So I have a bit of a long WWYD. I’m really feeling at a loss as to what to do & whether my feelings are valid, or whether I need to just get over them. So, here’s the situation in dot point form to try to make it clear…
The whole story is a bit too long & involved to type out, but the main points are:
I know the things they’ve done haven’t been the worst things IL’s have ever done, but I just can’t tolerate cr@p from people and I HATE drama, no matter who they are. I grew up in an emotionally (and physically) abusive household and promised myself that I’d never allow someone to treat me like that, or make me feel like that again. As I said to DH – if they were my family I would have called them out their bad behaviour and just walked away by now. But DH doesn’t want to cut ties, and has spoken to them and apparently they’ve all apologised…I’m yet to hear anything from them though, and it sounded more like they'd apologised to him, not to me :/
- SIL’s have always shown a total lack of respect for DH & I. They make snarky passive aggressive comments, judge our decisions and lifestyle (they’re very ‘alternative’, DH & more ‘straight laced’ - in their view anyway!), and have acted inappropriately and really rudely at special events for us, which tarnished our memories of these special days (engagement, wedding, baby shower, DS’s first xmas and birthday).
- SIL’s & MIL have accused me of being very rude to them because I was “too polite and quiet”…yep, really. So this is why they’re rude to me and don’t like me apparently.
- SIL’s & MIL have accused me of making up DS’s illnesses to keep DH & DS away from (yep, cause I totally snuck into a hospital 3 times, shoved tubes and cannulas into DS and took photos of it, just to avoid going to a freaking BBQ!).
- It has also gotten back to me that MIL & SIL’s have all bished about me to extended family & friends, about what an awful person I am. So I’ll be mortified if I ever have to see any of them again :/
Mostly their behaviour just hurts as I make a conscious effort every day to be kind to people, respect everyone, and be considerate of others, so to be told I’m a bad person kinda stings.
So, my WWYD is – Would you:
Sorry for the novel! TIA
- give it one more go, be nice, suck it up and accept that you will never get an apology from them and may be treated like cr@p by them forever.
- tell DH that you’re happy for him & DS to have a relationship with his family, but that you will not have anything to do with them as you don’t want to keep putting yourself in a position where you’re open to being repeatedly upset by them.
- tell DH that you’re happy for him to have a relationship with his family, but that you will not have anything to do with them, and that you don’t want DS around them either as you don’t want him to think it’s acceptable for families to treat each other that way…and also, that if they can’t respect the mother, they don’t get rewarded by getting to be in the child’s life – not sure if this is me being petty or me standing up for myself??? I know this is what they have wanted all along – DH & DS to themselves without me in the picture, so I feel like I’d be letting them ‘win’…??? But at the same time I don’t want DS to be in the middle of a conflict that has nothing to do with him…???
- Go there the next time and tell them all exactly what you think about them! (Oh how I wish I could!)