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  1. #1
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    Default Benefits of counselling alone or with him

    i'm leaning towards going to counselling without my close friend/ partner to learn more about understanding him, accepting him, being closer to him, solving things with him.

    I am leaning towards going to counselling alone to learn these rather than with him because when i take him it makes him very anxious ( he is an anxious person) and it opens up painful wounds for him around him never having had his own children, and it makes him depressed and frantic and can work against me eg can drive him to feel desperate and to try to date random younger women in the hope of having his own children , rather than appreciate and get closer with me.

    If i go to cousnelling alone then i can learn things that help and i dont open up his wounds about not having had his own kids, that open when he is forced to talk about where we stand and which make him depressed or desperate.

    Meanwhile i continue to build love and bridges with him and my family in the hope that he will stay with me .

    in 2 years or 5 years i could regret staying or i could always feel that it was worth staying and trying. We might continue as we have or we might improve some areas that are not his strong points eg affection/ touch.
    i seem to lean towards wanting to stay with him than wanting to date othrs, though i have seen others in imperfect relationships move on to happier relationships with others.

    anyway for the moment my biggest dillemma is whether i should go to counselling with him and risk it working against me as it makes him anxious, frantic desperate depressed talking about his pain and opening his wounds, or whether to go with him. i'm leaning towards going without him and learning skills and understanding without stiring up his pain desperation depression which brings him down and makes him frantic and doesnt help anything.

  2. #2
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    Sounds like you need to go alone.

  3. #3
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    Can you do both?

    I know that many couples counselors often have counselling with both partners present, in addition to individual counselling.

  4. #4
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    I would start alone.

  5. #5
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    Start alone, discuss this exact dilemma with the counsellor, and they will help you with the decision and invite DP if it is beneficial.

    Both DH and I had counselling separately, at different times, after DD was born. DH's was in part because he was unhappy with how the relationship had changed but he sought counselling on this alone, initially, and at a certain point he and the counsellor had discussed having me come along to a combined session, which I was apprehensive about initially, but it worked very well and the counsellor handled things very well.


 

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