I don't even know where to begin.
In the last 10 years my life has just gone to sh*t and I don't even know what to do anymore. The ONLY thing keeping me going is my daughter.
I'm 27yo, and live at home with my mum, my two brothers and my brothers girlfriend. My family is great most of the time but I cop a lot of **** and judgement too.
I have Graves' disease, PCOS, am now being tested for Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus and more general autoimmune stuff after blood tests show low circulating iron and inflammation and have done for 6 months.
I don't work, a) because there is absolutely nothing I want to do, and b) because of my anxiety and health conditions. I can't deal with worrying about having to take sick days constantly and being sh*t at what I do because I'm so exhausted all the time. I don't study because there is NOTHING I want to study. I can't focus on anything I have no interest in. I've tried, I've enrolled and unenrolled in SO MANY things and just quit because I hate it all.
I am on my own all the time, I have one friend and I don't go anywhere or do anything. I hate dating sites, I HATE them. I'm never going to meet anyone, there is literally no way for me to.
I've gone through SO MUCH in the last couple of years, and none of it I've dealt with because immediately something else sh*tty happens and I have to focus all my energy on that.
I'm not meant to raise my heart rate because of my Graves, I will be risking another hyperthyroid event which I don't want to happen but everyone in my family just thinks I'm this lazy idiot who would rather sit home and watch TV all day than clean, or work, or do anything. I can't talk to anyone who understands because nobody does. My best friend is great, she's the one person who understands me but she studies full time and has issues of her own so we don't hang out as much as we'd like.
In the last couple of years I've had several cars screw up on me, my newest one (I've had it for 2 months now) has already cost me $1200 since I got it, maybe more. I've lost "good friends" and had HUGE fights with my sister to the point where I have to fake everything with her now even though she thinks it's fine, I've had to go to my Dad's house (he's an alcoholic) after he threatened suicide and all my siblings left me there alone with him when I had to call an ambulance and watch police escort him to the hospital, and then be told by the nurses when I got there that he was threatening to kill me so I couldn't stay. I've dealt with my emotionally, mentally, financially and verbally abusive ex (DD's dad) continuing to control my life because he forced me to sign custody papers days after I walked out. I worry every time DD is with him. And now this morning I've found out his new girlfriend is living with him. Why does he get to have this peachy life when I'm sick, alone and further than broke. I've also had a serious relationship break up with the guy I thought was "the one".
I just don't know how or even if I can deal with this sh*t anymore. I know I should see a counsellor but I hate going, I hate being forced to wait for 2-4 weeks or more, then forced out after one hour and wait another few weeks. It doesn't help, it just makes me angrier.
I know the cause of all of this, the problem is I have no way to fix anything and I have nobody to talk to who doesn't try to tell me to just deal with it, or get over it, or just get on with life.
I just don't know what to do. I want to work, I want to make money so I can move out and start my own life with my daughter, but I'm stuck in this piece of sh*t life and there's nothing I can do but barely survive and feel alienated and alone.
Sorry for the novel. I don't expect replies because I know I'm just whinging but I just don't know what else to do.