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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jmeleem View Post
    It definitely made me realise it was wrong. Doesnt mean i didnt cringe everytime a stranger did it. Especially if it was one of my siblings in his firing line as i would put myself in betweem them to protect my brother and sister. I absolutely dreaded strangers sticking up for us. Last time it happened i ended up stranded in QLD with a broken wrist, sprained ankle and bruises around my neck and up my arm. All because some stranger thought they were helping my sister by pulling my father up on his behaviour. Which ill add was verbal never physical in public. No he saved that for private.
    You do not know what happens at home so confronting the person isnt always the best solution. If you want to protect the child do so by getting authorities involved. Its not about becoming complacent.
    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Come on. Surely with the thread title "I am so upset right now" you have to admit a little bit of sympathy was part of the intent?

    Sure I have concern that bystanders did nothing, however it's the focus of this thread (being shifted to the distress of bystanders who chose to do nothing) that I find rather self centred and distasteful. Just like all the people who comment "poor kids" on the World Vision TV ads then switch the channel over to their favourite soap before chow ing down on their TV dinner. No sympathy from me for bystanders who do nothing.
    @VicPark
    So tell me, how would you feel if you were the stranger who stood up for @Jmeleem and her siblings and found out later that your actions, however well meaning, triggered the parent to feel embarrassed by the child and subsequently to be beaten resulting in broken bones and a battered body?

    Maybe it might be more helpful to report to relevant authorities and remain silent at the time.

    It's obvious anger issues are at play here and sometimes confronting someone with those issues is like adding fuel to the fire. Particularly if you yourself are of no real authority to remove the child from the care of the parent if need be.

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  3. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by DesperatelySeekingSleep View Post
    @VicPark
    So tell me, how would you feel if you were the stranger who stood up for @Jmeleem and her siblings and found out later that your actions, however well meaning, triggered the parent to feel embarrassed by the child and subsequently to be beaten resulting in broken bones and a battered body?

    Maybe it might be more helpful to report to relevant authorities and remain silent at the time.

    It's obvious anger issues are at play here and sometimes confronting someone with those issues is like adding fuel to the fire. Particularly if you yourself are of no real authority to remove the child from the care of the parent if need be.
    I think there are plenty of ways to diffuse such a situation without being 'confronting.' That being said I agree depending on the situation it may be more appropriate to take the persons details and report the incident to authorities. I gather the OP didn't do this though otherwise it would have been mentioned?

  4. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    .... Nah. Gotta disagree with this.
    Sorry replace 'all' with 'many.'

    Although pretty sure offering to buy him a coffee would not diffuse the situation

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  6. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPink View Post
    Sorry replace 'all' with 'many.'

    Although pretty sure offering to buy him a coffee would not diffuse the situation
    Perhaps not. But it may have broken his train of thought long enough for him to calm down a teeny bit. I know one thing for sure sitting on ones backside and doing nothing would not diffuse the situation either.

  7. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I think there are plenty of ways to diffuse such a situation without being 'confronting.' That being said I agree depending on the situation it may be more appropriate to take the persons details and report the incident to authorities. I gather the OP didn't do this though otherwise it would have been mentioned?
    But that's it though, someone with anger issues or a narcissistic personality can and will often take any attention, negative and positive, and use it against the child. Just having someone *just notice* the child or even the parent having a hissy is enough reason to lash out later on behind closed doors for some people. The angry person would say things like "all those people were looking at me because you were being an idiot. If you had of just had your photo taken then people wouldn't have been looking at me saying how bad of a parent I am for having such embarrassing kids. See what you did. You made me look like an idiot. You did that"

    That's not to say nothing should be done. If anything it has opened people eyes to this angry person for future reference. If there is another outburst then it can be seen as a pattern and people are more likely to get the details and report in the future. To say no one did anything is incorrect. Someone did try to do something and that wasn't diffusing the situation so people could have made the subconscious decision to stand back and not make the situation worse.

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  9. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by DesperatelySeekingSleep View Post
    But that's it though, someone with anger issues or a narcissistic personality can and will often take any attention, negative and positive, and use it against the child. Just having someone *just notice* the child or even the parent having a hissy is enough reason to lash out later on behind closed doors for some people. The angry person would say things like "all those people were looking at me because you were being an idiot. If you had of just had your photo taken then people wouldn't have been looking at me saying how bad of a parent I am for having such embarrassing kids. See what you did. You made me look like an idiot. You did that"

    That's not to say nothing should be done. If anything it has opened people eyes to this angry person for future reference. If there is another outburst then it can be seen as a pattern and people are more likely to get the details and report in the future. To say no one did anything is incorrect. Someone did try to do something and that wasn't diffusing the situation so people could have made the subconscious decision to stand back and not make the situation worse.
    I get what you are trying to say however
    you're not going to convince me that what the librarian did was sufficient and that once the chest poking started others doing nothing was the only viable option/ok.

  10. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I get what you are trying to say however
    you're not going to convince me that what the librarian did was sufficient and that once the chest poking started others doing nothing was ok.
    Honestly though by that stage what could have been done? Other than backing away anything else would have escalated things by that point. Take the child away temporarily until police turn up(if they turn up) and then the child gets sent back home with him anyway only to get a massive beating and berating.

    Instincts might kick in and you go running over to step in to the girls defense and you might say something you see as non confrontational but anything you say or do will be seen by him as having a go, even "oh hey do you want to go for coffee while the kids have a play later" because if he is anything like someone I know it will be taken as "You are such a bad parent that I want to keep an eye on you for as long as possible while I wait for the police to turn up and take your kids away because you can't control them". Yes some people do think like that.

  11. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by DesperatelySeekingSleep View Post
    Honestly though by that stage what could have been done? Other than backing away anything else would have escalated things by that point. Take the child away temporarily until police turn up(if they turn up) and then the child gets sent back home with him anyway only to get a massive beating and berating.

    Instincts might kick in and you go running over to step in to the girls defense and you might say something you see as non confrontational but anything you say or do will be seen by him as having a go, even "oh hey do you want to go for coffee while the kids have a play later" because if he is anything like someone I know it will be taken as "You are such a bad parent that I want to keep an eye on you for as long as possible while I wait for the police to turn up and take your kids away because you can't control them". Yes some people do think like that.
    You're still not convincing me that sitting on ones butt and twiddling ones thumbs was the answer.

  12. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    You're still not convincing me that sitting on ones butt and twiddling ones thumbs was the answer.
    I quite honestly would not risk my own child being subjected to his behaviour for the sake of being his daughters voice. It might be the cowardly way out but imagine if he waited till I left the library and belted me in the car park? Or ran me off the road?

    There's sticking up for someone and then there's just plain crazy.

    Remember the Good Samaritan who was going for a run in Melb CBD before work and intervened when a Bikie was belting his girlfriend. His wife and children now mourn him.

    Surely you can see my point? Sometimes reasoning with someone is just not smart for the kudos of having big brass b-lls. Call the police or call child services.

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  14. #70
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    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPink View Post
    I quite honestly would not risk my own child being subjected to his behaviour for the sake of being his daughters voice. It might be the cowardly way out but imagine if he waited till I left the library and belted me in the car park? Or ran me off the road?

    There's sticking up for someone and then there's just plain crazy.

    Remember the Good Samaritan who was going for a run in Melb CBD before work and intervened when a Bikie was belting his girlfriend. His wife and children now mourn him.

    Surely you can see my point? Sometimes reasoning with someone is just not smart for the kudos of having big brass b-lls. Call the police or call child services.
    Yes, that incident came to my mind too, and I was going to mention it earlier. I often think about that.

    VP, can I ask, and I'm honestly not trying to attack you, I'm genuinely interested, but do you see a difference between compassion and sympathy? Because to me there's a huge difference. I don't think OP was seeking sympathy, but an outlet to express how upset she was. I think you can show compassion for someone without necessarily agreeing with what they did or didn't do.

    And if your hubby was the one to have seen this incident occur (assuming he too wouldn't have stepped in), how would you respond to him? If he as your loved one was very upset and traumatised, what would you say?

    Or, God forbid, what if he had stepped in and he was with your DS, and ended up being beaten up or abused and your son was traumatised or hurt? Would you berate your hubby for taking such a big risk, or would you think the repercussions and risk were justified?

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