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  1. #21
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    Congratulations on becoming a mummy

    Kick the jerk to the curb, he won't change.

    You'll find the strength for your baby boy x

  2. #22
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    Congratulations on bubba... It's good to hear your family is being helpful. I'm sorry to hear things aren't working out with your partner. Having a newborn is an incredibly challenging time with hormones going crazy all over the place. Even those with 'perfect' relationships can be hit very hard and have parents and inlaws that don't know appropriate boundaries in the aftermath of a birth.

    Others could very well be right: your partner could be an ar$ehole plain and simple.

    I am going to throw another *possibility* out there. No one on here can tell you what the truth is with your relationship. Or tell you what to do. With that in kind you are going to have to take what each of us say with a grain of salt and use your own judgement.

    How old is your partner? If he is 18ish then he could just be an immature young boy who doesn't know how to deal with the fact he's (and I am hypothesizing here) stuck in a relationship he doesn't want to be in with a baby that wasn't planned and for which he is not ready for. Or perhaps , because if his immaturity, he is funding it hard to find his groove with your own little family considering you are still young and closely under the wings of your own parents.
    - one thing that struck me is that you mentioned the relationship was all on his terms... Yet he refused to live with you in your parents house. I am assuming there are other examples, however I wouldn't necessarily be bothered by this one. I think it's quite reasonable for your partner to not what to live with his inlaws. Inlaws suck.

    Did you directly witness the incident with your 4 year old brother? Could there be more to the story?

    Should he stand up and be a good dad? Of course. Does he have the maturity and life skills to do that this point? Possibly not. Does it mean he will never be a good dad and should be shut out of the picture permanently? I would argue not necessarily. It will probably be hurting you like hell that he isn't there for you. As hard as it may seem, unless a court determines your baby is in danger by being around his father, it is *probably* in bubs best interest for the medium-long term communication lines to remain open.

    I agree with others who have suggested that you focus on bubba at the moment: dealing with your partner and the Inlaws can wait at least until the baby blues have settled.
    Last edited by VicPark; 04-01-2015 at 12:53.

  3. #23
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    He's been seeing his son once a week for a day which is what the courts would allow anyways.
    The living together is kind of understandable since we're young but my parents are offering to help which a lot more than his are doing. He wants me to move into housing but I don't see the need. We don't need to move into housing because my parents are offering so much help.
    I did see the incident but it was so quick. My brother was just trying to get him to play.
    We've had another fight which he's said he's sorry and that he wasn't ready for a baby. Neither was I. He constantly blames what's going on in his life for his behaviour :/ I want to forgive him and I want to make it work but I don't think I can honestly trust him anymore. It's always sorry I'll change, sorry I'll do better and there's never any change he doesn't even try to.
    The whole situation is just very hard. Obviously I want him to be around and there for his son. I want us to be a family. But I'm not willing to leave my support because he doesn't want to deal with my family especially since I deal with his all the time. I'm planning on returning to study soon and I can't leave my support without entering another one. Until he shows me he can be that support I need I can't move from my family.

  4. #24
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    You're a smart girl. Stick to your guns, you know what best for you n your Lil one . Congratulations, let it all make you the strong courageous woman you will be, maybe not everyday, but in the long run Don't let anyone rain on your parade. Xxx. Enjoy your bubba!! L

  5. #25
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    I get what you're saying: you don't want to leave your support network unless your bf is going to do a good job at filling that gap. I think thats a very smart move.

    At the same time don't begrudge your bf for not wanting to live with your parents (hell at that age IMO). You can't expect to have a grown up BF and relationship when you are living with your parents.

    Perhaps just do what you're doing, and mark the less than ideal situation down to the fact you are both young. Then give each other the opportunity to grow into your new roles as you mature.

  6. #26
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    I have been through a very similar situation.

    I chose to leave my baby's father and he hasn't been interested in being a part of his life. I mistakenly let him be at the birth and he did not support me at all. Biggest mistake of my life.

    It has been 3.5 months now and I am so much happier and feel like I've made the right decision to protect me and my son.

    It is very hard to get over someone you love, even if they're abusive, but time does help.

    Sounds like you have a very supportive family which is great. I'd also suggest you seek counselling from a social worker or therapist. Perhaps even contact your city's DV centre.

    You have to do what's best for you and your son.

    Best of luck

    Xo

    Sent from my C6903 using The Bub Hub mobile app


 

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