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  1. #1
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    Default My perfect life turned upside down

    I'm absolutely devestated, I need to know that things will get easier. My husband and I have a beautiful 14 month old daughter conceived through ICSI as we both have fertility problems (I have hypothyroidism and on 200mcg thyroxine at the moment as it is all over the place and was on metformin for PCOS For years but was told to stop it after my daughter was born). I know that having a baby can kickstart your own fertility, so after she was born we tried naturally. I was still breastfeeding and two weeks after her first birthday I felt very uncomfortable and thought I may be ovulating (this rarely happened in my life and I still had not had my period return). I was right, and two weeks later after serial testing, I was pregnant! All my HCGs and progesterones were perfect. Had a 7 week scan which was perfect. I went for a routine Ob appt Thursday and there was no heartbeat 😢 absolutely gutted we were booked in for fri arvo for a D&C after I demanded a formal ultrasound as I was still so sick and had no symptoms that i was miscarry ing. My worst fears were confirmed and I had the procedure. I was released yesterday and can't stop crying. The baby was sent for testing but I'm sure we will never know. I have been started back on metformin and will book into an endocrinologist asap. I had our entire year planned around this baby, it was a natural conception, it was due during the best time of the year (16th July) as my husband is a farmer (when my daughter was born I only had him to help for two days (I had a CS) and we didn't see him or anyone for weeks) and I was giving up a job that I hate for good when I went on leave to become a mother and homemaker until the kids were big enough to go to school. I'm so angry, heartbroken and just want to curl up and die. I know I'm so lucky to have a beautiful little girl and loving husband. I know without them I wouldn't cope at all, but I just feel like I'm drowning in emotions! I don't want things to go back to normal cause they aren't normal! I just want to rewind two weeks and nothing to change. I was so sick this pregnancy and had been struggling. All for what?! A broken heart. I know there are so many out there who've lost many babies or babies further along the way but this is how I feel and I can't help that. How long does it take to feel human again?? I just hope I fall pregnant again this cycle, I know it will help but I will be so disheartened each day when it doesn't happen. Tell me I'm not a lost cause.

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    Oh darling, I couldn't read and not reply. I am so sorry for loss and you are most certainly not a lost cause, far from it. Sending you lots of hugs at this tough time.

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    Bindy, I'm so sorry to hear, hugs. I too know the pain too well & went through something very similar in 2012. We had been ttc for just on 2 yrs, got pregnant naturally & then had a missed miscarriage. I had no signs of it happening either.

    All I can say is be gentle on yourself & allow yourself time to grieve. I know I needed to cry for a long time afterwards. I was a wreck & took about a week off work.

    If you need to talk or vent, make sure you do it. I found bub hub great for that after I had received some fairly insensitive comments from friends/family about it all.

    I'm so sorry, I know there's nothing that anyone can say to make it any better for you. I really wish there was! Just be kind to yourself & allow yourself to do whatever you need to grieve the loss you've experienced.

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    TheGooch is offline Winner 2014 - Newbie of the Year
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    I'm so very sorry. What heartbreaking news.
    I nothing that can be said will really offer comfort but I'll echo a pp who said be kind and gentle to yourself.
    Take care of yourself and your DH and DD however you need.

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    The way you are feeling is normal, and you definitely aren't a lost cause.

    I know looking at the positives seems impossible now - but you know now you can fall pregnant naturally and you can carry to term.

    Grieve for your angel bub, grieve for the plans that you made and take care of yourself anyway you need to x

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    BH-KatiesMum is offline Community Manager
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    Thankyou for your kind words and support. I wish I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
    I managed to get an endocrinologist to skype me (I'm very isolated) this afternoon so fingers crossed we get some sort of management plan. I don't know if I could live with with myself if it happened twice. God I hope this gets easier, I can't even say out loud what has happened.

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    I am so very sorry to read your post...My heart breaks for you and i know how devestating it is from my 7 losses....

    Please know its not your fault and how you are feeling is very normal... please get some counselling, talking to someone will help..

    please know you are not a lost cause.. nothing you did caused this..

    i am a pm away if you need to chat

    many hugs to you and your family

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    Thankyou Louise, I'm so sorry that you have suffered through losing 7 babies! I cannot imagine...
    I just had my skype consult and he said my tests in 2012 came back with off the chart thyroid antibody screens which he said I have hashimotos disease but no one ever told me that. He also mentioned something about a viper venom test to do with clotting coming back high. Can anyone shed light on this? I'm just to stay on metformin and thyroxine and he is testing for lupus?? I think I'm more frightened now!

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    Is the clotting to do with Hughes syndrome did they say?


 

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