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  1. #1
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    Default Pregnant & how to tell friend who has fertility issues :(

    Hi,
    I'm really stressed! About 3 weeks ago, I found out that I am pregnant. Being on the pill and with no real 'signs' we were very shocked. We are very excited and happy but the thing is, I have a good friend that has been struggling to conceive for some time. I feel sick at the thought of almost throwing the fact that I fell pregnant while she is longing for her own beautiful baby. I want to share our happiness with her, but I don't know how and I can't just avoid her for 6 months and turn up with a baby and say "hey, I had a baby". Help please, anyone?

  2. #2
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    Yeah this is a tough one. I have been that friend with fertility issues. My best advice is don't say anything about how you weren't trying and how it was a surprise. The last thing she will want to hear is about how effortless it was. Calmly say that it wasn't planned and that you are sensitive to her feelings but of course had to tell her at some point etc. whilst it'll be hard for her I think it's better she knows. Be prepared for her to possibly back away from the friendship for a while. This might not happen but could very well happen. It's not personal, it would just be a coping strategy for her that's all. I wish you all the best

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  4. #3
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    I think tell her but don't mention that you were on the pill and it was a surprise..I think that would be a little dagger to someone who is struggling. If she is a real friend she will be happy for you but also hurt for herself. If she has been open to you with her issues maybe just say something like you know she is still trying and you wish with all you have that she will be pregnant soon.

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    Amgine  (19-12-2014)

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    Congratulations!
    I too have been that friend and honestly I don't think there is a good way. I would just tell her and like little dove said don't point out how easy it was. Just give her time to process it. She will be happy for you it will just take some time to process. Good luck

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    I have been that friend. Sure everytime I was told it did hurt but at the same time I was incredibly happy for them as they were my friend and I want them to be happy.
    I just wouldnt mention that it was a surprise while you were on the pill or anything

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    Congratulations :-) I have been that friend too. I'd agree with mushy's suggestion to tell her on the phone. It can be a bit of a shock & if it's on the phone it will give her the chance to have a little private meltdown, process it & then when you meet up again face-to-face it should be a lot easier. It's complex because she will be overjoyed for you but upset for herself but I believe from my experience that she'd be devastated if her feelings had any negative impact on your happiness. Good luck.

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    Yep, I've been that friend too. Number one - you need to tell her ASAP, the worst was people keeping things from me because they were worried how I would react.
    I agree with telling her on the phone so she can go have a cry or whatever she needs to do in private. Do not under any circumstances tell her in public or at work! I have been there & had to try holding it together until I could escape!
    You sound like a very caring friend, good on you for being so sensitive to your friend's problems and congratulations on your pregnancy.

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    I've been that friend too.

    I always prefer a text so I have time to get my emotions under control before having to respond and tell her before you do a "big" FB type announcement for everyone.

    It's kind of you to think of her so many people are so insensitive to infertility struggles

    I would also refrain from mentioning you were on the pill etc unless she specifically asks

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    Amgine  (19-12-2014)

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    Congrats on your pregnancy! I have also been that friend. One of my lovely friends fell pregnant very quick and knew of my struggles. She sent me a really lovely text message. Can't remember the exact words but along the lines of 'I just wanted to let you know that I am pregnant. I know this news may be tough for you to take at the moment but I wanted to tell you first before you found out from others and to give you some time to process the news before I see you next. I know your time will come .... Etc etc"
    I really appreciated the forewarning in a non confronting way xx

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    Amgine  (19-12-2014)

  18. #10
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    Default Pregnant & how to tell friend who has fertility issues :(

    I've also been "that person" and agree with the other posters - tell her sooner than later, on the phone, don't mention it was accident/mistake/not trying unless she specifically asks and be prepared for her to back off the friendship for a while (nothing personal).

    Telling her that you know she is trying, you understand this must be very difficult for her and that if she needs some space, your friendship will be waiting for her when she is ready are all "good" things to put out there.

    On behalf of people struggling with infertility, thanks for being sensitive. So many people are not.

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    Amgine  (19-12-2014),LittleDove  (19-12-2014)


 

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