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  1. #1
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    Default unplanned pregnancy- i dont know what to do!

    I just started seeing this guy and we agreed from the start that I would terminate the pregnancy if I ever got pregnant. I just never thought I would get pregnant. I was on the pill and took it religiously! I just found out that I'm pregnant and he wont discuss anything but an abortion. I am having second thoughts about it though, I don't think I can go through with it but he doesn't want kids now. He's in the navy and lives in another state. I don't know what to do. I respect his feelings and understand why he doesn't want to keep the baby, I just think I will regret it if I go through with it! I'm so confused!

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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    there is some many things to consider right now. your age? his age? the level of commitment to this relationship? financial situation? do you have family support, or some other support with out him. ? can you move to be in the same state as him? do you have your own accommodation? im not expecting you to answer these questions here ,,but for you to think about all of these things before you make a decision. hugs, marie.

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  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by violet123 View Post
    I just started seeing this guy and we agreed from the start that I would terminate the pregnancy if I ever got pregnant. I just never thought I would get pregnant. I was on the pill and took it religiously! I just found out that I'm pregnant and he wont discuss anything but an abortion. I am having second thoughts about it though, I don't think I can go through with it but he doesn't want kids now. He's in the navy and lives in another state. I don't know what to do. I respect his feelings and understand why he doesn't want to keep the baby, I just think I will regret it if I go through with it! I'm so confused!
    There are a few things here, I hope it helps:

    1) I don't know about all the states, but in NSW (not sure where you are) there is the Family Planning organisation (there are others too), there are many trained counsellors around to help and support you with your decision process.

    2) you are both adults and short of hysterectomy etc contraception is not 100% so there is always the risk of unplanned pregnancy. He may not want children now, but this has happened and it may be that he has to accept, whether he chooses to be a part of the child's life or not.

    3) it is your body, you cannot be forced to have a termination, but you also have the right to if you decide.

    4) you need to think carefully about reasons to terminate or to continue with the pregnancy (sounds silly I know). But I have worked in a family planning clinic and it is normal to experience all of the feelings you are experiencing. And hormones play a big part in that too.

    5) the most important thing is that you don't allow yourself to be bullied into either decision. And if you choose to continue with the pregnancy, or to terminate there are many many services available to support you.

    I hope some of his has helped, I have been in a similar situation and it is very very hard.

    Feel free to pm if you need

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    I'm sorry you've been faced with this tough decision.

    The good news for you and your baby, is that nobody can force you to abort if you don't want to. So whilst taking his feelings into consideration is important, the decision is ultimately yours. If you feel you can't live with the decision to terminate, then don't do it.

    Have you told any friends or family about it? Knowing you've got support could be the ultimate decision maker for you. It would be very tough doing it on your own. Not to say that you couldn't, it absolutely can and has been done by many women, but support definitely makes life more bearable for everybody.

    Good luck with your decision. I believe you can make it work if that's the decision you choose to make xox

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  8. #5
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    I really feel for you. I was in a very similar situation about two years ago. It was a very casual relationship and the father was so determined that I abort because it would mess up his life (he was married, yes judge if you must).

    In the end I felt I had no choice but to abort, even though it was against how I felt I should have managed the situation (I had a permanent job, house, savings etc). I've regretted it ever since - not the abortion, but that I didn't let myself have a choice. I let someone else make it for me and I let myself get bullied into taking the option that they wanted.

    If I can offer any suggestions, it's in line with the above posters. Find a friend you can confide in. If you don't have anyone you feel comfortable at this stage sharing your secret with, contact a counselor. You need to talk this through with someone, someone who can ask you questions you're not asking yourself.

    I send you so many hugs and I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you. All the very, very best.

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    Amgine  (04-02-2015)


 

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