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  1. #41
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    She smacked her child, so not an assault according to the law. I dont personally think it is effective way to teach your kids. But it legal at moment and just because you don't agree with it, it doesn't mean the mother isn't ok, needs your help or needs you to call the police.
    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    OP all I would have said to the mum was something like "rough day hey?" When she got back. If the conversation then opened to the topic of smacking (unlikely) I may have had a little crack like "smacking gives me the heebie jeebies."

    If there were any indications she crossed "the line" (hit face, excessive force etc) I definitely would have said something like "hey! Time to cool down, let me take your DS for a few minutes while you go get a cuppa."
    She would probably refuse in which case I would have responded "make sure you look after yourself and get a break at home then, because that can't happen again."

    Depending on the severity, I would potentially call child protection/cops (would have to be pretty severe).

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  3. #42
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    Vicpark - what if it were you using Tizzie H methods on your child @ playgroup, for example, leaving your child to protest cry for 5 mins, and a mum told you that what you were doing was wrong or gave her the 'heebie jeebies'? Not that i disagree at all with TH, just that i disagree with telling other parents how to raise their children. What gives someone the right to criticise and judge another mothers discipline? What makes you right and her way wrong?

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  5. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by beebs View Post
    She smacked her child, so not an assault according to the law. I dont personally think it is effective way to teach your kids. But it legal at moment and just because you don't agree with it, it doesn't mean the mother isn't ok, needs your help or needs you to call the police.
    Did you not read my response where I said my actions would vary depending on the severity of the hitting?

    My calling the police would only be for the most severe cases (yes as determined by me at the time). And yes there are many cases where a parent hitting their child with vigour indicates a deeper problem within that family (stress, depression, drug abuse whatever). And yes police involvement is needed to ensure the safety if the child and that the mother gets the help she needs.

    I think we must have been on different wavelengths as I really don't think you would advocate turning a blind to child abuse?

  6. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I'll judge it. The mum is wrong. She has issues within herself that she needs to address. If hitting her child is the only way she feels she can deal with the inappropriate behavior then she needs help.
    I would like to know what makes you qualified to make that sort of judgement about a total stranger. I think this attitude is why so many mums give up on any form of discipline in public, because no matter what you do there is always going to be someone out there who doesn't agree with it and will judge you for it.

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  8. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheeeeesecake View Post
    Vicpark - what if it were you using Tizzie H methods on your child @ playgroup, for example, leaving your child to protest cry for 5 mins, and a mum told you that what you were doing was wrong or gave her the 'heebie jeebies'? Not that i disagree at all with TH, just that i disagree with telling other parents how to raise their children. What gives someone the right to criticise and judge another mothers discipline? What makes you right and her way wrong?
    It depends on the degree to which the other mother opens up the conversation. Also - When you resort to physical violence to discipline your child to some extent the social niceties gloves come off.

    Did you read the part of my post where I said I wouldn't say anything negative unless the mother led the conversation down that path?

    Let me be more specific incase there is any remaining confusion.

    Me: "rough day hey?"
    Other mum: "yes, DS is being a turkey."
    Me: "yup.. I know what that feels like!"
    Other mum: "sometimes DS just needs a good smack."
    Me: ".. You sure? Could there be other factors at play such as diet etc?. "
    Other mum: "nah he just needs a good kick up the bum"
    Me: "I'm not a fan of smacking it gives me the heebie jeebies."

  9. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by peanuthead View Post
    I would like to know what makes you qualified to make that sort of judgement about a total stranger. I think this attitude is why so many mums give up on any form of discipline in public, because no matter what you do there is always going to be someone out there who doesn't agree with it and will judge you for it.
    Because I have eyes and a brain. Its easy to tell when a mum has lost control - if a mum is hitting her child with steam coming out of her ears then she needs help.

  10. #47
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    Of course I don't advocate abuse! I just think you are being a bit harsh. I get that you are anti smacking, but it is legal so I don't think you have a right to say anything to a mother who smacks. Let me be clear, I don't advocate abuse and I don't smack. I seem to recall quite a few members on BH having a go at your patenting choices once, and I didn't think that was right either. (QUOTE=VicPark;8097444]Did you not read my response where I said my actions would vary depending on the severity of the hitting?

    My calling the police would only be for the most severe cases (yes as determined by me at the time). And yes there are many cases where a parent hitting their child with vigour indicates a deeper problem within that family (stress, depression, drug abuse whatever). And yes police involvement is needed to ensure the safety if the child and that the mother gets the help she needs.

    I think we must have been on different wavelengths as I really don't think you would advocate turning a blind to child abuse?[/QUOTE]

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  12. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Because I have eyes and a brain. Its easy to tell when a mum has lost control - if a mum is hitting her child with steam coming out of her ears then she needs help.
    But that's not what the op described, no steam or anything. Just that she took her child away to discipline him. I have eyes and a brain too, I can see when my child is not responding to other discipline tactics and a smack on the bum might be needed (as determined by me, the child's mother, the one who also has eyes and a brain). Giving my child a smack doesn't mean I've lost control, nor does it mean I need help.
    Agreed if it's coming from a place of anger than your walking a fine line, but not every mother who smacks is in that category.

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  14. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Because I have eyes and a brain. Its easy to tell when a mum has lost control - if a mum is hitting her child with steam coming out of her ears then she needs help.
    I think all of us would step in if that were the case but from the OP's post that doesn't appear to be what happened.

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  16. #50
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    I have seen mothers smack when they lose the plot and snap. Same as with yelling. Thats probably not optimal, and they probably know it.

    I have a friend who smacks as her preferred discipline method. She is one of the kindest, gentlest, most loving mothers i know. She never yells or snaps, or smacks in anger. She is very calm and consistent. She will calmly & quietly say to her child something like 'if you ... again, you will have a smack'. If the child continues the behaviour, she takes them to another room and smacks them, with a small tap on the bottom. Her kids are seriously the most well behaved children i have ever met. I highly respect her as a parent, she is very calm and loving with her children, and believe it or not, is a veru 'gentle' parent - yes, even though she smacks.

    So often i see on BH that smacking is the parent losing it, hitting in anger, or having a rough day. Maybe the parent has seriously considered the decision to smack, and they truly believe it is the best method for their family. It can be done in a calm and consistent manner. Just because i choose not to smack, doesnt mean i think i am a better parent or use better methods than someone who does - just that i do what is right for me & my family.

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