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  1. #1
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    Default How do you respond to the "when are you having kids?" question

    Sorry for the long post but I'm hoping you lovely ladies may be able to help me out with this one. DH and I have been actively ttc for 5 months and have had a timeline for babies since before we got married 2 years ago. We have a good relationship with both sides of the family but both feel that ttc is quite a personal issue and we would rather not tell anyone until we fall pg.
    My parents have never pressed the issue with us but for the last year DH's family try to quiz us every time we see them. We have tried speaking in broad terms "in the next few years" "when god blesses us with a child" etc but lately the questions have become more and more direct and I'm stuck on how to respond. While his family is lovely and I know they prob think they have our best interests at heart by asking, they are not known for their ability to keep a secret and I really do not want our conception plans to be broadcast the whole extended family.

    I'd love to be pregnant atm more than anything but with PCOS and long cycles it is just not as easy as my SIL who always falls really quickly.
    Any advice?

  2. #2
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    Seems like a very common family question, we had the same thing, from the day I we got back from our honeymoon!! My standard response (only really helpful if you work with kids sadly) was...I already have 22 why do I need more? ;-) or just say we'll have them when we are ready, no sooner, no later...I found dealing with it in a jokey way the way to get by...it is annoying/gets difficult though. Good luck!


    Me -26 DH - 28+ Baby Vee coming 16/3/15

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  4. #3
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    It's a bit different for us as we had 2 but we were starting to get the 'when are you having another' question or if I refused a glass of wine (I don't really like it that much anyway) we'd get the 'oooooh, yep mums the word' look.

    I just came out and said 'It's not in the pipe lines until we Travel / Renovate / Move etc and made it very blunt and closed. Sometimes you have to be a bit short to keep private things like TTC to yourselves. Nothing worse than having an audience at the door when you're working on it right haha

    I told a few extra nosey family members we weren't ever having anymore. MYOB I think

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    TurquoiseBlue  (03-01-2015)

  6. #4
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    Argh it's so frustrating hey? We honestly got it for years. We r only pregnant now with our first child, but have been together for 12 years and married for nearly 6.... We got it mostly since we got married, but a bit before that as well. It's frustrating... I used to say when we can fit them in, when uni finishes, one day, it's none of ur business, hubby used to be in defence - so would say when my husband is home more.

    My hubby's mum even asked him when we were thinking if having kids when we were waiting fir all clear on this one.... His response 'we've been thinking about it for ten years'

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    Thanks so much ☺ I think perhaps I need to be firmer and just say that we will let them know when the time comes and not before.

    I find its a fine line between keeping private and appearing rude but I really don't think its anyone else's business. I had my SIL call me to tell me they were trying because her mum thought it might convince us to try too. And then today DH tried to answer his mums questions in a joking way " we'll have kids once we get new cars, have a huge house, go to Europe and canada etc" and you should have seen the disapproving look I got 😦
    As if ttc wasn't hard enough without other people throwing their opinions in.

  9. #6
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    I used to tell my nosey inlaws and friends that they shouldn't be asking about our s.ex life! That statement shuts them up pretty quickly! Lol!

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    curlybird  (04-01-2015)

  11. #7
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    Once, before my two arrived, my dad asked me when I was "going to make him a grandad". I told him him "we'll have lots of sex and let you know". He's a red head and I swear the blush reached to the end of his hair, haha!! 😂 Needless to say, he never asked again.

    For others I wasn't quite so graphic. But if people asked that question I'd say "A uterus is not a democracy." And maybe if I was especially put out by them asking I'd say something like "you don't get a say in when I decide I want babies." My DH would just tell people "when she wants to" which sort of matched my line.

    Some people got a bit put off, but really, it's no one's business but yours when you have babies. And when it's not happening and you are actively trying, it is hard not to wear your heart on your sleeve. Don't take it personally, people are usually just being interested in you, and they often don't know it's a sensitive subject. If someone gets truly offended when you don't answer, then they really need a reality check. There are more important things in life than knowing other people's efforts to make babies! 😉

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    TurquoiseBlue  (04-01-2015)

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    I found that that question has gotten worse since I have had DD. She is 4.5 now and they use her as a reason to guilt me, saying things like 'oh poor DD, all alone with no brother or sister. Don't be so mean give her someone to play with!' But they don't realise we have been trying for 3 years....was even worse hearing it straight after my miscarriage, people should mind their own business!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Just*Ace View Post
    I found that that question has gotten worse since I have had DD. She is 4.5 now and they use her as a reason to guilt me, saying things like 'oh poor DD, all alone with no brother or sister. Don't be so mean give her someone to play with!' But they don't realise we have been trying for 3 years....was even worse hearing it straight after my miscarriage, people should mind their own business!
    Hugs hon, that must really hurt People are so thoughtless. I have an only child by choice (DS is almost 4) and I'm yet to have anyone guilt me like that. How rude.

    Anyway, back to the OP. I would say something like 'we aren't sure right now, but we'll let you know when the time comes'.

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    TurquoiseBlue  (04-01-2015)

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    Maybe you could start turning it back on them. Like when they ask, answer "well we tried this morning, i was on top, and he..." and i can guarantee they will stop asking. Lol 😆

    Good luck OP

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