I'm QuietSoul. 32, married, have been casually trying for maybe the last year but we have been pretty relaxed about it. Then 4 times in the last month, around ovulating time, and hey presto.
I got a really really faint second line yesterday on a test and thought maybe it's just the stick, i will do another test in a few days. But i tested again today and the faint second line came up but less faint than before. Then i read the bit of paper and it said a faint second line is still a positive reading.
So then I freaked out a bit, and then went into the loungeroom and cuddled up to the hubby when he was watching telly, for a minute, then he was like "What's wrong?" then i showed him the pee stick, and being a bloke it took him a while to understand, i said "there's 2 lines", took him a bit and then he realised and then smiled and i cried, but not like happy crying, more scared crying, freaking out that i'm pregnant.
So we had this weird moment, i was like "sorry i'm crying, i know i should be happy, i'm not unhappy, i'm just really scared" and he was like "it's ok" and then he wanted to tell people and i didn't want to yet, i said we should wait until the 4 or 6 week mark like most people cos something could happen before then and also i feel heaps vulnerable right now and i don't want people coming up to me gushing about it and all these people knowing and i will just burst into tears in front of them.
Then he was disappointed and i think i just killed the whole moment for him, he was disappointed i didn't tell him i was doing a test or see if he could be there while i did it, but he never has before, i have always just gone off and done tests and then he tells me off for doing it too early before my expected period because they're expensive and i wasted them, so i didn't think to tell him now that i was doing one cos i thought he would tell me off, the one i did yesterday he told me off as usual.
I feel like i wrecked the moment that this should have been. I feel really vulnerable and i don't want people gushing at me. But we're gonna review in 24 hours and i might be ok with him telling his fam.
Sorry, i know all this sounds weird, and i also feel bad writing this knowing that some out there have really struggled to conceive and have been clucky since they were born. I have a friend who is single and is having her eggs frozen and it's a really painful topic for her, and here i am freaking out cos we achieved something that other people seem to want more than me.
I know that when i have it we will be happy and the child will be loved, but i have always had a phobia about the whole being pregnant and giving birth thing. Definitely doing a C section. Hoping they can put me under general so i don't have to live through having a hole cut in my organs.
Anyway, nice to meet you all