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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fi Poledancer View Post
    Does the my uterus, my rules go the other way? I want to find out, DH initially didn't but now does so we're all good but I'm curious if you'd still say that if it was the other way..
    Do you mean if the mum wants to know? Yep I still say that the final decision is up to the one who owns the uterus.
    With most pregnancy things I think both parents should have equal say but with finding out the gender it's hard to compromise- you either find out or you don't. Someone has to pull rank and it should be mum IMO. X

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    VicPark  (14-02-2015)

  3. #22
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    So we made progress last night. After our little tiff I went off to our room to read my book and sulk a bit. Shortly after he came in, and after a bit of back and forth he told me that if it meant that much to me he wouldn't find out and we would get a surprise. It felt a bit half hearted, but I'll take it.

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  5. #23
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    I'm going to go against the grain and say I kind of see both sides. As someone that always desperately wants to know the sex I would be annoyed if DH said he didn't want to know, therefore I couldn't.

    Why not ask the sonographer to write the sex on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope you provide. Your DH has to be sworn to secrecy but he can take it home and read it when you aren't around. I think if a decision directly effects your body then you have a right to pull rank i.e. you want an epidural, your DH doesn't want you to have one. But finding out the sex isn't really connected to bodily autonomy.

  6. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I'm going to go against the grain and say I kind of see both sides. As someone that always desperately wants to know the sex I would be annoyed if DH said he didn't want to know, therefore I couldn't.

    Why not ask the sonographer to write the sex on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope you provide. Your DH has to be sworn to secrecy but he can take it home and read it when you aren't around. I think if a decision directly effects your body then you have a right to pull rank i.e. you want an epidural, your DH doesn't want you to have one. But finding out the sex isn't really connected to bodily autonomy.
    I agree, which is why I was in two minds about how to deal with it. The fact that he couldn't actually tell me why he wanted to know (like if he told me it would help him bond, so he could get prepared for whichever sex, anything) and that if he found out he would likely slip up over the next 20 weeks is what bothers me. I feel like I'm more passionate about not finding out than he is about finding out, kinda like he just wanted to find out because it's the "done" thing lately.

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    Quote Originally Posted by peanuthead View Post
    I agree, which is why I was in two minds about how to deal with it. The fact that he couldn't actually tell me why he wanted to know (like if he told me it would help him bond, so he could get prepared for whichever sex, anything) and that if he found out he would likely slip up over the next 20 weeks is what bothers me. I feel like I'm more passionate about not finding out than he is about finding out, kinda like he just wanted to find out because it's the "done" thing lately.
    Maybe ask him to think about why he wants to know so bad then have him come back to you. IME men don't tend to deeply evaluate why they feel a certain way like we do. I'm sure he does have valid reasons why, he's just not as good at verbalising it.

    I don't envy you I'm feeling so lucky right now that DH and I wanted to know with all 3.

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    Butterfly39  (14-02-2015)

  9. #26
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    When DH and I first started talking about trying, we discussed finding out the sex or not. I was, and am, adamant that I wanted to know. He did not.

    I told him that I was finding out, and he didn't have to. That because he already has two kids, he made that choice already (they didn't find out beforehand for either). He agreed.

    So I will be finding out, he will decide whether he wants to know or not later.

  10. #27
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    I didn't have time to read all the other replies sorry, but we had a similar situation. My husband decided at about 10 weeks that he wanted to find out. I said that I was the one going through the pregnancy so I got to decide (although I think it'd be different if I had have wanted to know and he didn't - I would have felt a bit mean.)

    We didn't find out and it was the best moment at the birth. My husband loved it and it was such a good surprise that he doesn't want to find out this time.

    ETA: I just read your update and I'm glad you're starting to come to an agreement and that he's coming around on the idea!

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    peanuthead  (14-02-2015)


 

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