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  1. #1
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    Default Emotion Coaching----tips please

    I am currently reading "Kids, Parents and Power Struggles" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka she is the author of "Raising your spirited child". My 3 yr old is giving me the worst time lately. Anyway the book says to identify the child's emotion, like "I can see you are angry/frustrated/sad etc but we don't hit etc etc etc" . My problem is that there doesn't seem to be any emotion behind him doing things. Like today we had just come home from the park and we had been in the door about 5 minutes when he threw a toy at my mother, no reason for it at all, I do the whole "you may not throw your toys" spiel and a couple of minutes later he throws his shoe at me. So that's a 3 (1 2 3 magic) and into time out, when he has calmed down I do the "spiel" again adding that if he can't stop his behavior himself then I will stop him with a time out. So how do you identify an emotion when there doesn't seem to be one and he is just doing it because he feels like it. Help please.
    Last edited by WiseOldOwl; 05-01-2015 at 21:05.

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    bumping

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    He probably had an emotion you just don't know what it is. Maybe he was ****ed because he wanted an iceblock instead of taking his shoes off. Kids are funny like that.

    I've got a series of kids books in emotions. Sad, happy, angry, lonely etc. my boy loves them. We play pretend and put on all the faces "mummy be sad!" Is his favourite. I think it's helping slowly. Once when he was in trouble for something and crying he said "I sad". I could tell he was really upset so I have him a cuddle.

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    Yes I was going to suggest those books. They're all titled "when I am [emotion]" and I've seen them at big w. they have lovely illustrations too.

    You could also "play" emotions- grab whatever toys he is interested in, play a little game with him and wait for him to do something that would trigger an emotion and go with it. For example, he may be into cars so you both have some hot wheels cars and are zooming around when he lands his car on your hand. Take that cue to talk about the emotion of sadness:
    You "oh ouch! That hurts mama when you land your car on my hand. You have made mama feel sad. How can you make mama feel better?" (Sorry, cuddle, kiss the owie etc" and push the conversation from there.

    I have to change a pooey nappy but I have one more idea, ill be back!

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    The other idea is called 2x10 and is something I have been reading about to deal with challenging behaviours in the classroom.
    It's super easy- twice a day, spend ten minutes or more specifically and singularly with your son. Talk with him, tell jokes with him, play with him. Just connect.
    The theory is that children often act out as a way of getting attention, but if we can give them positive attention at least twice a day then the need to act out will lessen and eventually diminish.

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    Thanks for the suggestions. I was only just looking at books along those lines. I find as he has a severe speech delay that makes it even harder for him to communicate what he needs and could be some of the cause of his absolutely horrid behaviour lately but I can usually get what he means from gestures etc if he doesn't have a word or approximation. Maybe I'll start using some signs for emotions and see if that helps, the books could be a good prop for that. I'll speak to his speech therapist about it when she gets back from holidays.

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    This is my favourite. When I read it and put on the 'cranky' show I walk around and stamp my feet throwing a little toddler tanty. The book is great as it talks about being angry is no excuse for hurting others (in kids terms). So would be a good Segway for talking about not throwing things at Nanna.

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    I was going to suggest the 'When I am ' books too. I have been reading these to the kids since they were tiny and they're great, especially the ones about being 'angry' and 'jealous' they really resonate with the kids because of the simple language and examples and cute illustrations.

    For a while there I would give them as gifts when the kids had birthday parties to go to.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Attachment 65337
    This is my favourite. When I read it and put on the 'cranky' show I walk around and stamp my feet throwing a little toddler tanty. The book is great as it talks about being angry is no excuse for hurting others (in kids terms). So would be a good Segway for talking about not throwing things at Nanna.
    Picked the Angry one up a BigW. Hoping it will help, DS seems to like it. Although I'm not sure that it's anger that's driving the behaviour. Not sure what it is, he just seems to enjoy doing it.


 

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