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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by redlipsandpearls View Post
    Does it matter though? It's her life and her baby, she's specified that she's not asking for advice, just embracing her not so good sleeper. There really isn't anything wrong with that. If anything, it's great that the OP has come to a decision and is content with it. A thread like this may even help a mum struggling with a run of broken sleep to look at it from a different perspective and find peace instead of trying to fit the mould.
    You've just done a much more eloquent job of stating what I was trying to get across and why I felt the need to share. Thank you :-) I sometimes feel like our society is obsessed with how babies sleep. It's often the first question people ask "how does she sleep?" And I think that was causing me to obsess and feel like I should be able to make her sleep better. Within my parenting philosophy, I can't at this point. At 4am this morning I came to a point where I'm okay with that. There's so much more to my beautiful little 5 month old than how she sleeps. She's bright and bubbly. She's an excellent feeder. She's incredibly engaged with the world. Yes she wakes 3 hourly and needs help to go back to sleep but that's just a tiny piece of the puzzle that is Miss Moo.

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I get what you are saying and yes if the OP is OK with having a night waker then of course that's ok. If the OPs parenting style is not in line with things that can help a bub sleep through then that's ok too.

    A thread like this could help a new mother... However it can also do damage ... By stopping a new mum from seeking help... By encouraging a new mum to accept that her bub won't sleep through when unless medical issues are involved this is rarely the case. That's why I thought it important to speak up. I wasn't trying to be nasty to the OP sorry if it came accross that way. I've said my piece I will bow out now.
    VP I didn't take anything you said to be nasty. I certainly wouldn't want my thread to be interpreted as discouraging struggling mums from seeking help. I tried to be very careful with my wording to ensure i conveyed this is MY experience and that I personally am choosing to focus on being okay with dd's sleep pattern. I see a lot of threads on bubhub about what you can try to lessen night waking and that's great but I thought, for mums who had found these things didn't work or weren't comfortable trying them, maybe my thread might offer a different perspective.

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  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by redlipsandpearls View Post
    Oh VP, it is NOT going to do damage.
    Reassuring a mum that it's perfectly fine to accept that her baby may not sleep through and there are other mums in the same situation is NEVER going to do damage. Far from it! It's the perfect opportunity for a thread where mums can have a vent about their crappy sleep, laugh it off and get ready for what the next day has in store.
    We will have to agree to disagree. Being sleep deprived can lead to a whole raft of problems ... Teribble accidents...Depression... Anxiety...Bonding problems..Infanticide... Telling a sleep deprived mother that there is nothing that can be done to help her is inaccurate and *can* be harmful. That is my opinion and meaning no disrespect to the OP I stand by it.
    Last edited by VicPark; 20-12-2014 at 09:19.

  4. #23
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    Where is the evidence that states EVERY six month old baby without medical problems is capable of sleeping through? That's a wildly generalising statement to make from someone who isn't a medical/infant professional. Sleeping through the night is a developmental milestone. That's like saying ALL children should be crawling at exactly X months, walking at exactly X months, talking at exactly X months- it's wrong, and guess what? Throwing out statements like that is damaging to new mothers.

    OP, I struggled with my DS1's 2-3 hour night waking until he self-weaned one day at 15 months and slept 12 hours that night. I wish so much I could back in time and tell myself to let go and enjoy. My DS2 is 3 months and still night waking and I'm adjusting my life around him.

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  6. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    We will have to agree to disagree. Being sleep deprived can lead to a whole raft of problems ... Teribble accidents...Depression... Anxiety...Bonding problems..Infanticide... Telling a sleep deprived mother that there is nothing that can be done to help her is inaccurate and *can* be harmful. That is my opinion and meaning no disrespect to the OP I stand by it.
    o.O

    Why can't you accept that there are actually people that are perfectly okay with babies that wake during the night? Coming from a person that has been fortunate enough to have two babies sleeping through from an early age, I think your above comments are bordering on scare mongering.

  7. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by redlipsandpearls View Post
    o.O

    Why can't you accept that there are actually people that are perfectly okay with babies that wake during the night? Coming from a person that has been fortunate enough to have two babies sleeping through from an early age, I think your above comments are bordering on scare mongering.
    It sounds like there has been a misunderstanding... I do accept that some parents are ok with older babies waking at night... It's the "just accept that some Babies just don't sleep through and stop trying to fix it" advice that I find concerning.

    Fortune had nothing at all to do with both my babies sleeping through ... If I was more sensitive I would be a little offended by that flippant comment.
    - Both my boys are different and had different journeys that led them to sleeping through. Research, research, research...trying new things... routine, nipping each new anomaly in the bud before it became a big problem... Plain hard work ...was they key.

    I am more than happy to step out if this thread however if people quote my posts asking questions or throwing around terms like BS and scaremongering then I will respond.

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    Nice thread OP - maybe we can keep it that way hey?

    Accepting that my baby was not a sleeper and that that was normal for her, was the best thing I ever did as a parent. Fighting her and trying to fit her into a mould that she was never going to fit into hugely contributed to my anxiety and PND and once I let go things were better.

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  10. #27
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    Default She's not a "good" sleeper (vent)

    Thanks everyone for sharing your stories of your less than perfect sleepers. I'm half tempted to start a light hearted spin off thread focusing on some of the good points our little night owls or frequent wakers.

    For example, dd isn't a perfect sleeper but she greets me every morning with a giant smile that makes my day.

    I really do feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders by just accepting our current normal and having you all reassure me this version of normal is normal for others as well has made it even better!
    Last edited by BettyV; 20-12-2014 at 11:36.

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  12. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by BettyV View Post
    You've just done a much more eloquent job of stating what I was trying to get across and why I felt the need to share. Thank you :-) I sometimes feel like our society is obsessed with how babies sleep. It's often the first question people ask "how does she sleep?" And I think that was causing me to obsess and feel like I should be able to make her sleep better.
    Thank you for saying this. I agree completely. Only last night I was venting to DH and my mum about how many people ask me before anything else "Is he a good baby? Does he sleep through?" Yes he's a good baby, no he doesn't sleep through. Is he not a good baby if he doesn't sleep through? How about people ask something else for a change. I'm SO tired of only ever being asked this question, both by family/friends and strangers. Why is everyone so obsessed with babies and their sleep? The more I've thought about it recently the more annoyed I get!! Honestly I think people have unrealistic expectations on babies sleep and the mountains of books on getting them to sleep through by x weeks just perpetuates it. Annoys me no end. Would I like it if he slept through? Yes, everyone likes more sleep! But I'm not going to get my knickers in a knot if he doesn't.

    So for a good point - his 2.30am sleepy smiles and cuddles melt my heart
    Last edited by Pearlygirl; 20-12-2014 at 12:06.

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  14. #29
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    I'm on my way to a family Christmas function and I'm dreading the sleep questions, which I'm sure ill be asked. @Pearlygirl I agree- can't we just let babies be babies? Why is everyone so obsessed with "fixing" them? My children will sleep, walk, talk, and run when they are ready to.

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    Default She's not a "good" sleeper (vent)

    Ah, OP. I spent the first 8 months of DD's life obsessing over her sleep. I threw out the sleep books at that point in time; their suggestions didn't work for DD or didn't fit with my parenting priorities and were causing me considerable anxiety. She still isn't much of a sleeper at 22 months, but we have embraced our '24 hour parenting'. Yes, we are tired, and we can't wait to have more sleep, but we also know that that day will eventually come. We are happily cosleeping until she is cognitively and emotionally ready to transition to independent sleeping using positive strategies, without distress. It's more of a priority at this time that she feel safe and builds trust in us, and if I'm honest, we're also too tired to keep fighting! We all sleep better when we snuggle! And I agree, it is beautiful to wake up with DD, and this time is fleeting. We have a very independent DD who very soon will want to sleep on her own. I definitely won't look back on these years and regret not leaving her to cry at night, I can tell you!!

    It was such a weight off our shoulders to accept this as part of our parenting role.
    Last edited by ABigDeepBreath; 20-12-2014 at 13:40.

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