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  1. #41
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    I can't believe any family would think its ok for their mother/mil to be looking after 4-6 kids five days week!!! Especially when she had voiced that it is difficult for her. Frankly it would be extremely difficult for most people and as a whole family I think it's sad that nobody is considering your mil's wellbeing.
    I think you and your sil should find a paid babysitter to watch all 6 kids for 2 days a week and split the cost. That way you and sil get childcare at a reduce rate to a holiday care program and mil gets a few days to rest and enjoy her own life. The kids also get to spend time with their cousins. Everyone wins.
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  3. #42
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    Op do you need care for 2 days total or 2 days a week over the holidays???

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Suck it up? **** that!. If I was the mil I would be telling all the ungrateful parents to get stuffed!. I wouldn't be looking after 6 kids and then having the parents **** and moan about the details.. I will be enjoying my retirement!


    OP: if your mil has a permanent arrangement with the sil's kids or if they got in first with their request then it's only fair that your mil spends her limited capability looking after them. First in best dressed. Next time look at childcare for the holidays much earlier. It's your and your hubby's job to make sure arrangements are in place not your mil or sil's.

    For this time I wouldn't contact the SIL and ask her to find alternate arrangements for 2 days. That's going to come accross as rather petty and self centred. If I was your mil and that happened I would be ropeable. Ring around vacation care places, check out qualified nannies on your local mothers groups (many teachers who have all the police checks. Hire themselves out in the holidays). Depending on how flexible your employers are you could work shifts with hubby. Eg you work 6am-12 and hubby works 12:30-7pm that way each of you only need to take a couple of hours each day of leave.
    Wow Vic park, i agree with you on this one

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  6. #44
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    Eh... I don't get why the SIL is copping all the wrath and blame. She married into the family as well. If hubby was going to call anyone (which I don't agree with), it should be his brother.

    It just sounds like by getting hubby to call the SIL, you're trying to get him to pull "rank" as a blood relative to your MIL, being more important to your MIL than the SIL is who has only married into the family.

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  8. #45
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    Can you not simply call the SIL and talk about it calmly and just ask her if she can work something out with you? The mil probably feels torn and as though she can't say no. If the sil isn't willing to negotiate some days then you really have no choice but vacation care or a babysitter.

    I agree with previous posters that asking the mil to have 6 kids is totally unreasonable. 4 kids is def enough.

  9. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clementine Grace View Post
    Can you not simply call the SIL and talk about it calmly and just ask her if she can work something out with you? The mil probably feels torn and as though she can't say no. If the sil isn't willing to negotiate some days then you really have no choice but vacation care or a babysitter.

    I agree with previous posters that asking the mil to have 6 kids is totally unreasonable. 4 kids is def enough.
    Nooooooo! Don't go behind mil's back when you don't know all the reasons why she made her decision. For starters it's the old hubby's job to sort out, not hers. Secondly it's interfering which is bound to **** people off.

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  11. #47
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    At the risk of ****ing people off, firstly you say your MIL tells you how she cant cope with the 4 so you ask her to have 6? Umm...what?!?
    Secondly, you leave it last minute then be prepared for a no and have a back up plan.
    And thirdly, im sorry but the "its not fair" makes me picture a child jumping up and down because they didnt get their own way.
    I agree with others, think of your MIL she is a grandmother not a glorifed babysitter. You were told no, thats life, it happens.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Nooooooo! Don't go behind mil's back when you don't know all the reasons why she made her decision. For starters it's the old hubby's job to sort out, not hers. Secondly it's interfering which is bound to **** people off.
    This is true I guess I don't see why there needs to be drama, why it can't just be talked about calmly but I'm bystander and don't know the individuals. My mil wouldn't care if I rang my sil and sorted it out, but that's me.

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    Unfortunately MIL is not available.
    I think it would be wrong for anyone to call anyone about this and try and persuade or change their minds.
    Next time you might have to be organised sooner.
    This time it sounds like you or DH will have to stay home with kids or see if you can hire a baby sitter or use occasional care.

    Be careful about MIL complaining about SIL to you. Im fast learning that if someone is prepared to complain to you about others you can bet your @ss they're complaining about you too! As I've discovered lately!

    Leave whatever SIL and BIL are doing to them. It's not your concern.
    Avoid the trap!

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    Default MIL has said no to childcare....advise needed

    Haven't read the responses and I'm sure mine will be an unpopular view but tough. I get that it 'isn't fair' when your SIL always gets the offered babysitting. Don't forget that they have had an arrangement far longer than you it seems. While it is nice to have inlaws to do babysitting there are plenty of us who don't have that luxury and still get by. Your MIL has already raised her own kids and had to deal with the finding someone to babysit dilemmas. These are your kids and its your turn. I just don't see why you think you have the right to demand that she takes your kids and then get annoyed when she can't do it.

    The fact that your SIL gets all the babysitting is a whole separate thing that your hubby should be discussing with his mum.

    I would just chalk this one up as experience and next time try and make arrangements much earlier in advance. Good luck with it all!

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