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  1. #1
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    Default new mom needs advise

    Dear mommies
    Does anyone drink herbal tea post pregnancy? My mom (and grandma) has been pressuring me to drink traditional chinese herbal thingy that they bought from chinatown. My refusal was not taken lightly, as grandma has threathened to ignore me for the rest of my life for not listening to her, while mom finally backed off eventhough she still tried to push me to drink every now and then. The reason given by grandma when I challanged her was because the herbal tea has been around for 400+ years and every female in the family drank it for 40days after theyve given birth, no other reasonable explanation was given. My DH works as GP and thank God he is on my side fighting off grandma. I feel bad for arguing with her but am stuck trying every possible way to reason with her.

    I dont want to distance myself from her because she is an awesome grandma and I know she is forcing me to drink it because she believes it will bring me good.

    On top of that, i"ve been experiencing mild (on most days) baby blues and would love to hear from anyone who had experienced difficulty in their first few weeks or months.

    This baby is my first born and to be honest I didn't have a clue what I put myself into. I thought having babies would be fun fun fun, not crap sad cry. I was in shock on my first day when my baby cried constantly. I was considering paid help but have decided against it cos I thought caring for baby would be easy breasy, plus our financial situation is not in a very good shape.

    DH is currently away until early March so I am on my own. I don't live with grandma but will live with mom in Feb. Currently alone and sometimes I cried at night due to lack of sleep but somehow still managed to pull myself together to fight another day.

    I thought having baby at 31 means I would be ready mentally and physically....boy I was wrong.

    Labour was a nightmare, admitted to hospital for induction on the 17 Dec (moning) and gave birth on the 19 Dec (morning). Took me 2.5hours to get DB out, was not able to look at DB when they put him on my chest because I was in total shock.

    DH helped delivering DB but I was only told how to push correctly when they decided that it was time for the baby to come out. Yep...I didn't push the right way and ruptured some fine blood vessels on my eyes and face. Hated DH for few hours, felt humiliated when the nurses asked me...did your husband not tell you how to push?

    anyway...would love to hear from veteran mamas out there, I would like to learn to be a better mom for my DB. I lost my temper few hours ago cos he was constantly crying and mistaken the cry for nap when he was indeed hungry. I LIGHLY spank (please God forgive me) his bum and half yelling at him. I felt bad once he fell asleep after milk (I am holding my tears)

    Thank You
    MamaAlex

  2. #2
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    I'm sorry I don't have any real advice for you especially regarding the herbal tea. But I couldn't read and run. I wanted to give you big hugs. Be gentle on yourself, having a newborn is a huge shock to the system and they can be incredibly hard to figure out. I'm on my third and still find myself not sure what he wants.
    Please be kind to yourself and just take it one day at a time. Don't worry about tomorrow. You sound like a wonderful and caring mum.

  3. #3
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    Could you just pretend to drink it? It might save some Grandma drama that you don't need.

  4. #4
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    I don't have advice on the herbal tea either. I think if you really don't want to drink it then don't. Your grandma may not be pleased but I think she will get over it eventually. Maybe speak with your mum and ask her to support you and for her to explain to your grandmother the reasons why you don't want to drink it.

    As for how difficult it is looking after a newborn, I can empathize. You can never be prepared for the reality. Take each day as it comes and it does eventually get easier. It must be so hard doing it on your own. Are you able to attend any mothers group? I found the support from other new mums quite useful and it was nice to get out of the house. Do you also have a friend you can talk to? And then there is always bubhub if you need to vent or have questions. I have found lots of support on this site.
    Hugs xxx

  5. #5
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    JB23, thank you for you kind words and hugs. Apart from herbal tea, I was forbidden to wash my hair, have a fun life (step out from the house), shower, eat manggoes, cabbage, pumpkin, several type of fish, seafood and many more for 40 days....blahhhh..... It is hard being chinese ;(

    I know I will survive...cos I am a survivor I had difficult year behind me and I know deep down I made the right decision (ingoring the fact lack of information) bringing this baby to the world. I had scary thought that bad things would happen to DB but slowly it dissapeared.

    Lincolns Mummy, I did just that and my stupid ego was bigger thab my head....one day I told grandma boldly that I won't drink her herbal tea and I had thrown her lovingly prepared tea in the toilet (I had huge meltdown...blaming it on baby blues). I know my grandma is a kind forgiving person, she won't distance herself away forever....but the guilt of rejecting her tea is unbearable (am blaming it again on baby blues).

  6. #6
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    I take chinese herbal medicinal tea and im Australian. Its great and has so many great things

  7. #7
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    Thank you lovely mommies. I am currently feeling much better, I dont know how long this feeling will last but am definitely will drag it on as long as I could. My DH told me that my hormone is currently in charge (not the brain) and this moody feeling will eventually go away. Thanks for the advise Jotun. PinkPopsicle: I'm fine with anything made/grown/prepared in Australia, I just don't feel safe drinking unknown ingridients in imported teas/herbal medicine.


 

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