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  1. #1
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    Default Bringing toddler into labour at hospital?

    Hi all, I'm in the very early stages of pregnancy #2 and our parents and in laws live overseas. I don't plan on asking my parents to fly over for the birth of our second child because they're old and it's quite troublesome for them. Since we don't have family support here, I'd like to ask if anyone has tried having a toddler with them during childbirth? We have some great friends and neighbours around but I'm not sure if they're willing to be called in middle of the night. Also, I haven't spent a night away from DD1 since she was born and she probably wouldn't like the idea of being with someone else. DH would be with me throughout the whole time but considering his attention is going to be split between me and looking after DD1 at the hospital, I might not have him all the time for support during labour if DD1 needs to be taken out of the room for any reason. Any advice on how we could go about this? DD1 will be 27 months old when bub is due.

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    Default Bringing toddler into labour at hospital?

    I'm in the same situation. No family and DS will be 26 mo when baby is due.

    If labor starts in the middle of the night, we will call some friends in and they can sleep at ours.

    No way am I waking up DS to go to the hospital with us.
    Hopefully by the time he wakes up, I'd have birth #2 and DH can be home to look after DS.

    If it's during the day, DS is at childcare anyway.

    If it's a week end, I'm unsure what we'll do... I might go to the hospital by myself.

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    I'm in the same situation. It's so hard isn't it 😁. My first labour wasn't fantastic...I didn't cope very well with the pain and got really frightened etc. If that was to happen again, I personally (and this only applies to me) wouldn't feel very comfortable having DD in the room to witness that. (Besides, she'd run round the room having an awesome time pulling out wall oxygen, emergency equipment etc. I guarantee, 20 mins and the whole place would be trashed!). How did you cope in labour last time? Are you a "I need dH supporting me every step if the way" or are you someone who internalises the process a lot? I think you have the right to prioritise for yourself when you are in the process of giving birth...it just depends what you are most comfy with.

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    It's preferable not to have small children in the birthing suites - in fact some places have a policy against it. I would try and find someone who can care for your DD if you want your DH there with you. If you're not sure about how your DD would go with someone else, perhaps your DH can stay with her and you have an alternative support person with you.

    While I don't want to scare you, what would happen if you needed an emergency caesarean? The hospital staff won't be able to look after your DD which would mean that your DH would stay with her and you would have to go into theatre alone. And if you had a post partum haemorrhage, all the blood might scare your DD. Same if there was any other kind of emergency and there was 10+ people rushing into the room to work on you or baby. It can be a frightening place for a small child. Even the noises and behaviours you exhibit while in labour might be enough to scare your DD.

    If you're worried about waking someone up in the middle of the night you could also entertain the thought of an induction. While not ideal, at least you would have a set day and time where you could organise a babysitter. It might normalize things a bit more for your DD if you're able to do the bedtime routine (or part of it) before coming in to hospital (our ladies come in at 8pm). That way your DD would also not be as freaked out when she woke up in the morning to someone other than Mum or Dad.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ExcuseMyFrench View Post
    If it's during the day, DS is at childcare anyway.

    If it's a week end, I'm unsure what we'll do... I might go to the hospital by myself.
    DD doesn't go to child care since I'm a SAHM, although going into labour during the day is better since we could leave her with some friends or have a friend come to the hospital with us. Are you planning to drive to the hospital on your own?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Silver flute View Post
    I'm in the same situation. It's so hard isn't it ������. My first labour wasn't fantastic...I didn't cope very well with the pain and got really frightened etc. If that was to happen again, I personally (and this only applies to me) wouldn't feel very comfortable having DD in the room to witness that. (Besides, she'd run round the room having an awesome time pulling out wall oxygen, emergency equipment etc. I guarantee, 20 mins and the whole place would be trashed!). How did you cope in labour last time? Are you a "I need dH supporting me every step if the way" or are you someone who internalises the process a lot? I think you have the right to prioritise for yourself when you are in the process of giving birth...it just depends what you are most comfy with.
    I had a very traumatic first experience to be honest, things didn't go according to plan and I was in pain beyond 24 hours and by then I was so exhausted I thought I couldn't go on. I wouldn't know what I'd do without DH but I know if we left DD with a friend at home I'd probably be worrying how she was doing from time to time. If this second time around was easier and much faster I'd probably be able to deal with the pain on my own but all I want is for DH to be there to witness the moment of birth without getting distracted by DD.

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    Quote Originally Posted by faithlove View Post
    DD doesn't go to child care since I'm a SAHM, although going into labour during the day is better since we could leave her with some friends or have a friend come to the hospital with us. Are you planning to drive to the hospital on your own?
    I'd call a cab or an ambulance. The hospital is only a short drive away.

    You'll be amazed at how much friends want to help with this kind of situation. Most feel honored to be called in the middle of the night and be the first to know. I'm serious!
    We have had 3 people offering to help so far and we didn't ask.
    I think we'll get more set plans once I am 37 weeks.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ExcuseMyFrench View Post

    You'll be amazed at how much friends want to help with this kind of situation. Most feel honored to be called in the middle of the night and be the first to know. I'm serious!
    We have had 3 people offering to help so far and we didn't ask.
    I think we'll get more set plans once I am 37 weeks.
    ^^^agreed! One of my mummy friends mentioned how she was a bit nervous that she was going to have to labour alone as her DH would have to stay home with their 2yo dd as her inlaws were interstate and her own family were all in Germany. Because I'm lucky enough to have heaps of family close by, it hadn't even occurred to me! So I very happily offered to look after her dd at what ever time or day she needed it. As time got closer, there was talk about being induced if she hadn't gone into labour by such'n'such date so that did make things a little easier but if she went before, I was happy to do the midnight dash to her house and sleep in her spare bed then bring her dd to my house in the morning to hang out with me and my dd (they were good buddies so we knew it would be less scary for her). She did end up going in for an induction so it was a pretty relaxed drop off at our place where I had dinner ready and our DD's had dinner together and her parents left towards the end of that. I told her parents to put their phone on silent so I wouldn't disturb them and I just sent several photos throughout the evening of the girls drawing, playing play-dough, playing princess dress-ups, riding around on my DD's little indoor trikes, having a bubble bath together, me reading to them both (one of the stories and pics I sent was if Peppa Pigs friend , Zoe Zebra getting two new baby twin sisters ) and then lastly a few of her dd sleeping. The girls fell asleep together then we left her in our DD's cot with the baby video monitor on and dd slept with us that night. The following day I kept sending regular pics of the girls eating breaky, playing on the outdoor swing and slide, having a day nap together ect ect...... I think you can gauge and feel a lot more at ease if you can see actual pics of your child and know for sure that they are doing just fine My friends husband came and picked up their dd just as she was eating dinner the following night so he showed us some first pics (yay) and excitedly told us how it all went while she finished her dinner, then he took her to the hospital to meet her brand new baby sister My dd had a blast having one of her besties to play with for a whole night and day......and I got good practice seeing what it might be like having two kiddies! It was actually easier as they entertained each other the whole time and my biggest lesson learnt was that what you give to one, the other one ***HAS*** to have the same of....then everyone is happy My friends said they really appreciated all of the pics so at anytime they wondered how their dd was, there was a heap of pics showing everything she was/had been up to. I would offer to do it again for any of my friends in an instant The husband called once the following morning just to check in and tell us it looked liked she was going to need an emergency c-section as bub had turned an awkward angle and her heart rate kept dropping way too low so I'm so glad she wasn't on her own!

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    Yes I agree with PP's, I would choose a good friend (or two) and ask them to have DD when you go into labour. If your friends are anything like mine I'm sure they would be more than willing to help out, even if it is midnight, you're giving birth after all!! To help put your mind at ease over this too, I would start sending DD to have play dates at said friends house now so she can get used to being there & I would also suggest even giving her a sleep over too. It's healthy for kids to have some time away from mum/dad & it might also give your DD some independence & separation acceptance so the shock of sharing her mum with a new baby might not be such a struggle. 😊
    Good luck!

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  14. #10
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    Thank you very much ladies, you've given me a lot of options to think about Being a mum the second time around is starting to feel intimidating already, I hope things will fall into place eventually.


 

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