+ Reply to Thread
Page 3 of 6 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 54
  1. #21
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,705
    Thanks
    9,557
    Thanked
    12,687
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week

    Default Today I told my husband...

    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    I have been trying to do this for over 6 months. He wasn't interested. So I lost it.
    Read the OP again.
    I did. Your OP said you were trying to bing it up 'gently' and he was brushing you off. He was probably brushing you off because you bringing it up gently had the effect of downplaying it's importance!

    I don't mean to sound negative... It just seems that if you have to rely on bullet points and texts to get things going that's an indication of communication skills problems that probably are at the core if the relationship issues and may require help from a third party to improve. There are courses people can do to help improve their communication skills, Relationships Australia could have some ideas, I'm not sure.
    Last edited by VicPark; 15-01-2015 at 19:15.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    1,648
    Thanks
    558
    Thanked
    428
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I think your being harsh twiddle. Plus she wants to sort it out sooner rather than in the few months it takes to get in to relationships Australia.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,705
    Thanks
    9,557
    Thanked
    12,687
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Am I the only one that sees the irony of trying to plug the gap of distance with your spouse by sending a text or email? Sorry if this offends but the poor communication skills are probably what contributed to the mess in the first place. If obtaining precessional help is some time away then my advice would be to take that bullet list (good idea for getting ones thoughts together I have to admit) and turn it into a very succinct 60
    Second speech to hubby.
    - start off with a positive eg "I love you."
    - Dont let hubby fob you off, follow up with something like "this is real serious. I need you to stay. Not even pee breaks are allowed."
    - use I statements "I fell blah when XYZ happens." Don't say "you."!
    - be very clear about what you are asking of hubby eg "I want us to talk for at least 30 minutes on how we are both feeling in this relationship."

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to VicPark For This Useful Post:

    BabyG4  (20-01-2015)

  5. #24
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    1,125
    Thanks
    298
    Thanked
    368
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I think if she were having the entire conversation over text, then yes I agree. However it seems to me that the first text was just the ice breaker to start the conversation off, which will then be continued on Saturday as she mentioned. So I don't really think it's a problem.

  6. #25
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    2,841
    Thanks
    1,819
    Thanked
    1,421
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by TwiddleDiddle View Post
    I did. Your OP said you were trying to bing it up 'gently' and he was brushing you off. He was probably brushing you off because you bringing it up gently had the effect of downplaying it's importance!

    I don't mean to sound negative... It just seems that if you have to rely on bullet points and texts to get things going that's an indication of communication skills problems that probably are at the core if the relationship issues and may require help from a third party to improve. There are courses people can do to help improve their communication skills, Relationships Australia could have some ideas, I'm not sure.
    My husband has bipolar. If I don't bring it up gently, he loses it. He was brushing me off because he was busy- he is setting up a new business. However, it is important that we talk. I am not relying on bullet points and texts to "get things going". He knows we have needed to talk for a while. The text made him see that I have reached a point where it has become a necessity. I do not do my communicating this way, so for me to do so, he knows that it is time to sit down and talk it out, and that he has been neglectful.

    ETA: the bullet point list is for me to collect my thoughts, so I know what I need to say and don't go off track, which happens. He knows. It just needs to be said, so we can deal with it. This is how his mind works.
    Last edited by DT75; 15-01-2015 at 20:16.

  7. #26
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    202
    Thanks
    90
    Thanked
    86
    Reviews
    0
    iddle;8061763
    I don't mean to sound negative... It just seems that if you have to rely on bullet points and texts to get things going that's an indication of communication skills problems that probably are at the core if the relationship issues and may require help from a third party to improve. There are courses people can do to help improve their communication skills, Relationships Australia could have some ideas, I'm not sure.[/QUOTE]

    People communicate in different ways and it sounds like this is working for the OP.

    Good luck on Saturday, it sounds like you are both committed to making this work. Sometimes in the business of life its easy to let the most important people take a back seawhen we should really make the effort.

  8. #27
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    17,747
    Thanks
    5,085
    Thanked
    8,691
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Awards:
    Past Moderator - Thank you
    100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    My husband has bipolar. If I don't bring it up gently, he loses it. He was brushing me off because he was busy- he is setting up a new business. However, it is important that we talk. I am not relying on bullet points and texts to "get things going". He knows we have needed to talk for a while. The text made him see that I have reached a point where it has become a necessity. I do not do my communicating this way, so for me to do so, he knows that it is time to sit down and talk it out, and that he has been neglectful.
    You know your partner better than anyone else in this thread and I wish you all the best on your journey to reconnecting. Please do let us know how you get on on Saturday xx

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to misskittyfantastico For This Useful Post:

    DT75  (15-01-2015)

  10. #28
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    2,841
    Thanks
    1,819
    Thanked
    1,421
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by lilypily View Post
    Good luck for Saturday OP? Are things a little awkward at home since the text.
    No, actually, things have been better than they have in a while. He has been attentive and proactive. I'm actually really looking forward to our talk on Saturday.

  11. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to DT75 For This Useful Post:

    AdornedWithCats  (15-01-2015),Apple iPhart6  (22-01-2015),lilypily  (15-01-2015),Ruby_Tuesday15  (15-01-2015)

  12. #29
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    2,841
    Thanks
    1,819
    Thanked
    1,421
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Update:

    DH came home at midday today to spend time with me
    We're still going to wait until tomorrow to have our chat, but this is nice. He hasn't done this since the earlier stages of our relationship.
    Granted, he's officially working from home, but he's sitting next to me and his hand is resting on my leg

  13. The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to DT75 For This Useful Post:

    amyd  (16-01-2015),Apple iPhart6  (22-01-2015),CakeyMumma  (16-01-2015),GrabbyCrabby  (20-01-2015),HillDweller  (20-01-2015),lilypily  (16-01-2015),LittleDove  (20-01-2015),ManchesterLass  (16-01-2015),Sookie Stackedhouse  (16-01-2015),TheGooch  (16-01-2015)

  14. #30
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    1,404
    Thanks
    469
    Thanked
    348
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    That's sounds positive. Hopefully it's a step in the right direction for you both.

  15. The Following User Says Thank You to New Hope For This Useful Post:

    DT75  (16-01-2015)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Nobody told me it would be like this....
    By TTC1morepink in forum Anxiety & Panic Disorders
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 21-12-2014, 18:44
  2. If your husband told you..
    By Patience Belmont in forum General Chat
    Replies: 60
    Last Post: 16-05-2014, 17:32
  3. Sooo... My 2yr old just told me
    By 2Bboys in forum General Chat
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 04-05-2014, 17:15

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Mother and Baby Shop
Save $$$ during our Christmas Sale Mother and Baby Shop
Great prices on Schoenhut kids pianos, toys, baby clothing as well as big brands like Pigeon, NUK, Cherub Baby and many more. Sale starts on 1 November 2016 and ends on the 27 December 2016. Hurry! Place your order today!
sales & new stuffsee all
The Health Hub
Give a new mum a fitness boost for Christmas & New Year. Studio-based, small group training sessions - cardio, strength, core, Pilates & boxing. Choice of 16 hrs per week, flexible-arrival feature - bubs & kids welcome! Gift vouchers available.
featured supporter
Little Kickers NSW
Little Kickers was launched in 2002 in the UK and arrived Down Under in 2009. Our motto is “Play not Push” and we provide a positive fun-filled soccer program for children aged 18 months -7 years in a vibrant, group play environment.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!