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  1. #1
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    Default Step son smoking pot

    I don't know what to do. DH son smokes pot, he know we know, doesn't care and now is doing on the porch. When I expressed my dislike, DH says if I tell him not to do it he will anyway and we were young once. Everyone in his family has or still smokes and we are talking ppl into their 60's, except DH, he quit smoking cigarettes and pot before me. His son stopped going to college for a degree and switch to part time nights, doesn't work, doesn't do a thing to help. In past relationships I've learned that when you are honest about your feelings about children, all hell breaks loose and relationships ended. I don't know what to do. Any advise would be appreciated.

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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    wow. how old is your stepson? is he living under your roof? if he is old enough to drop out of uni, i guess he is old enough to be working some where. i would be cross about him sponging off you and your dh. that would be the biggest issue for me. smoking pot is just plain stupid and i would be cross about that too. where is he getting money for the pot? i would be very tempted to call the police. do you have younger children around. ? do you think your relationship with your dh will be broken if you make too much fuss but this problem ?? i dont think i could tolerate this. marie.

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    I feel your pain My step daughter was using ice. Maybe not at home but that didn't mean her coming home high, her bad attitude and everything that comes with it didn't create a lot of angst. She had zero regard for house rules and was uncooperative with every form of help we tried to get her so one day when dh was at work and she started on me i just threw her out of the house. Years of opportunity to try harder and she didn't take it. Fortunately dh was very supportive. I love him dearly but won't raise our child around that so basically said she goes or i live elsewhere. Sounds like he is old enough to take his habit somewhere else? Lay the facts on the table with dh about the effects of substance abuse and how you feel about it. It sounds like with his family background he finds it normal? You have a right feel comfortable in your own home. Might be different if this kid was a minor but doesn't like he is. I really hope your dh takes it on board xo

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    I know I couldn't tolerate this at all.. we have a definite "no drugs" policy at our house. We also don't take our kids to peoples houses who smoke pot in their house, DD who is 4 months old hasnt met her grandfather for this reason. He won't come to our house because he doesn't like me for taking such a strong stand. Its your house, your rules if he doesn't like it bad luck.. im the same with my DSD. Although she is only 10. She knows there are things she is allowed to do at home however when she isn't allowed.. eg: you can't see the floor in her room at home, here her room is tidied everyday, bed made, clothes put away properly.
    I would be banning it.

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    If he's so brazen to smoke pot on the porch...then call the cops on him! (it could easily be a neighbour dobbing him in)

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    Quote Originally Posted by ozeymumof5 View Post
    If he's so brazen to smoke pot on the porch...then call the cops on him! (it could easily be a neighbour dobbing him in)
    I agree, it could be enough to give him the wake up call he needs.

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    Not my personal experience but that of our neighbour. Our neighbour works with recovering drug addicts and has seen first hand the devastation that drug use wreaks on people's lives and families. His 19yo son was smoking pot all the time and dropped out of uni. He took a pretty hard stance and gave him an ultimatum - get a job or go back to uni and stop smoking pot around his home, or he could get out. The son refused at first and left home but found it too hard out on his own so he eventually cleaned up his act, gave up and got a job. He's going back to uni again next year.

    It's your house and your rules. I wouldn't stand for it particularly if you have other younger children who are impressionable.

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    Forgot to say, the people who lived next door a few years ago used to smoke pot. I called the cops and they turned up and had a word to him about. The building manager also found out about it (not from me) and as he was renting he ended up not having his lease renewed.

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    Stand up to your hubby. Tell him no taking illegal drugs in your house. No negotiations. If he doesn't sort his son out you will be forced to make it a police matter.

    It sounds hard but when you think about it it's quite easy.

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    Being that he is doing it at home, I'm assuming alone, it's not just a social/peer pressure thing. Before you go demanding he clean up his act or get out, try and find out why he doing it? If he is being so open about smoking at home, maybe it's a call for help. If he is trying to escape from/deal with something, then you will need to treat the underlying issues as well as treating the drug taking. Nip it now before he feels he need something 'stronger' to cope with his feeling/problems.
    I would start with a drug and alcohol counselling, who may also refer him to another more general counsellor to work in line together on the why and the addiction.


 

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