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  1. #1
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    Default I need help 'dealing' with SIL

    My brother has been with my SIL for almost ten years. They have two kids together and are getting married in the new year.

    I have tried to have a good relationship with her, but I think I'm done trying.

    The weekend was the final straw.

    My brother and SIL don't want a lot a junk cluttering up their house. Fair enough, so I wracked my brains for Christmas presents that weren't a physical object. Luckily, the local theatre group was putting on a Sleeping Beauty play for Christmas. I called my SIL, told her about the play, said I wanted to buy tickets for her kids and my DD for Christmas and asked if I should buy her a ticket too. She thought it was a great idea, and I asked which of the dates/times would suit her. We agreed on a time and I bought tickets.

    Fast forward to the day of the play and my brother called my two hours before the play is due to start to say that SIL is feeling sick and isn't coming. I was really angry and shouted at him that it was all I'd bought his kids for Christmas. He said he'd take the afternoon off work and bring my nieces.

    I can't even give my SIL the benefit of the doubt that she was actually sick. Every time there is a family gathering for 'our family', my SIL get sick and doesn't come. My dd has had three birthday parties and my SIL has not come to any of them.

    I'm really hurt and angry that she's not making any effort for her in-law side of the family. My brother and I are really close, we hang out together and our kids absolutely love each other. I feel like it's not my place to say anything about SIL but it's getting harder to hold my tongue.

    Do I say something to her? To my brother? Or do I just stop making effort with her?

  2. #2
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    Deleted.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Last edited by Cicho; 23-12-2014 at 18:28.

  3. #3
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    If your brother and neices are going then that should be ok?
    I get that it would be nice if she made more of an effort so I can see why you would be offended. However in some cases in laws just don't get along so I wouldn't push it.

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    Maybe she suffers from anxiety and panic attacks. Sufferers of that usually use the "I'm sick" excuse when it comes to going to functions and outings. Maybe it's just a coincidence that she is sick every time you organise something. You might have omitted information, but you haven't said anything about her being nasty to you. I would give her the benefit of the doubt.

  5. #5
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    If your bother is going to take the girls to the play what is the problem?
    I wouldn't say anything because in the end you are going to be the one to lose out.

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    Are you under stress at the moment? I think you were out of line with your brother . If you snap like that often your SIL was probably chucking a sickie to avoid you.

    Perhaps apologise to your brother and you might still have a good Christmas.

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  9. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by gizmoduckus View Post
    Maybe she suffers from anxiety and panic attacks. Sufferers of that usually use the "I'm sick" excuse when it comes to going to functions and outings. Maybe it's just a coincidence that she is sick every time you organise something. You might have omitted information, but you haven't said anything about her being nasty to you. I would give her the benefit of the doubt.
    This is what I was thinking too.

    If your brother took the kids in her place then I think that's fine, atleast the kids got to go and didn't miss out.

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    Im trying not to be rude - and I certainly understand the annoyance of wasting money but if your brother was bringing the kids, it really shouldn't make too much of a difference.

    You really dont know what is going on, as pp's mentioned she may have anxiety or she may have some chronic pain she has not mentioned. My family had this bad sunis infection that came and went over the course of four months and during that time I had to cancel alot and multiple times on people.

    She doesnt sound as though she is nasty (that you mentioned) and she is clearly not keeping your brother or nieces away from you. Maybe just try to keep things cordial and try to brush off if she cant/wont make it.

    Try not to shout at your brother....it really isnt his fault. Hope you guys had fun!!!

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    My brother and his wife are exactly the same I feel for you! It's one thing after the other.

    I've officially walked away from my brother for now. Don't need that drama in my life.

  12. #10
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    If your SIL always avoids family gatherings, stop inviting her or expecting her to show up.
    You're only wasting your money and your time it would seem.
    She may have legitimately been unwell. Who knows. Money wasn't wasted. Kids went and you got to hang out with your brother. Yay!
    You and SIL have different expectations about the role of family in your lives I think.
    Try not to yell at your brother. Regardless of your intention, it may be taken as you wanting him to take sides. In that battle, you will lose.


 

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