+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 26
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    22
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    1
    Reviews
    0

    Default Problems with boyfriend

    I fully apologise if his turns into a rant post but I honestly don't know who to turn to.
    I'm 18 in a couple weeks and have just given birth my my DS. He's everything I love and I'm blessed to have him. His father on the other hand is a completely different story.
    All throughout my pregnant he's been really difficult. He didn't get a job for ages and then quit his job after working in it for 6 weeks. Spent the money that he'd saved for baby stuff on a new bike. I had to fight him tooth and nail to pay half of one ultra sound. He wouldn't move in with me to my house. We've broken up several times because the relationship has been completely on his terms and I've done everything I could to make this work for our child. I've dealt with threats from his sister after we broke up one time and he's been a complete *** to my family.
    My family is such a big part of my life. I'm extremely close to them and I still live at home and they've helped me every step of the way. They've paid for everything I needed for the baby and during pregnancy except half an ultra sound. I couldn't work and they literally without fuss have paid for everything without wanting me to pay them back.
    During birth my boyfriend disappeared for an hour while I was crying in pain. Thank goodness I had my mum there with me otherwise i would have been alone. I find out later that he went to see his mum who was downstairs in the hospital. Then he let his family show up just after id given birth. Literally I was getting stitches and they were at the door. So he walks out the door and sits with them in the waiting room leaving me once again without someone to hold my hand except my mum. The next day he brings more family after not even staying the night (I guess you can guess who stayed) and the next day went home before they put me in the ward. I was not coping and needed someone to help me so I called him and got no answer. I then had to beg my parents to come in and help me.
    Two days ago we got into a big fight where he said he'll only talk to my family if he has too as he's being civil. He won't be my four year old brothers best friend. He won't play with him. And then three days ago he actually pushed my four year old brother away from him and he fell against the coffee table. Needless to say my parents are livid and my midwife came and saw me a mess.

    I'm now worried about our son. Is he going to push him away if he tries to ask his dad to play with him? We've barely talked and my parents don't want him in the house. He's said some horrible things and I'm not sure if we can still be together. I have no idea what to do as now I have to sort out visitation all 4 days after giving birth.

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to AshPixie For This Useful Post:

    letii  (02-01-2015)

  3. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    160
    Thanks
    29
    Thanked
    78
    Reviews
    0
    You need to think of what's best for you and your son. Not one thing you gave mentioned about the father makes him seem worth trying so hard for.

  4. The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to believa For This Useful Post:

    3bubbys  (02-01-2015),Albert01  (02-01-2015),azelqra  (02-01-2015),btmacxxx  (02-01-2015),Cue  (02-01-2015),FrothyFrog  (02-01-2015),HeavenBlue  (02-01-2015),MsViking  (13-01-2015),palegreyeyes222  (01-01-2015),Qwerty  (02-01-2015),sunnyflower  (01-01-2015),Wise Enough  (15-01-2015)

  5. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    8,544
    Thanks
    1,351
    Thanked
    2,307
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Your boyfriend is extremely abusive. Please get counselling right away.

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    320
    Thanks
    240
    Thanked
    150
    Reviews
    0
    Oh love, what a time you're going through, sounds like you have a wonderful family, and with their love and support this time would be beautiful, but sounds like the appendage bringing it down is the boyfriend. Ill be honest, a leopard won't change his spots. The only thing ill say in his defence is, just going on what you've said, he is young and seems **** scared. But still, he's had 9 months to get used to that, and you've gone through it too. I'm compelled to say to you let him go. Stop trying, stop pushing for him to be any better than he is right now. Stick with your family where you are safe and loved for now, and let the rest go. The future will work itself out in someway. Do what is good, safest, happiest and easiest for you and your babe. Xx

  7. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Dreamer1 For This Useful Post:

    letii  (02-01-2015),SuperGranny  (02-01-2015)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    35
    Thanks
    58
    Thanked
    3
    Reviews
    0
    It's toxic babygirl ! You honestly deserve better , and your baby boy deserves a better man as an ideal role model . To spend money on a damn bike ? Might as well tell him to ride on out of your life . Cos you deserve a man that will take care of you and his own .

    The relationship won't work honey , ive been in many and have learned that, you live on ! And you should worry more about the relationship you have with your son, and your sons surroundings ️ I know I sound harsh , but it doesn't seem as if he is serious yet . Maybe give him a trial period to fix his life ?

    Sending you all the blessings and I hope you don't get mad

    Pregnant and furious

  9. #6
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Qld
    Posts
    1,293
    Thanks
    1,347
    Thanked
    289
    Reviews
    4
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Some men, no matter what the age, find newborns terrifying and some react very badly. Sad, but true.

    To me, it sounds like he is just young and immature and not aware or ready to take on such a responsibility as being a father and partner.

    You sound like you have an amazing family who support you emotionally so I'd take this time to step back from him and concentrate on you and your baby.

    I'd also have him move out from your parents house (I know easier said than done), maybe if he knows your serious he might pull his socks up. Be ready for him to either fight to be with you or take off in the other direction. I know that's not exactly what you want to hear hun, but this is an important time and if he is going to cause more drama than good then he really isn't worth it.

    I hope you work it out, big hugs.

  10. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    5,556
    Thanks
    1,602
    Thanked
    2,362
    Reviews
    6
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Just stop dealing with him. You don't need it when you have a newborn. Don't call him, don't bother making any effort to include him. Leave it up to him to get involved with your son, but make sure any visits are on your terms. Lean on the people who are supporting you and don't waste energy on childish nonsense.

  11. The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Cue For This Useful Post:

    3bubbys  (02-01-2015),A-Squared  (02-01-2015),atomicmama  (02-01-2015),Atropos  (04-01-2015),bellebelle12  (02-01-2015),FrothyFrog  (02-01-2015),MrsSS  (02-01-2015),Rutabaga  (02-01-2015),SuperGranny  (02-01-2015),waterlily  (02-01-2015)

  12. #8
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    342
    Thanks
    135
    Thanked
    143
    Reviews
    0
    Focus on your baby. You're his whole world. Stop wasting time and emotional energy chasing after his father, who doesn't seem to care at all about you or his son. I know that's harsh and probably hard to hear, but it's what all of his behaviour demonstrates.

    That little bubba is your priority now, not his dad.

  13. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Whirligig For This Useful Post:

    Qwerty  (02-01-2015),waterlily  (02-01-2015)

  14. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    9,893
    Thanks
    3,054
    Thanked
    5,860
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    This reminds me of the kind of behaviour exhibited by a lot of the young dads on the TV show '16 and pregnant'. It's always up to the mother to be strong, brave and responsible. The young dads often seem to have no clue and appear quite disrespectful and selfish.

    I don't think your partner is just immature, he sounds emotionally abusive, rude and inconsiderate.

    Agree with others who say just focus on your new baby in your loving and stable family home. Do not fight for this guy's attention. Let him go - he's not worth fighting for.

    Perhaps in due course he may wake up to himself a bit and realise he's a father and he needs to lift his game? Perhaps not. The important thing is your wellbeing and the wellbeing of your child.

    Stay strong, I'm sorry he's been so disappointing. You deserve better

  15. The Following User Says Thank You to Mod-Degrassi For This Useful Post:

    Qwerty  (02-01-2015)

  16. #10
    Gothel's Avatar
    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Stressame Street
    Posts
    6,515
    Thanks
    2,368
    Thanked
    2,113
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I agree with the others, right now you need to focus on yourself and your baby. He hasn't earned himself a place in your life. Just imagine if the baby wasn't in the equation and he was a casual friend that behaved as selfishly as that? And why does he have a problem with your family when they have done everything possible to support you?

    I think you should get some counseling for yourself asap so you can talk this out with someone who is not involved and trained to help. This is a tough situation whatever your age, 18, 28, 38 - and some professional guidance won't hurt at all. But IMO his behaviour is toxic and right now you need to focus on a newborn. I'd be looking for space in the short term, don't worry about visitation yet, just think about the next few days. Focus on yourself and Bub, and watch and wait to see how he behaves himself. Just because he's the father doesn't give him automatic rights to run amok and make everything so difficult.

    Congratulations on your beautiful little boy btw


 

Similar Threads

  1. My husband just asked if I had a boyfriend
    By Patience Belmont in forum Family & Friends
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 18-08-2014, 11:24
  2. Ent problems
    By monnie24 in forum General Child Health Issues
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 31-07-2014, 12:30
  3. Sisters new boyfriend.... Not too sure
    By aarentz in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 76
    Last Post: 25-01-2014, 02:19

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
WaterWipes
Give your babies bottom a gift this Xmas! They are the only wipe made using just water and a drop of grapefruit seed extract and may help avoid nappy rash. Check out the great reviews on bubhub and see our website for more info and availability.
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
GymbaROO
GymbaROO offers activities for babies & toddlers in a fun learning centre, focussing on developmental education. Classes are available Australia-wide. Enrol today & help your child to reach their full potential. Visit the website to find out more.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!