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  1. #1
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    Default What do I say? What do I do? How do I process it?

    Long post (and possibly all over the place and confusing)
    For the sake of this even though we aren't married I'll be referring to DFs family as in laws.

    So today (Boxing Day) DF, DS and I drove an hour and a half to visit my grandparents for Christmas. Upon returning DF had a missed call from MIL and a message asking to call her back as soon as possible.
    DF calls MIL and she's told him that FIL has left. Turns out FIL had been sending inappropriate messages to his 22 year old step granddaughter who was staying with them. It all came out when she went back home for Christmas. BIL (FIL is his step dad) calls MIL in a rage this morning telling her that he's looking at inappropriate messages from him to his daughter. MIL approaches FIL to ask what's the deal and he didn't deny it and says "she was flirting with me" which no one believes. MIL has kicked FIL out he's left in a rage (totally out of character and I'm a bit worried about his wellbeing even after what he's allegedly done).
    Since then FIL has messaged DF to say I'm a mess please let me talk to you etc.
    so I don't know why I'm posting this but I don't know what to say to DF/MIL I don't know what to do if FIL rocks up I don't know how to help my DF who is sitting on the end of the bed in shock.

    Sorry if it's all over the place but we are all over the place.

    Also this has come 2 months after my good friend who was 38 weeks pregnant had her husband arrested in front of her for molesting his 11 year old cousin who had slept over. She has since left him and is a single mother.

  2. #2
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    I dont think you will ever process it! What a horrible situation.

    Some people are very good at playing the victim when they do the wrong thing! Reaching out to your DH may just be a way for him to gain people on 'his side' or get validation.

    Your poor friend, how awful! I feel sick after reading that poor woman went through that.

    ETA WAIT WAIT WAIT! Just realised you its the step grand daughter, i got mixed up and thought it was your SIL. I have since deleted a sentence where i references that.

    No wonder your BIL is p1ssed!!! There is no excuse for that, no matter whether she was 'flirty' or not! What a piece!
    Last edited by heplusme; 26-12-2014 at 18:51.

  3. #3
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    I don't have anything to offer but hugs and the obvious suggestion that at a time like this do more listening than talking.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by brooketobub View Post
    I dont think you will ever process it! What a horrible situation.

    Some people are very good at playing the victim when they do the wrong thing! Reaching out to your DH may just be a way for him to gain people on 'his side' or get validation.

    Your poor friend, how awful! I feel sick after reading that poor woman went through that.

    ETA WAIT WAIT WAIT! Just realised you its the step grand daughter, i got mixed up and thought it was your SIL. I have since deleted a sentence where i references that.

    No wonder your BIL is p1ssed!!! There is no excuse for that, no matter whether she was 'flirty' or not! What a piece!

    Yes I felt that he was possibly playing the victim but in the back of my head I'm thinking "what if he's reaching out and we reject him and he hurts himself/ends his life" you'd never forgive yourself. But DF has not responded to his message. He needs time to realise what's happening. Over and over he just repeats "my family is falling apart". MIL is being strong and is actually doing amazing considering what's happening. We have suggested to her to stay with her other son who lives in QLD for a week or so just in case FIL comes back who knows what he will do. We only live down the road from them so thought it pointless. Anyway she wants to be on her own tonight to make sense of it all and she has refused to stay with other BIL as she "has a lot on this week" referring to doctors appointments, social events etc.
    hopefully things will be clearer in the morning.

    Quote Originally Posted by BbBbBh View Post
    I don't have anything to offer but hugs and the obvious suggestion that at a time like this do more listening than talking.
    You are absolutely right that sounds like the best way to go

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to azelqra For This Useful Post:

    heplusme  (26-12-2014)

  6. #5
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    Wow what a situation. Some great advice already offered. How's it all going OP?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Serenity Love View Post
    Wow what a situation. Some great advice already offered. How's it all going OP?
    Well things have settled down now the initial shock is gone.
    Divorce case is going ahead, house is being sold, MIL is taking it very well, FIL is still not taking responsibility and it blaming it on his step granddaughter saying she was flirty etc etc.
    DF is handling it pretty well too actually.


    Thank you for asking

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    Serenity Love  (08-03-2015)

  9. #7
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    What a tough situation to be in, for everyone. Big Big I'm glad things have settled down, and I hope everyone is ok and can move on with their lives sooner rather than later.


 

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