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  1. #1
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    Default Would you feel uncomfortable?

    This probably is nothing and probably is just me thinking too much, but like to know your thoughts.

    SIL has 5 lovely kids and the youngest boy is 11 years old.
    SIL sometimes baby sits for us. DS 3.5 years, DD 2 years.
    Today we went to their house for lunch and I have noticed the whole time we were there the boy wanted DD to sit on him. Then he would hug her and kiss her non stop. He wasn't playing with her, but just wants her to sit on him and give him hugs. When she tries to get off or when she's not on him he would try to pull her back and would ask her to go to him for hugs the WHOLE time!
    I felt extremely uncomfortable about it and have asked DD to come to me whenever I can and told him to not get too close because she's not feeling well.
    I don't know if I am overreacting or being silly, and I don't want to offend anyone.
    He's always been a little odd, there's something about him I just can't put to words. I have always felt a bit uncomfortable when he's around DS and DD. He was still toilet training at 9 years old!
    But I have always brushed off what ever feelings I had for him because I think it's all just me being silly. He's only a child!
    But today made me extremely uncomfortable and I don't want my kids going there ever again.
    Am I overreacting?

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    In the absence of proof that you are wrong err on the side of caution. No babysitting only visits when you are there. Perhaps it's time to introduce those 'my personal space' type books to your toddler?

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    Quote Originally Posted by btmac View Post
    You know what I wasn't there so I don't know. BUT I am a firm believer in going with your gut when it comes to your children. If someone - regardless of who or how old - left me with a bad feeling in relation to their behaviour with my child I would act accordingly.

    I hope that makes sense. Hugs what a tough situation.
    This.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    In the absence of proof that you are wrong err on the side of caution. No babysitting only visits when you are there. Perhaps it's time to introduce those 'my personal space' type books to your toddler?
    This too!

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    bunkx is offline Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections
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    Imo I would find that odd and I'm a firm believer in trusting those feelings we get.

    As suggested those books my be a great way to start teaching your girls what's ok and what's not

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    Yeah I have been talking to DS a lot about personal space and what's not ok, he's getting it.
    DD still doesn't understand much of anything.

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    I think it's a bit wierd too . Have you tried to discuss it with your SIL?

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    No I haven't talked to SIL about it. It's such a sensitive topic and I hate to offend anyone. I have spoken to DH and he doesn't like it either.
    I think I will let it go for now and make sure no more babysitting from now on. And just watch closely. We will have Christmas lunch together so another good opportunity to observe.

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    I would def watch closely. And don't let your dd out of sight. How terrible it would be if your hunch turns out correct.

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    This might be totally off track but do you know if he is on the spectrum? My mother was dating a man whos DS was Autistic, and at 11 he rubbed my leg, it was uncomfortable. He got in trouble for touching a girl on the bus this way too...its like he didnt quite get personal space and that was his way to get interaction. He lacked social skills etc. If he is, then this 'tick' needs to be managed by his parents, as it could escalate...
    I only thought of this as you said he is generally a bit 'wierd' and i always felt that way about his DSs behaviour all round, not just the touchy thing.

    Trust your gut, i dont think you could ever be too careful. Especially when the internet is sexualising everything kids and teens see as soon as they have alone time on an ipad etc.

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