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  1. #41
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    Thanks everyone.
    As I said, we haven't decided either way whether to stop TTC or not yet. We both still really want kids with the other. We have talked it through, and we will not actively try but not prevent either. This is our choice to make. I am fully aware of the stresses a baby could put on us. But it could have done that anyway. If it breaks us, it breaks us, and we deal with it.
    However, I know one of us deciding to put it off without the full agreement of the other, would be the end. Neither of us want that.
    @lilypily- as stated, I KNOW he didn't cheat physically. I have proof. I will not share that here. He may in the future, sure. But it's a good sign that he's being honest and seeking support.

    I am not leaving my husband. He felt it was just flirting, I felt it was cheating. I have made myself very, very clear to him. Now, we work on it.

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  3. #42
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    Is great that you know how you feel. I know its hard and some people will say leave him he will never stop.
    My dh had done it a few times but I believe that we are better together than apart.
    It's great that you know that to. It will help you deal with it all.

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  5. #43
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    Oh I fully expect people to say "leave him". And I know they are speaking through their experiences and genuinely trying to help me. I respect that.

    But I need my decision to stay to be respected too. We are much better together, than apart. And because of DSS and DSD, it's already the case that kids will be affected- so they have been included in our discussions (I mean we've talked about them, not to them).

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  7. #44
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    Hugs @DT75. You are a strong woman. All the best at working it out.

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  9. #45
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    Look, I'm going against the grain a bit and I think it's possible that you've managed to catch a potential problem just in the nick of time. Good luck with improved communication.

    I do agree with others though that TTC at a time like this is less than ideal. Even if you just give it a month or two to see how counselling goes.

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  11. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by HopefulK View Post
    Look, I'm going against the grain a bit and I think it's possible that you've managed to catch a potential problem just in the nick of time. Good luck with improved communication.

    I do agree with others though that TTC at a time like this is less than ideal. Even if you just give it a month or two to see how counselling goes.
    I should have been more clear... we probably won't have sex again for at least a month. I have told him I want him to attend at least 3 sessions before I am comfortable with being intimate.

    He has already met a psych that he seems to like (someone he has used previously). His first session is next week.

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  13. #47
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    Default Today I told my husband...

    As mentioned before I admire your decision to not automatically give your hubby the flick. IMO in cases such as yours it can take more strength to work at saving a marriage - very rewarding if/when it is pulled off.

    However I think you need to stop dicing with technicalities. It will take much longer than a month to work through the problems you both face - if neither of you are using contraception and you have sex then you are TTC. And I don't think this is a smart thing to do when your problems will likely not be resolved.

    "If it breaks us it breaks us and we will deal with it."
    - not sure this is a wise approach to take. You and hubby both have a responsibility to ensure that you chose the right time to bring a child into this world. A time where you will be able to communicate and coparent effectively, lean on each other for support, and give bub your 100% attention (without being distracted by your own problems). It is not fair to bring a child into this world when you know you are set up for failure instead of success.

    Wishing you and hubby the best of luck.
    Last edited by VicPark; 21-01-2015 at 21:33.

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  15. #48
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    I know what you are saying VicPark, and I appreciate your honesty.

    We both know that it isn't ideal to continue TTC, but it wasn't ideal to start either. To be honest, neither of us believe there ever is an ideal time.

    Add to that the fact that there are major conception issues in my family (it took 7-17 years for 90% of my family to conceive while trying) and DH is in his 40s, and we just cannot make ourselves put it off.

    We know it could cause major issues, but it feels wrong to delay it too long.

  16. #49
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    I have been in a similar place to you, we were ttc, I found out he was having multiple online relationships, he never thought he was cheating, I did, we never stopped having the occasional unprotected sex, I left him when things didn't get better.
    Two weeks after I left, I tested positive and was pregnant with our third child. We tries to sort it out but I caught him at it again and it all fell apart. So I ended up a pregnant single mother going through a divorce.
    We didn't stop having unprotected sex as it had always taken me a year and a half to fall pregnant each time. While I and everyone adores my third child, it was NOT an ideal way for her to be here. She has never lived with her father, and we all went through a really really hard time with divorce, mediation and access visits.
    Please be careful.

    Sent from my C6603 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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  18. #50
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    Default Today I told my husband...

    Good luck OP. All the best
    Last edited by Riri; 22-01-2015 at 10:10.


 

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