I don't post often but I've seen your posts.
Firstly I get the sense and I'm sure you've said it you suffer badly from anxiety? I'm guessing it's in overdrive right now as your panicking caus you are alone back at home and feeling hopeless. I suffer anxiety and depression too have for a long time. The one thing I've learnt is babies are so good at picking up your emotional state, the more wound up and anxious you get the more he is going to reflect that as well. You can see that happening.
Have you learnt coping mechanisms to deal with that. You need to implement them. Walk away for a few minutes and practice breathing exercises, try and calm down, De tense your muscles. I have good sleepers but the more anxious or upset I get turns my babies into hysterical messes. Because they don't understand yes they then seek you out for cuddles and reassurances.
You know the methods work, you know he can self settle and sleep. But I bet the minute you were home and Dh left you started tensing up, getting anxious and falling apart. I've done the same thing, it's so hard I know but you need to get into a calmer state to settle him down. Please you aren't a failure but our minds can run away with us.
Start practising calming and mindfulness in yourself and I know you can turn this around and get there.
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