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    Default Very unhappy, please help if you have been though similar cases

    Well me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3years and 7 months , I am expecting baby number #1 , and in my heart I believe that when baby Is born he should have mly surname because we aren't married

    his mother however does not approve of us getting married , and does not like me , due to the fact that we first started dating when his parents went through a divorce . She feels as If I took him Away from her (he's the only son she , has ) .

    I apologised , and tried to create peace with her but she told him that she will NEVER FORGIVE me , due to the fact of my presence during their divorce , she told him I hold a fraction of fault for the divorce , which I'm puzzled ??? Because I thought a marriage is between two people ? How can your sons girlfriend come in the way of your marriage ?

    Since my boyfriend told her that the last name of our baby is important to him and the right thing in both of our cultures is to get married , she refused and told him that he should change the name anyway

    My heart hurts knowing that she does not care at all about our baby and she told him that maybe he's not the father .

    But I'm scared , because my baby boy will be born soon , and I strongly feel that because I'm not married the baby should have my last name & not his . Only or if we get married will I then change his last name

    Am I being biased ? It has been stressing me out for the last 5 months .. Anyone with similar stories ?
    Last edited by letii; 30-12-2014 at 19:35.

  2. #2
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    tazz475 is offline Holy banjo, check out boob mountain!
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    Default Very unhappy, please help if you have been though similar cases

    I think if you and your partner want to get married, do it regardless of what his mum thinks. If your partner is fine with baby taking your surname, do it! You and your partner are going to have your own family to worry about now without all of the guilt trips and bull**** she is laying on you.
    She sounds like a cow, I wouldn't listen to her.

    It's not your fault that she got divorced and that her son distanced himself from her, with her attitude it's obvious why your partner and his dad distanced themselves in the first place.

    Does your partner stand up for you? Maybe it's time he took a stand against his mother.

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  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by tazz475 View Post
    I think if you and your partner want to get married, do it regardless of what his mum thinks. If your partner is fine with baby taking your surname, do it! You and your partner are going to have your own family to worry about now without all of the guilt trips and bull**** she is laying on you.
    She sounds like a cow, I wouldn't listen to her.

    It's not your fault that she got divorced and that her son distanced himself from her, with her attitude it's obvious why your partner and his dad distanced themselves in the first place.

    Does your partner stand up for you? Maybe it's time he took a stand against his mother.
    I had so much respect for this woman , because she is my baby's grandmother whether I like it or not , but reading you comment makes me smile , thank you for your advice ..

    He has stuck up for me , and although she has re-married , I guess she still hates the fact that I am apart of that memory she had with her ex husband .

    He has threatened her that she will have no place in our child's life , but I told him to forgive her , and be good to her , although she is unkind towards me and the baby .. Because if i were to miss out on the raising of my own grandchild , I would be deeply hurt . Even though deep down I knew she deserved it lol

    Yeah I always put that In mind , that we are starting our OWN little family . But she has refused to let him go and him , being as close as he is to being the man in her life , he's staying with his mum , even though I have my own place -.-

    His mums husband is still overseas and so she told him to stay with her.

    He stands up for me always , but sometimes he is also persuaded by his mum that I'm my a good person , so he ended our 6 month engagement , because of the fact she was filling his head up, and he thought I was probably not the right one .

    Now that we are welcoming our Babyboy into this world , I can't wait around for it , because I love my son . He needs a full time dad , not a part time dad .

    Thanks though

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    It sounds like your partner needs to man up a bit and not let his mother interfere and dictate the ways things will be.
    If you want to get married screw what she thinks!
    If she is going to treat you like this she doesn't deserve to be a part of your family or your sons life.

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    Hey OP!

    Don't let her say anything about you holding a fraction of the blame for her divorce, as you said marriage is between two people... So apply that to your situation and marry your DP if that's what you both want. Who cares about what she wants. People fall in love, have babies, get marriage, have more babies, buy houses and live their own lives.

    As for the last name - if you want to marry your DP and he wants that too then I would give your son his last name. Changing a name is very tedious and the effects of doing it will annoy your DS his whole life. He will always have to have proof of name change certificates for his school, license, bank accounts, home loans, passport etc.

    If you were to get married and you want to keep your last name and you want DS to have your last name that's something different to discuss with your DP. Don't allow DP's mum to influence any decision you make. She has no right.

    Good luck OP and congratulations on your pregnancy.

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    Why do you think the baby should have your name? Why do you think your rights are more important than your partners? My husband would have been heartbroken if we weren't married & I didn't give our daughter his last name.

    Go hyphenated. Win/win for both parties.

    But if this is the man you love & intend on spending the rest of your life with - I'm shocked that you don't want your baby to have his last name. If you truly loved this man, his mother wouldn't affect your decision to get married.

    Are you sure there isn't other underlying reasons you don't want this baby to have your last name?

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    Quote Originally Posted by dee1 View Post
    Why do you think the baby should have your name? Why do you think your rights are more important than your partners? My husband would have been heartbroken if we weren't married & I didn't give our daughter his last name.

    Go hyphenated. Win/win for both parties.

    But if this is the man you love & intend on spending the rest of your life with - I'm shocked that you don't want your baby to have his last name. If you truly loved this man, his mother wouldn't affect your decision to get married.

    Are you sure there isn't other underlying reasons you don't want this baby to have your last name?
    This to me sounds like a very outdated opinion.

    OP - I personally would give your child your last name. When you are the one taking your child to appointment's, registering them for school etc. etc. it makes life so much easier when you have the same last name.

    Why on Earth should a baby automatically have to take the Father's sir-name????

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    In my culture if we aren't married , the baby has to have the mothers last name .. It's just the culture that comes behind it . Especially from a Polynesian background my family is a big part of my life ..

    But he is happy whatever happens , because either way it is a blessing from God ..

    Yeah

    I don't know why his mother has such a hold on me , maybe it's because she is his mother , and I love him too much , that I lower myself and have low self esteem and that falls under my mental state ..

    He is the man I love , I see no other. But lately it's all going "too fast " for him now .


    Yep I told him to grow a backbone let's get married anyway , because my happiness means a lot more than being depressed during pregnancy lol but depression is so constant during my pregnancy that he's annoyed

    Trying to be positive baby blues make it worse ..

    The feeling of being refused and told "no" makes me angry .. Doesn't help pregnancy at all lol

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    I understand where you are coming from. I don't know the reasons why you feel like that but for me it is cultural if you aren't married the child takes the mother's name and theres no question about that. I got a lot of weird looks when I had DD as to why she didn't have her father's name or my partner's name. And just as much I have given strange looks to friends who gave their kids their fathers name without being married.

    Do what makes you comfortable but most of all talk it through with your partner so that you are both on same page.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Star Light View Post
    This to me sounds like a very outdated opinion.

    OP - I personally would give your child your last name. When you are the one taking your child to appointment's, registering them for school etc. etc. it makes life so much easier when you have the same last name.

    Why on Earth should a baby automatically have to take the Father's sir-name????
    That is what my family agrees with also , if a real man can do the dance with no pants , he can walk you down the aisle and put a ring on it legally in front of God .

    His family background is filo , they are very similar to my culture. When we have a baby , we get married for my child's sake , but since he's not, I had to make the decision of giving our baby boy my last name .

    He was very upset yet agreed that whatever the decision when the baby Is born , he will be happy .

    I agree , I hate it too , why not the the woman's last name ? What's wrong with it lol


 

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