I had been following your story @lilypily. Im so sorry you lost your bub xx
I think we all will have those moments for the rest of our lives. I think in time we will accept our fate but will always mourn what might have been. I just try and appreciate my very beautiful son and our precious moments together.
Big hugs sethysmum. I have these moments often. This thread is a good place to have a rant... we all understand exactly how you feel xx
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Thanks @melimum. Yes this thread is a good place to vent and not feel like people are judging you for the way you feel. Im glad I have found this group and people who understand and can relate to how im feeling xx
I just need a bit of a whine/vent/sorry for myself episode.
We have just finished our final try at IVF to have a second child. The cycle was cancelled. According to the nurses it looked like a cyst was growing - there was a large ?follicle there and about 6 small ones. Anyway, the way they spoke they gave me hope it was a cyst and we may have better luck in another cycle.
Walked into the FS office a week later (Friday) to be told bluntly "no response". Huh? That's not what the nurses said! FS believes the large follicle was an egg not a cyst. Told me that I just wasn't responding to the drugs and it was time to stop. Also told that we have a gorgeous boy and to appreciate him (wanted to slap her at this point). FS didn't say anything I wasn't expecting it's just the nurses had given me a bit of hope and she shot it down so quickly. I do think that doctors do need a lesson in empathy 😊
So I'm doing the whole bargaining denial thing in the grieving process. I'm still trying to work out how we can have another baby knowing in my heart it will never happen 😔 I am so sad for my DS. I should have never had him. I've left him in an awful position. No siblings, no cousins, just one aunt/uncle in another state, grandfather in another state and UK grandparents. The poor thing has no one but us.
I want to crawl into a black hole and die (I'm not suicidal I just want to shut the world out for a while). 😢
Oh @Truffle im so sorry to hear what your going through. Such a tough time.
Let yourself grieve hun. Its so hard to come to the realisation that there will be no more babies. Im still struggling. Dont ever feel that you should never have had ds. I bet you love him more than life itself and want to give him everything and would do anything for him, I know thats how I feel about my ds. He is surrounded by love and that is all thats matters. Hug him extra tight today and tell yourself its going to alright I have my miracle bub and we will get through this. xx
Hugs hugs hugs. What were your previous cycles like? Have you considered 1 more go with another FS for regret management?
@Truffle I'm so sorry your experience was made worse by your doctors manner. If it were me I would write an email letting them know exactly what you said on here. You pay a lot of money for an extremely intimate service where you are at your most vulnerable.
My DS is the same - separated parents. No cousins, one uncle who is weird, no siblings, one UK grandparent, one NZ grandparent, other grandparents two hours away. I said to my friend once after the separation that I felt like I'd failed him because I only ever wanted for him to be surrounded by family as I never had that. And she told me 'but family isn't just blood. You can make a family for him to be surrounded by - and the people you choose will love him like their own.' It helped me, so I hope that this helps you a bit too :-)
Last edited by harvs; 08-02-2015 at 21:51.
Thank you ladies for your thoughts. I'm just totally bummed. I knew it but I live in hope.
To be fair @lilypily my previous recent cycles haven't been great either. Have had a few cancelled cycles now. I was seeing the best in the business so no where to go. We have to either accept DS will be all we have or look into alternatives. We have attended an adoption information session but it seems almost impossible. I'm unsure about permanent care as I have to think about the impact on DS.
I know we need to build up our friend network. DH and I are quite introverted people and really struggle to make friends. We went to kids party last year where we knew no one but the host (obviously they were busy) and it was just horrible. We just struggle to make small conversation.
Oh god, what have we done 😒
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