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  1. #1
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    Default Bil is driving me nuts! What can I do?

    My bil is driving me nuts! Its petty but so frustrating & im not sure what to do about it.

    All family members, including bil, love ds & im so grateful for that. Bil knows nothing about babies, ds is the first baby he has ever been around.

    Literally every time we see him, when either dh or I are trying to settle ds he always has to come in half way through, not sure if he thinks he can help, or just wants to keep interacting with ds, no idea why but its literally every time. Im getting seriously frustrated by it, like today - ds had done really well opening presents etc so he would have been very overstimulated. I took him into a quiet dark room & gave him a good feed & then spent some time sitting & cuddling him, shhing quietly etc. Ds didnt cry & was really starting to settle. This was a huge thing for me as I can rarely get him to settle on a regular day (when hes not overstimulated etc). I then put him down in the portacot awake & sat there stroking his forehead. No crying, no winging & he was falling asleep. Next thing I know he's wide awake being silly etc & I look up to see bil in the doorway doing big exaggerated smiley faces at him. I was so close to getting him down in a portacot by myself . I just glared at bil, picked ds up (as he was wide awake then) & sat down on the bed with him - bil then walked into the room, sat down next to me & started interracting with ds. I said 'well he's wide awake now so do you want to settle him?' Bil said 'do I want to settle him? (as in 'why would I want to do that?' tone of voice). Neither dh or I could get ds down after that so we gave up & ended up leaving a short time later. Now hes really overtired & overstimulated so this evening wont be fun.

    Thats just today's example. Last night we were out & dh & i took ds into another room to feed & settle (dh came too to help me set up a feeding space etc as it was someone elses house). I was just getting ready to feed & dh was holding ds (luckily id unclipped my bra but hadnt pulked my top up yet & bil just walked in. I said 'umm im about to feed him' & he still didnt leave for ages, started playing with ds etc. Dh had to tell him to leave.

    Its not just me, he does it to dh too. Sometimes dh goes to settle ds & I dont even need to go, & then a few minutes later bil gets up & goes. Dh has tried to talk to him but he just doesnt get it. I get that he wants to play with ds but ds cant just stay awake & play all day, he needs to sleep. We have enough dramas with sleep & getting ds to settle anyway, he is never going to go to sleep if someone is interracting with him.

    Bil knows nothing about babies at all so id rather not just leave him by himself to settle ds cause ds will probably just become hysterical. But no idea what else to do.

  2. #2
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    You really have to start speaking up for yourself. If I was trying to settle bub someone wouldn't get more than 3 seconds of interfering time before I would have them out the door. A simple "I'm trying to settle bub, I will catch you later." Should suffice. If your BIL doesn't get that hint then say "hey can you leave I am trying to settle bub."

    With your bil's history I would probably be proactive. When you are about to leave to try and settle bub say "I'm just going to settle bub in XYZ room. He's a bit wired so no visitors please!".

    Your BIL might just be daft. I doubt he would be causing you trouble on purpose. Regardless you need to speak up much quicker than what you/DH have been.

    - I hope bub settles tonight for you!

    Merry Christmas!

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    Ive tried the speaking up for myself thing before with dh's family. All it did was cause a massive conflict.

    However I will be more proactive, from now on ill announce loudly that im going to feed & settle so then he cant say he didn't know.

    I dont think he's doing it on purpose, I just think he doesnt understand that ds needs to wind down before he goes to sleep so people looking in, interacting etc is not going to help. I guess dh will just have to try & explain it yet again...

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    Honestly i think thats the best idea, i know i never really knew babies could be overstimulated before i joined this forum not having much to do with bubbas in the past...maybe suggest its his job next time you get together so he can see how hard it is! Good luck tonight

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    Default Bil is driving me nuts! What can I do?

    Talk to your DH about it and make sure you're both on the same page and ask your DH to speak up when it's his family.
    Not now BIL we're trying to settle him
    Hey BIL DS is feeding. Give us some space. Cheers

    The focus on the "we" part of the sentence. It shows you're in agreement.

    My family are the same. They don't get babies. It's not malicious. They just don't get it. So you have to tell them. If you can't because of conflict, your DH needs to.
    Last edited by TheGooch; 25-12-2014 at 21:21.

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    Quote Originally Posted by heartstringz View Post
    However I will be more proactive, from now on ill announce loudly that im going to feed & settle so then he cant say he didn't know.
    It doesn't sound like he will hear you say that and understand the implied 'do not disturb'. I would make sure to add on "so can no one come in please?".

    DH's mate had a girlfriend like this. She was so overenthusiastic with loud gushing over my first and would be tickling her cheeks while I was trying to feed, so DD would rip off my boob to look! She did not get any subtlety and I had to almost lock her out of the room if I wanted my hyper-DD to be in any way calm.

    Good luck, it's hard when it isn't your family or friends and you can't be as direct. I know DH got more than one "she's being precious" comment about me but you know what, eff them, they don't have to put up with the next hours/days that result.

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    I agree with PP. You simply need to announce the rules. Spell them out.

    Honestly that is what I do with my friends who have no ideas about babies.

    You can't be upset with your BIL if you haven't told him what to do/not to do.

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    Ill tell him overtly & obviously & go from there. Dh has also said he will talk to him so hopefully he listens this time


 

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