My dd is 2. Since day 1 I keep telling myself things will get better, maybe after the newborn stage.... maybe after the infant stage... maybe once she's a toddler.... maybe once she can hold conversations with me... But no, it never gets any better. It just changes but the feeling of not enjoying being a mum does not change and I do not know what to do anymore which is why I am hoping I will find non-judgemental people here that can offer me advice on what to do.
I'm ashamed of writting this...
She's a beautiful child, my dh is amazing with her and loves spending time with her but I struggle and it hurts.
I work full time, 5 days a week, so its not like I am a SAHM that needs a break from being with a kid all day.
I am a person that thoroughly enjoys alone time and that has gone out the window since becoming a mother.
My dh used to watch our dd for an hour each day so I could go for a run. I loved my runs, sometimes i didn't want to run but I'd do it anyways just to get those 60 minutes to myself but after a month or so of doing this my dd got clingy to me and the guilt of leaving her took the best of me so I stopped running. She doesn't see me during the day and i couldn't take away 1 more hour. I resented not being able to take that time anymore.. I am desperate for my alone time and i feel selfish for wanting time to myself.
Every morning there's the battle to get her dressed, to brush her hair, to brush her teeth - i can't even brush her teeth because she win't let me. Then by the time we get home in the evening I battle to get her to have a bath, to put pj's on EVERYTHING is a battle. I'm so sick of it.
As a working mother who is also extremely introverted I struggle because I need that time to myself to do what I want. I feel like i have to give her all of me because she doesn't see me 40 hrs a week.
I'm not enjoying being a mother. I'm to selfish, i miss being carefee. I hate missing my old life but i do.
I want to enjoy being a mum, i really do but i don't know how ..., help