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  1. #51
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    So for the people who say they would have said something; what do you think the outcome would be? That that you would berate the father and he would snap out of his abusive ways and take his baby out for an ice cream and apologise?


    The librarian tried. It didnt work. Tragic? Absolutely. But i think some people are being unrealistic. She may have copped much worse when she got home if he was "embarrassed"
    Further by people approaching him further on the matter.

    I dont know what the answer is, but ive seen people; men and women ending up physically hurt for intervening in things. If he was breaking the law; call the police.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BbBbBh View Post
    My experience was a little different. After a while I became immune to the abuse but when people stood up for my sister and I, it taught me a valuable lesson- that my father's behaviour was unacceptable and I was deserved of better treatment. It always created a doubt in my mind that he was a horrible man who was not always correct in what he said.

    I don't usually agree with Vic Park but I think it is important that we don't become complacent as a community and that we do talk about it even if it does upset others. Maybe because I have minimal fear as an adult means I would be able to think quickly and respond. I understand the fear feeling keeps us stuck for a few seconds and we find we do nothing. I was walking along a promenade with my ds in a pram when a man started punching his son (aged about 13) repeatedly on the sand. There were probably 15 people watching but no one said or did anything. I asked an older woman to watch my pram and I intervened from a distance. The man did stop punching the boy and walked away. I couldn't stand there doing nothing because the neck sickening punch could have killed the child.
    It definitely made me realise it was wrong. Doesnt mean i didnt cringe everytime a stranger did it. Especially if it was one of my siblings in his firing line as i would put myself in betweem them to protect my brother and sister. I absolutely dreaded strangers sticking up for us. Last time it happened i ended up stranded in QLD with a broken wrist, sprained ankle and bruises around my neck and up my arm. All because some stranger thought they were helping my sister by pulling my father up on his behaviour. Which ill add was verbal never physical in public. No he saved that for private.
    You do not know what happens at home so confronting the person isnt always the best solution. If you want to protect the child do so by getting authorities involved. Its not about becoming complacent.
    Last edited by MummaCat; 12-12-2014 at 10:20.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zombie_eyes View Post
    So for the people who say they would have said something; what do you think the outcome would be? That that you would berate the father and he would snap out of his abusive ways and take his baby out for an ice cream and apologise?


    The librarian tried. It didnt work. Tragic? Absolutely. But i think some people are being unrealistic. She may have copped much worse when she got home if he was "embarrassed"
    Further by people approaching him further on the matter.

    I dont know what the answer is, but ive seen people; men and women ending up physically hurt for intervening in things. If he was breaking the law; call the police.
    I think for me, my hope would be to put that seed of doubt in that little girl's mind that the way she was being treated was not okay. Just to give hope that she could grow up and get out of the domestic abuse cycle. Perhaps she did cower behind her dad's leg because she is scared of copping worse at home.
    I know in my circumstance with the girl getting hit by her mother I think the best thing I could have done in that situation would be to yell out for the mother to stop beating her daughter before going to get security. I could have yelled that out and left and been safe. The way that mother walked in to the room, so calmly, and just guided her daughter in to the toilet to hit her repeatedly behind closed doors was awful. I wish I'd done more. I wish I'd said something so that girl knew it wasn't okay to be hit when you did the wrong thing. No I don't expect the attacker to suddenly wake up and change their ways, but if by standing up for a child being abused it helps them to understand they are not being treated okay, then maybe it will help them to not fall in to a abusive relationship as a teen/adult. That is my hope.

    I came across this yesterday...it's extremely distressing to listen to, but when you read the update down the bottom you can easily see how growing up in DV has negatively impacted all of the kids lives forever. I wanted to really stress that the audio tape is EXTREMELY distressing to listen to, but you do have to press play to hear it.

    http://forums.yogscast.com/showthrea...isa-s-911-call

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jmeleem View Post
    It definitely made me realise it was wrong. Doesnt mean i didnt cringe everytime a stranger did it. Especially if it was one of my siblings in his firing line as i would put myself in betweem them to protect my brother and sister. I absolutely dreaded strangers sticking up for us. Last time it happened i ended up stranded in QLD with a broken wrist, sprained ankle and bruises around my neck and up my arm. All because some stranger thought they were helping my sister by pulling my father up on his behaviour. Which ill add was verbal never physical in public. No he saved that for private.
    You do not know what happens at home so confronting the person isnt always the best solution. If you want to protect the child do so by getting authorities involved. Its not about becoming complacent.
    I'm so very sorry this all happened to you. Good on you for using your experiences in a positive manner to teach us about repercussions we may not have considered. Very admirable.

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  9. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jmeleem View Post
    It definitely made me realise it was wrong. Doesnt mean i didnt cringe everytime a stranger did it. Especially if it was one of my siblings in his firing line as i would put myself in betweem them to protect my brother and sister. I absolutely dreaded strangers sticking up for us. Last time it happened i ended up stranded in QLD with a broken wrist, sprained ankle and bruises around my neck and up my arm. All because some stranger thought they were helping my sister by pulling my father up on his behaviour. Which ill add was verbal never physical in public. No he saved that for private.
    You do not know what happens at home so confronting the person isnt always the best solution. If you want to protect the child do so by getting authorities involved. Its not about becoming complacent.
    :,(:,(:.( im so sorry

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jmeleem View Post
    It definitely made me realise it was wrong. Doesnt mean i didnt cringe everytime a stranger did it. Especially if it was one of my siblings in his firing line as i would put myself in betweem them to protect my brother and sister. I absolutely dreaded strangers sticking up for us. Last time it happened i ended up stranded in QLD with a broken wrist, sprained ankle and bruises around my neck and up my arm. All because some stranger thought they were helping my sister by pulling my father up on his behaviour. Which ill add was verbal never physical in public. No he saved that for private.
    You do not know what happens at home so confronting the person isnt always the best solution. If you want to protect the child do so by getting authorities involved. Its not about becoming complacent.
    Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry you and your siblings went through this

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    Marigold, I'm so sorry for what happened. I can understand being too shocked and scared to really react. At the end of the day you had your daughter with you as well and obviously your own child's safety would be your main priority.

    I don't understand people who say they would intervene. Were you there? Did you witness it? Did you feel the fear and uncertainty that those who were there felt? Do you know the home situation? It's all well and good to play the hero so you can feel good about yourself, but no one here has any idea what could have happened once they got home. I don't like the fact that nothing was done either, but for god's sake harping on about how you would have done this and that does nothing. There is no need for people to big note themselves.

    Marigold did what she thought was the safest option at the time, she had her child with her. It sucks that no one said anything and the bystander effect took place, but sometimes you need to weigh your options.

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    Ill also add sometimes just a little smile of support from a stranger lets these children know its not okay behaviour and that there are people out there who will help and do care. It also gives them that little bit of self confidence back to one day fight back and take a stand for themselves.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Marigold~ View Post
    @VicPark where did I ask for you to show me sympathy?? That wasn't the point of this thread, to gain sympathy. Where did I ask you to feel sorry for me? I witnessed something horrible and came on here to share it. Cos that's what we do here, don't we?
    I've been around for a while now and consider this place to be a bit of an outlet for me, as many of us do. I guarantee everyone who saw what I did yesterday went home and told their friends and family, because what we saw was abnormal and really disgusting. I told my mum, my DH and neither of them said "I can't believe none of you said anything!" Cos, well, you just don't kick a person when they're down, right?
    Come on. Surely with the thread title "I am so upset right now" you have to admit a little bit of sympathy was part of the intent?

    Sure I have concern that bystanders did nothing, however it's the focus of this thread (being shifted to the distress of bystanders who chose to do nothing) that I find rather self centred and distasteful. Just like all the people who comment "poor kids" on the World Vision TV ads then switch the channel over to their favourite soap before chow ing down on their TV dinner. No sympathy from me for bystanders who do nothing.
    Last edited by VicPark; 12-12-2014 at 12:53.

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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPink View Post
    . You did exactly what any of us would have done
    .... Nah. Gotta disagree with this.

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