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    Default Not coping

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    Last edited by BippityBoppityBoo; 19-12-2014 at 12:58.

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    Massive hugs. I'm not sure that I have any advice but couldn't read this without posting some support. I can certainly understand why you aren't happy about DH going out with these colleagues and given his history I would have expected him to skip the drinks part and come home. Is he not willing to compromise that part?

    I'm sorry your struggling through when you should be excited. That's really sucky. I'm glad you have some appointments coming up though. Stay strong op and we are always here to listen. Xxx

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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    im so sorry to read this. what a hard time you are having. have you explained to dh why you need him to be more support for you when you are feeling so bad with your depression and anxiety. I think he needs to understand more about these conditions. it seems to me that he has only given 'lip service' to what is a really serious matter. hugs, and please don't hesitate to use us to vent or whatever. Marie.

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    Default Not coping

    I've tried to explain to him my concerns but he doesn't understand. He doesn't understand how anxiety works and how I over think everything. He doesn't understand that after a couple of years since the incident that I still struggle with it.

    He works hard and he does deserve to let his hair down so to speak. I feel kind of guilty to be ranting about it all, but I honestly cannot help the way I feel.

    I've been stuck at home raising our first born for the first three years and now we have another on the way. I love being a sahm mum but I also miss that adult interaction. He does soooooo much more than me social wise and does a lot more activities than me. I honestly don't ask for much though. I just want him home at a decent hour of the evening so we can actually have family dinners together and spend some quality time together. I feel like his priorities lie elsewhere, as in his work and reputation.

    I know I'm probably making him sound like a bad guy but he's not really. He's a hard worker, fantastic father and wonderful husband, but he needs to work on his work/life balance. Plus I need him to understand my anxiety and needs. If he can make some small sacrifices for me and be there for me I'd be much more mentally sound I think.
    Last edited by BippityBoppityBoo; 19-12-2014 at 12:58.

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    You shouldn't feel bad about having a vent about what is upsetting you. You matter! Does he just not get what depression and anxiety do to someone or is he just taking your situation as seriously as he needs to be?

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    So sorry to be reading this. Surely he should be able to see why his being out with them makes you anxious. My mum had anxiety problems while pregnant and my dh suffers with anxiety and depression. My advice to you is to organize your day into small intervals. When you get up at the start of the day, write down what is going to happen that day. If you can handle thinking about getting through the next 5 minutes, then take your day in 5 minute pieces. If you can handle half an hour, then plan ahead half an hour. Only you know what you can cope with. Try to occupy your thoughts with things that make you feel relaxed. I know it's easier said than done, but find something you do have control over, and excel at it. Try to focus on this rather than worrying about the things you can't control. If leaving the house is one of your anxiety triggers, then practise. Each day, do a short trip out of the house. Lengthen it slightly each day until you are able to cope with longer trips out.

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    Great advice jussi. I get so worked up by all the things I need to do that I end up just curling up in a ball on the lounge with no motivation and getting more anxious. I just managed to make myself some lunch which took a lot of effort.

    DH does take my anxiety and depression seriously, but he just doesn't understand how it really affects me. He thinks he can talk things through with me, tell me to think positively and all will be well. He is terrified of the thought of me having to go on meds so I think that's why he kind of brushes it all off and hopes I'll just "get over it".

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    hugs x my DH is on meds, and really, if it needs to go that way, it's not all bad. Better to be on an even keel than always anxious or depressed. TBH our marriage has been so much better when DH is on meds, trying to deal with depression and anxiety without meds takes its toll not only on the person suffering, but also on the relationships within the family. All the advice i just gave you has either come from my mum and are strategies she used herself, or are from my experience with DH. FWIW the first time DH had mental health problems after we got married, I didn't get it either. The second time round I was better equipped to deal with it and help him through. In that regard the best you can do is keep him informed how you are feeling and where you're at. As the spouse of someone who suffers, I can tell you that feelings are not always visible on the outside, and it can be really difficult to know what the right thing to do is without being explicitly told where the other person sits mentally and emotionally in any given moment.


 

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