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    Default How can I control my anger at my 2 year old

    Hi and thanks for reading. Lately I have been losing my cool with my 2 year old over stupid things. Yesterday it was because he got into poppers when I wasn't looking and wasted 3 of them. The other day it was because he tipped my nail polish on the couch, which was my own fault for doing my nails around him. When I say I "lose my cool", what I mean is that I yell at him, give him time outs, move him around roughly and smack him (which I don't believe in). As you can imagine, this is very upsetting for him.

    I feel terrible. I have done circle of security parenting and I know what I am doing is wrong. I need to be bigger, stronger, wiser and kind at least most of the time.

    I guess I am just wondering if any of you have any tips for how I can change my behaviour and if you have reformed similar behaviour, how did you do it. Many thanks.

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    Hi

    I would say, nobody is the perfect parent. Don't be too hard on yourself. Yes, it sounds like you are over reacting quite a bit. Has anything changed with you lately? Home life? Relationships? Work? Etc. Something that I made myself do when my (now 14 y.o) was l driving me nuts/I felt like I was losing control, is remove myself from the room (go to your room etc close the door) and it might sound stupid, but I would count to 20 while taking deep breaths, self talk myself that he is 2, he is not doing this to upset me etc. If it does anything at all, it takes that initial "rage" feeling down a notch. I would also think of how to make the situation a positive i.e. The popper situation, I would get your 2 y.o to help clean up (obviously it would be limited with what he can do). In very simple term talk to him, children are not silly, tell him things like.. "Stop, I don't like that", "that makes mummy sad" etc use a firmer tone/ stern face etc.
    I don't think that there would be any harm in maybe talking to a counsellor either, I have done so before and they are very helpful good luck.

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    Thank you for your honesty OP.

    While I haven't smacked my 2 year old or moved her around roughly, I often lose my cool too, so I'm subbing for suggestions.

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    it is incredibly hard. toddlers really know how to push your buttons.

    I tend to take a break ... just force myself to walk away, sing a song or have a cold drink to calm myself down when I feel that overwhelming anger.


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    Subbing. Dd1 is 3 next month and dd2 is 15 months, I feel like I'm constantly yelling at them.

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    I would like to recommend a book that I am reading. "Is That me Yelling" by Rona Renner you might be able to find it at your local library as an e-book.

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    Anyone who has never lost their cool with their 2 yr old is lying! It's really tough age. They test you beyond what you thought possible, and bring out sides of you you never thought existed. So don't feel bad - you are only human and can only have your buttons pushed so many times before mummy loses her sh&@!
    I find the whole taking deep breaths and counting to 10 in my head really helps. Kind of like labor breath techniques, lol. And as others have said, sometimes you just need to walk away, outside, into another room etc and regain your cool so you can deal with them more calmly. It's not always possible, I know - when DS was 2 he would always throw tantrums when we were out as if to say, what are you going to yell at me in front of all these people? What worked for me as to calmly but firmly take him aside (away/outside/to a corner) and have some stern words. I am no expert still very much learning as age 3 brings on a whole new set of challenges (they are smart little people!!). But yes. Deep breaths, close your eyes, count to 10. It really does help.

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    Default How can I control my anger at my 2 year old

    @sunnygirl79, on a bit of a tangent, did your LO grow out of the tantrums now he's 3, or is he still going?

    I'm looking for the light at the end of the tantrum tunnel.

    Sorry to derail OP

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    We missed the terrible twos but I can relate in the fact that we got the fu$ked 4s and I when I am feeling angry I put myself into time out.

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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    @sunnygirl79, on a bit of a tangent, did your LO grow out of the tantrums now he's 3, or is he still going?

    I'm looking for the light at the end of the tantrum tunnel.

    Sorry to derail OP
    DS is 3.5 now. I hesitate to say it doesn't get better (hate it when people say that, so unhelpful!), because I truly think it does get easier. With 3 yr olds (and I am sure then 4yo, 5yo etc) there are new behavioural challenges to deal with! Each kids is different though and some go through things earlier, some later. I think the biggest difference between 2 and 3 is communication. Once they can speak more clearly and articulate what it is they want/don't want, they become less frustrated and hence less tantrums. So yes, it does improve in that way, far more easy to know wtf they are on about!
    But it takes a long time for them to learn boundaries and they will keep testing them (especially if they have a stubborn nature/strong will etc). I think it's all a learning experience for both mum and child (and dads too!). You learn what sets them off and times of day they are most cranky etc and do your best to work around that. I do think you become more patient as a person as time goes on too.
    Sorry I hope this is helpful! It really does get easier I think. They are always changing and I personally love this age (3) when they talk to you all the time and say the cutest things ('you're so beautiful mummy!'), and you know they mean it. It makes those hard days so much easier to deal with


 

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