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  1. #1
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    Default In law funeral etiquette?

    My DHs grandfather has passed away overseas where he lives. I've asked DH if he would like DD 2 years old and I to fly over with him to the funeral and he's said no we don't have to. I don't know if he really doesn't want us to go or maybe he's concerned the flights for all of us will cost too much; maybe he just wants to spend time with people who knew his grandfather. I'm not sure what the etiquette is, obviously we would attend the funeral if he lived close by. Should I insist on going with DH; will his family be offended if I don't go? What would you do?

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    Sorry for your family's loss.

    I think the expectation for you to attend would be greatly lowered by the funeral being overseas, and the fact that you have a toddler. If I were the family I wouldn't expect you to be there and certainly wouldn't be offended if you decided it wasn't practical to attend. I'm a big believer that the more important time to spend with someone is whilst they're alive.. even my sister didn't fly home from the US for my dad's funeral when he passed away (we set up a video link).

    You can pay your respects in other ways, send flowers etc.

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    I would ask my husband straight up. Let him know if he wants to think about it. I wouldn't care what other people think should happen.

    Sorry for your husband's loss.

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    I didn't go to my own grandmothers funeral, neither did a lot of my cousins. Pop was fine with that decision and actually told mum to tell me I didn't have to. I would have had to fly with 2 small boys after driving 4 hours to the airport.

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    Thank you for the replies. I've asked him again, he says he's fine with it if I'd rather not go with DD so I will stay here and think of another way to support/ sympathies with his family.

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    I certainly wouldn't expect you or your daughter to attend.

    Both of my dad's parents lived in the UK, and I didn't attend their funerals. My dad didn't go for my granddad's funeral, as he'd visited him just before he died. He went for his mum's funeral as she died unexpectedly.

    I would have loved to go, but it was just too expensive for people I didn't know very well.

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    sorry for your loss


    I would not take a 2 yr old overseas for a funeral. it will only make it harder on the family ... harder on your DH and hard for you.



 

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