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  1. #1
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    Default Two kids and separated

    I've been with my husband13 years
    We've had our ups and downs more downs than ups but I never gave up hope for us till now... He moved out 4 months ago after admitting he had been a drug addict for 7 years! 7 years..... I had no idea 😢 not a clue!! We have two beautiful children 1year old& 7 year old....
    I feel so betrayed, so lied to, so deceived and I feel like a fool!
    Beyond most... I feel hurt but also understand now the reasons for the anger and abuse I've had to deal with the past 7 years... It all makes such sense now sadly!
    So I kicked him out the house 4 months ago and for the first 3 months he continued to use drugs, stalk me, harass me endlessly to the point I had to get a safety order through the courts against him as I no longer felt safe for myself or my children
    He has breached the order begging crying at the front door or in the back yard at all hours of the morning... He has been punished by the court for the breaches of the order and conditions of staying out of jail are had to stay drug free and have drug screens five every two days, had to attend anger management and parenting classes.
    I guess why I'm on here is to ask have I done the right thing by not supporting him? By not getting back together with him? ;( I do love him but I've lost all trust for him n I am beyond hurt my heart is broken entirely every piece in tiny pieces laying on the floor next to where he smashed up my kitchen before he left..
    I no he's changed since bring off the drugs I can see it he's calmer he's more rational caring etc.. But I can't help but think it's too late ...sorry!!!
    He's never been a father yo either of our children at all.. Never been s husband as he was never home.. All he did was provide a stable income that's it! Literally all he ever contributed up the family n home
    I feel lost I feel like I should give him another chance even though my head says no no no don't go it again you've been through this before
    I really don't no what to do my house is on the market up for sale now which breaks my heart but I can't afford the mortgage on my own

  2. #2
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    Reading this made my heart break for you. I don't really have any advice as I've never been in your shoes. All I will say is Trust your gut, do what you know deep down is right for you & he kids.

    Sending you hugs and clarity xx

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  4. #3
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    You have to do whats right for you and your kids, you're the only person who knows the answer.
    Be gentle with yourself..
    You're an extremely strong person to be dealing with all that! I wish you all the luck, love and happiness in the world.

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    You are absolutely doing the right thing. In a way, you are in fact supporting him by forcing him to get some help with his drug problem. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is to push them away. But above all, you are doing the best thing for your kids and for yourself. He comes a distant 3rd place in your priority list right now.

    I hope you have some strong family and/or friends support around you.

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    You are doing the right thing. This might sound a bit daft but watch some episodes of Dr Phil about addiction. If you let him back in the house you will be enabling him. If there is any chance of reconciliation then he has to prove his sobriety and regain your trust. That will take time and only if it's what YOU want and on your terms. If you let him back in the house (and forgive me if this sounds harsh) then you are doing it for your own benefit (your guilt) and not for his benefit.

    Take care of yourself.
    x

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  8. #6
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    I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I can't comment on the whole addiction side of things, but I've just left my husband after discovering his double life which had been going on for more than 10 years. He was having multiple affairs and unprotected sex, putting me and our unborn child at risk. The betrayal of the whole double life that the person you love and think you know is staggering and heartbreaking.
    I think you are right not to give him a second chance...he has lied to you, but more importantly doesn't sound like he has been there for you and your children. Also, do you want your kids potentially exposed to the nastier side of his addiction?
    You sound amazingly strong and brave...keep being strong and don't let him guilt you into anything.
    Massive hugs

  9. #7
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    Thank you all! Today I have been proven my choice was the right one as he has been and visited my uncle who lives over 2 hours away and doing the usual crying thing to him but he slipped up just a little and told my uncle he has been clean for 3 weeks when he had been telling me he had been clean since Xmas!! That has just proven to me what a liar he is and upset me even more that I once again fell for his lies and believed him and let him see the kids only last week believing he had been clean for so long
    I also spoke to child services today who advised me he has been uncontactable and not attended his appts with them I really had faith in him that he would finally become a father to my babies and sadly I was again fooled 😢 I keep saying to people 'oh he's a good man' 'he just got caught up in the wrong thing' but now I feel sick even thinking that cos in beginning to think he isn't a good person at all
    I conceived two beautiful children to this man who was high while conceiving and that angers me the most out of everything! I left him alone with the children not knowing he was a drug addict, I trusted him! How foolish I was!
    I went out the other weekend with friends and met a really lovely man my friends gave him my number but I will not engage in any conversation with him because I feel guilty! But what do I feel guilty about! My husband didn't feel guilty about lying to me, talking inappropriately to other women via text message and God knows what else I don't no about
    We go back to court in 4 days and I was going to remove the safety order and let him spend time with us but after finding out he saw my uncle and that he's been lying to me about how long he has been drug free I am no longer willing to do this and will be placing the full order on him! Stay away until you sort yourself out! Is just the way it has to be and in a way I hope he doesn't as i selfishly just want him out my life forever after reunioning our life and destroying our world and home

  10. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silver flute View Post
    I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I can't comment on the whole addiction side of things, but I've just left my husband after discovering his double life which had been going on for more than 10 years. He was having multiple affairs and unprotected sex, putting me and our unborn child at risk. The betrayal of the whole double life that the person you love and think you know is staggering and heartbreaking.
    I think you are right not to give him a second chance...he has lied to you, but more importantly doesn't sound like he has been there for you and your children. Also, do you want your kids potentially exposed to the nastier side of his addiction?
    You sound amazingly strong and brave...keep being strong and don't let him guilt you into anything.
    Massive hugs
    I am so sorry to hear your husband has been living a double life that's how I felt when I found out about my husbands addiction ;( I felt and feel like the past 7 years of my relationship has been a total lie
    And your right I do not and will not allow my children to be exposed to any sort of drug behavior it makes me feel terribly sick to think I did allow it although I was completely unaware at the time
    I hope that you are doing ok and have good support around you at this horrible time xxx

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  12. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Busy-Bee View Post
    You are doing the right thing. This might sound a bit daft but watch some episodes of Dr Phil about addiction. If you let him back in the house you will be enabling him. If there is any chance of reconciliation then he has to prove his sobriety and regain your trust. That will take time and only if it's what YOU want and on your terms. If you let him back in the house (and forgive me if this sounds harsh) then you are doing it for your own benefit (your guilt) and not for his benefit.

    Take care of yourself.
    x
    Thank you
    I actually have watched slot of YouTube and documentaries on ice addiction and recovery etc I find them very helpful
    And you are 100% right if I were to let him back home I would have only been doing it because I felt so sorry for him and guilty as he used to tell me the reason he was living in his trucks and eating out of bins was because I kicked him out and left him homeless when Infact he had plenty of money when I kicked him out over $30000 in fact but HE CHOOSE to spend that on drugs an gambling not ME

  13. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cue View Post
    You are absolutely doing the right thing. In a way, you are in fact supporting him by forcing him to get some help with his drug problem. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is to push them away. But above all, you are doing the best thing for your kids and for yourself. He comes a distant 3rd place in your priority list right now.

    I hope you have some strong family and/or friends support around you.
    Thanks so much I truly believed from the start by giving him tough love it would push him to get help but unfortunately for me and him it enabled him to have freedom and he made bad choices to use drugs eve more but that's not my fault
    And I do have great friends and family support I would never have got through it without them


 

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