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  1. #1
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    Default Rude 4 year old, Need some techniques!

    I have read many posts on this issue and non of which seems to be helping me out at all. Up until a few months ago I had the nicest most polite, easiest DS you could ask for. He has only just turned 4 so this started happening when he was 3. He is rude, talks back any direction I ask him to follow is questioned. Its just a daily struggle. I've tried a naughty corner, tried getting down to his level and calmly explaining what is expected and not expected, tried getting angry, tried ignoring, honestly I've tried everything and his behavior isn't improving at all. I've gotten to the point where I feel like the only communication we have throughout the day is a giant list of things he can't do instead of having fun and playing. I am expecting child number 2 in 5 months and it is adding a lot to my emotions.
    I just want to see a light at the end of the tunnel, I want to see some techniques that I am trying actually work!

    Any help would really be appreciated!

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    subbing.. Ive got a 4 yr old PITA as well

  3. #3
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    Default Rude 4 year old, Need some techniques!

    I don't have a DS just a DD; I was finding everything was a struggle constantly, until I decided no more yelling, no more demanding things of her. Instead I tell her things I'd like her to do, and what the consequence is if she doesn't; then I start doing the consequence... (Eg I will say pick your toys up off the floor or I'm going to sweep them up and put them in the bin. If she says no, or tantrums I just go and grab the broom and start doing exactly what I said I would .... If she doesn't answer I repeat myself twice and give her a couple of minutes in between...sometimes she will ask me to help her and I generally will tell her to get started then I will help or I help her but make it a game...)

    ETA: if the rudeness is impoliteness, not using manners etc then I will ensure she uses her manners (says excuse me, please etc) if she doesn't say them I don't help her until she does. So if she says 'I want a drink' I will say "pardon?" She will then say "I want a drink" and I say "oh I didn't hear your magic word" she repeats with "please" on the end... If she back chats or tries to be smart (which she seems to do when we need to be somewhere! ) I will say "don't be rude, or we aren't going!" Then I simply won't go. Pulled her head I pretty quick after a few times !
    Last edited by Taffabella; 08-12-2014 at 15:04.

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    My DS will soon be 4, and is becoming very difficult, we never had the terrible two's so it had to come at some point
    He is my second so I feel like I cope better, then the first time round, I think that's because I'm patient.

    We all have very strong feelings towards discipline, so what ever method you chose stick to it for a good few weeks, even if it seems not to be working, they need consistency, switching constantly wont help because they can't predict the outcome.

    We do time outs, which always works well, well until the other day when he realised he could get up and walk away, so I returned him probably 20 times, no yelling, I explained 'you need to sit in time out 2 minutes and calm down, then we'll talk' a couple times, but it took a good 5-10mins to get him to sit, our time outs are not so much 'naughty spots' they are 'calm down and think' spots.

    Kids have to push the boundaries it's a normal part of development.
    Just be consistent, you can't overlook something because the time isn't convenient, once they know the consequence to an action it becomes a little easier.

  6. #5
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    One thing that works at school is ignoring the talking back because that is in fact a diversion. So if you are asking your son to put something away, you ask once politely and that is all you say until they do what you ask. It stops you from getting engaged in other battles, and is very effective.

    So. DS, put your toy back on the shelf please.

    But I etc.

    Put your toy back on the shelf thank you.

    Can I just etc.

    Put your toy back on the shelf thank you.

    Etc etc. said pleasantly. Works almost all of the time.

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    Albert01  (09-12-2014),dollypops  (08-12-2014),Redcorset  (08-12-2014)

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    Thank you all! very helpful. Just hearing other mums have the same issues helps

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    I was just about to post my own thread when I came across this. My 4yo ds is a nightmare at the moment. He is very oppositional and loses it if we say no to something. He is mean to his little sister. Also he gets in her face, irritating her or blocking her way until she cracks it. He has become ultra fussy with his food.

    We have tried ignoring it, but he then pursues us, pulling on our clothes and screaming. We've tried time outs, he repeatedly slams his bedroom door and screams. We've done 123 magic. We've explained calmly at his level. We've not given in so he thinks tantrums will get him what he wants. We are out of ideas. Exhausted and broken. He can be so lovely then suddenly a nightmare. It's really taking its toll on our family and I'm very worried. My husband doesn't deal with it well at all

    So you're definitely not alone OP!!!


 

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