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  1. #1
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    Default Help with 3 year old son

    So my ds is a quiet beautiful gentle soul. He has bee going to daycare 2 days a week for about 14 months as I work those days...

    He has bee doing reasonably well. Doesn't cry when left and starting to eat-sleep much better. The only thing I have noticed is that when they put photos of the kids up during the day, he doesn't really participate in the group activities... A teacher literally has to hold his ham through it or he gets up to play with something else.

    He is not terrible at following instructions but not brilliant either. His speech was slightly delayed but I think it is improving as well.

    We also attend a playgroup once a week with other kids and it is a structured day with inside play, story/singing time, craft then outside time. I have noticed he generally likes to do his own thing and if a more outgoing child is playing in his space he just stands to the side with the thumb in.

    I never was to worried until his daycare leader pulled me aside to ask if I have noted that he isn't incredibly social and that e hasn't made any real connections at daycare. I told her we are going to start a third day in January and that when it's one on one he has great friends and get along great... He just seems to be really shy and not assertive in group situations.

    We spoke and she agreed we should wait 3-6 months to see how the extra day goes.... However I have to confess I am a bit heart broken.

    I was really shy and Not confident when he was born an coupled I didn't have a car I really didn't get out much. I didn't have many friends at school and preferred my own company and was generally miserable and feel like I have doomed him to this as well.

    Reading the above does anyone have a similar experience and if so is there anything you can suggest that may help him socialise better? I was looking into Gymbaroo but we do not have much extra income so I'm just not sure...

  2. #2
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    How old is your son? I know you said 3, but there's a year of development in there.

    It's perfectly normal for children to have no interest in playing WITH other children until about age 3. It's also perfectly normal for a 3 year old to want to do their own thing, and not participate in a particular activity simply because they're told to/other people are doing it. To be honest, the latter is why I find typical childcare (including my daughter's) somewhat disconcerting.

    Perhaps you could speak to the daycare staff and ask for more details? Such as... are there other children who behave similarly, or is it only him? Do they think it's concerning - if so, why? If they do think it's concerning, what would they recommend? etc.

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    Meld85  (13-12-2014)

  4. #3
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    My DS is 3 as well and has been attending daycare 2 days all year. He is not very social either but I'm sure this is due to his speech delay. Other kids always say hello to him and he responds to that and always says bye to everyone when I collect him but he can't ask to join in play so does his own thing or takes toys from others and interrupts their play out of frustration. He also has trouble staying focused unless it is something he is really interested in. Does he do speech therapy? If he has been diagnosed with a delay then the centre may be able to get a support worker to spend more one on one time with him and encourage him to interact more while they watch over. My DS has just been approved for funding and will have this next year. Other than encouraging him to join in I don't think there is much else you can do, he may still be in the parallel play stage and not yet up to social play. Sorry I can't be much more help just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

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    Meld85  (13-12-2014)

  6. #4
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    It's hard to make close friends and feel comfortable when you're only in care 2 days a week as opposed to 3/4/5 that other kids are. I say your kids reluctance is understandable... It's not a reflection in yourself or your kids loveability or social skills..... and see how the extra day goes.

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    Meld85  (13-12-2014)

  8. #5
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    Thanks guys feels better to know I am not alone so to speak.

    Sorry didn't mention he just turned three 2 weeks ago.

    Bumping for the morning crowd... Has anyone tried gymbaroo for a socially introverted child.

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    None of my kids have ever gone to childcare so I can't comment on that aspect. But when my older two were 3 and 4 we used to go to playgroup once a week. They would watch the other children playing but never interacted with them. They stuck together (and to me). I'd take them around to different activities (structured playgroup) but they would tend to choose activities where no one else was; if someone came to the table, my girls would just stop and/or want to move elsewhere. In the end I stopped going because they weren't mixing with the other children and I wasn't able to mix with the other mothers so it seemed like a waste of time. They are both perfectly sociable little girls now (7 & 8). My youngest turned 3 in October and she won't have a bar of anyone she doesn't know. If people try to interact with her before she is "ready", more than likely she will end up in tears. Am I concerned -- not in the slightest! I know my girls just need to feel really comfortable in a space before they will interact. Heck! I'm exactly the same. For example, I'm useless trying to help out in my kids' classroom, because I need to be there for at least half an hour before I feel comfortable to interact in what's going on. If we go to a BBQ I sit there all night hoping no one will talk to me, because that is better than the uncomfortable, generally one-sided-met-with-one-word-answers-and-limited-eye-contact conversation which occurs. One on one I am fine; in a group I am hopeless!
    So, what do you take from that -- different people have different social needs and comfortable-ness. I would not worry about your little boy -- there is plenty of time to be social! Hope that helps. Best wishes to you both.

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    Meld85  (13-12-2014)

  11. #7
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    I think 3 is very young but I would consider ASD or put it on your radar and watch for other signs.

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    Meld85  (13-12-2014)

  13. #8
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    My DS1 was similar to this at childcare. If he was out with me he was always very confident, would play with other kids he had never met at the park etc. But at childcare they reported that he often played on his own wouldn't participate, even that he wasn't great at following directions. His speech was slightly delayed at 3 too, and we even had his hearing tested in childcare's suggestion (it was fine).
    This all continued until he was nearly 5, he ended up doing an extra year of kindy as he wasn't thought to be ready for school. But that extra year made all the difference and now he is going great, interacting, speaking up etc.
    So sometimes they can take just a little longer to get there.
    He had also been going 2 days per week, but we increased to 3 when he was about 3.5

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    Meld85  (13-12-2014)


 

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