nephews, friends babies.

    Take the time you need...you can always freeze all embryos until you feel ready.
    @Malak. My DH has been really good about Donor sperm from the beginning, so much to the point that it upset me. When I asked him how he can be so OK with not having any biological kids, he simply said 'I believe in nurture over nature'. He is a school teacher and deals with kids/families all day. He has come to the conclusion that it is how the kid is raised that makes the difference.

    I know everyone has different views re. Nature V Nurture, but after DH explained the Nurture side it really helped me come to terms with using DS maybe look into it...

  12. #500
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    Yes @Barca07, my DH is so much better in being positive. He said the same thing about nurture vs nature. Besides, there is no guaranteed what the bub would turn out in any case. Just look at my siblings, same genetic materials and none of us are alike personality wise. Sometime I do wonder if i am adopted. LOL. Same as DH sibling.

    You need to take good care of yourself and DH, @DeterminedOne. One step at a time.......

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